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Girls - would you date someone who was physically abusive in previous relationship? watch

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    Hey, I'm looking for some advice here, I'm so confused I don't know what to do. I'm hoping someone can think logically for me.

    I have been seeing someone for two months, been on about 4-5 dates, talk most days and we slept together on Tuesday.

    Last night, he told me he had a confession