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    Or is it some excuse?


    My GF and I have been together for 10 months now. Everything has been great. Yes we've had ups and downs like every other couple, but we always seem to settle it quickly.

    Anyway, she's on her last year of 3 year maths degree, and according to her and the work I've seen when I've been around hers, it's really stressful.

    She has 2 major maths coursework due in soon, one which she has just finished, and then she has a long maths exercise to do too.

    She told me things would get really stressful and that we wouldn't be able to see each other as much. That we shouldn't 'promise' each other times we could meet (?)

    Of course we've spoken on the phone a couple of times and by text, so she hasn't gone completely AWOL, but even her closest friends tell me this is how she acts when she's busy/stressed.

    Should I just take her word for it?
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    Er yeah take her word for it why not? You sound a bit too concerned, give her space to finish her degree.
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    She doesn't have time for you. You just have to accept it, don't place these big expectations on her to be always talking to you and making you feel good. Live your own life and don't get too hung up over one person.
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    (Original post by Phoebe Buffay)
    Er yeah take her word for it why not? You sound a bit too concerned, give her space to finish her degree.

    Well yeah, I am concerned. In all my relationships people have said "If she's too busy, she doesn't love you" ... I've ended up ending it with them because of it ... I don't know if I should with her now?

    She asked for 2 weeks a while back after an argument, to let things 'settle' ... I gave it to her, but then 3 days later she contacts me and says "I've missed you".

    If I text her, she will answer though.
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    (Original post by Illegal Algebra)
    She doesn't have time for you. You just have to accept it, don't place these big expectations on her to be always talking to you and making you feel good. Live your own life and don't get too hung up over one person.

    Well the thing that's making it harder is that I'm currently 2 hours away from her. I go to University in a different town, you see, but we share the same home town.

    I go back ever 2 weeks. I'll be heading home for the weekend next week.

    She asked for 2 weeks after a rough period, but then contacted me after 3 days telling me she "missed" me.
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    (Original post by Illegal Algebra)
    Girls change their mind all the time and always love to send out mixed signals. Yes, she's busy with her work, but no one is busy 24 hours a day. No matter how hard you're working, there's always some time during the day to dedicate to the people you care about, if you really care about someone then you'' dedicate time to them. She seems to be very confused, she doesn't seem to know what she wants. You're just getting caught up in this confusion of "I don't want to see or talk to you, go away...actually, come back, I miss you" and it's extrmely annoying. It keeps happening to me all the time, but unlike you, I've decided not to take that 2 hour journey very frequently now because by the time I get there she would have probably changed her mind and won't want to see me anymore. Just leave her alone for a bit to sort her head out and do what she needs to do.

    Yeah, that's what she likely needs: space.

    I'll give it to her, and if she decides to finally speak some sense, we can talk.


    Well she used to be able to come up once every 2 weeks. But that was before she had all this damn work to do.

    The good thing is she told me this was likely to happen, and it has. If she hadn't told me anything, that's when I'd be seriously worried about our relationship.

    I'll give her some space and see if she contacts me ... it's likely she will though.
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    Sounds like she does care about you, but she's just very stressed right now. Third year does up the pressure, and whilst some people are lucky and fly through their coursework, others have to work really hard to keep up. I'd see how it goes after she's finished her assignments. Not easy for you, I know, but every relationship has its ups and downs.

    Of course, if she keeps on not having any time for you, I recommend having a talk with her about finding suitable ways to maintain the relationship.
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    (Original post by Ikidyounot.)
    Okay, so you've been together for 10 months. She trusts you enough to be able to tell you how she is feeling and what she wants- why are you struggling with this? For some reason, you don't trust what she is telling you, or you're anxious about what this means for your relationship.

    This is more your problem than hers. You should talk to her about this, tell her it makes you feel insecure, and you're worried about what her feeling too busy to promise you time means for your relationship.

    If she is any similar to me, then she does not juggle very well. So she is intensely focused and into a particular pursuit, and does not want to ruin her chances of success by being distracted. It's not that she doesn't like going to the gym, buying that new pair of shoes she needs, having a catch up coffee, or seeing you, more that this goal, of her degree, is so important to her, she is focused on that.

    So, if you trust her, and put your insecurity aside, maybe you could help her gain some balance, and have revision break walks together haha. Or something.

    Or maybe, you could trust that your girlfriend knows what she wants, and means what she says, and listen. And you could trust her enough to do the same with her- tell her what you've told us.

    My two pennies worth

    I *do* trust her ... I'm just that, insecure ... In my two past relationships, when someone asked for "space", all my alarms were on telling me "she's going to end it with you", which was the case.

    But with my current GF, when she said she needed "2 weeks for things to settle", I reacted the same way, but instead of letting her know ... I just gave the space.

    You sound very similar to her ... I think she might forget, unknowingly, that we're together or something.

    She really is determined to getting a into Master's degree next year in Bath, which is actually only 40 mins from where I am. She also mentioned a while back that she wanted us to move in together!

    Bath might be a good place for the Master's she wants, but is she going there for us too?
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    (Original post by Dodgypirate)
    Or is it some excuse?


    My GF and I have been together for 10 months now. Everything has been great. Yes we've had ups and downs like every other couple, but we always seem to settle it quickly.

    Anyway, she's on her last year of 3 year maths degree, and according to her and the work I've seen when I've been around hers, it's really stressful.

    She has 2 major maths coursework due in soon, one which she has just finished, and then she has a long maths exercise to do too.

    She told me things would get really stressful and that we wouldn't be able to see each other as much. That we shouldn't 'promise' each other times we could meet (?)

    Of course we've spoken on the phone a couple of times and by text, so she hasn't gone completely AWOL, but even her closest friends tell me this is how she acts when she's busy/stressed.

    Should I just take her word for it?
    she's your gf, and you don't know her personality? lololol.. ok..
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    (Original post by Kittiara)
    Sounds like she does care about you, but she's just very stressed right now. Third year does up the pressure, and whilst some people are lucky and fly through their coursework, others have to work really hard to keep up. I'd see how it goes after she's finished her assignments. Not easy for you, I know, but every relationship has its ups and downs.

    Of course, if she keeps on not having any time for you, I recommend having a talk with her about finding suitable ways to maintain the relationship.

    I keep telling myself "It's just the work, the stress she's going through and the effort she's putting to get on this Master's degree next year", but then insecurity slips in, I keep asking these stupid questions about her cheating on me or lying, and then I rethink and counter those questions ... It's maddening.

    I really do try my best though, and I do trust her ... I think the issues are with me
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    (Original post by hamix.forllz)
    she's your gf, and you don't know her personality? lololol.. ok..
    What?
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    You asked, i answered.....if she's your gf, how come you don't know how she reacts?
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    (Original post by Ikidyounot.)
    I knew it, well that's normal, if that's what's happened before, of course you would feel that way. So bear it in mind, but also, bear the fact that your girlfriend is a different person. You need to tell her all of this.

    I do the same with my friends and family, and I didn't know it wasn't normal, until they told me. If they hadn't told me, I would have lost them- they told me because they cared, and it upset them that I wasn't seeing them. Whereas in my mind, of course they're my friends and I love them- but I want that 1st! And I got it And I still have them, because they told me they felt forgotten, and dragged me out haha. So it could be a good thing for both of you.

    Sounds like she has a goal too, and she's taken it for granted that you know you're part of her future. Even though she did mention moving in together I bet if you had a conversation, it would get cleared up in minutes. Maybe if you tell her that in the past, when someone needed space they broke up with you, and that for you, a relationship is constant, you can work this out. Seriously, I was oblivious, I thought I could be a hermit with my books for three months and pick off where we left off. Well, I could, but other people like you need more constant communication I guess.
    Tbh, talking to her closest friend, who is actually a mutual friend of ours, about my GF distancing herself from people (including family) because of studies, really helped me.

    She told me that my GF has always done this with everyone. I guess I'll have to get through it ... I hope she passes all her coursework.
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    (Original post by hamix.forllz)
    You asked, i answered.....if she's your gf, how come you don't know how she reacts?
    You answered ... with another question?


    Of course I know her personality.
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    sorry but this was just my analysis of your OP. I don't see what else you expected...
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    (Original post by Ikidyounot.)
    Ah so it's totally normal for her, so really, why are you worrying yourself. The best person you can talk to about this is her though.

    I talked about this to her before, but probably not well ...
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    (Original post by hamix.forllz)
    sorry but this was just my analysis of your OP. I don't see what else you expected...
    I didn't ask anything about her personality. Why question it?
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    (Original post by Ikidyounot.)
    Lol does anyone else detect slight resentment in 'I hope she passes all her coursework'. You two just really need to talk, it seems.
    Why would I be bitter?

    I actually genuinely want her to do well!
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    (Original post by Ikidyounot.)
    Yeah probably. Why do you think that?
    Well because nothing has changed, she's still heading deep in her work.

    Like I said before, I want her to do well (again NO bitterness), I'm just struggling to accept that we won't see each other as often until she finishes it all.
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    (Original post by Ikidyounot.)
    How sweet. Well you have to say again, right? Not because you want her to stop working how she works, but because you want her to understand how you feel about this.

    If you say how you feel, expecting her to drop her work and spend more time with you, well that would be selfish. But if you say, trying to get her to see how it makes you feel, then hopefully you will be reassured by her response, and maybe you can work something out.

    Do you see the slight difference in emphasis?

    I don't know, feel like there's only so much we can say from the outside...you just need to talk it out. Is this something you struggle with?
    Yeah I really struggle with it.

    I'm heading home next week for the weekend (Friday to Monday) ... I hope we get to see each other a bit then
 
 
 
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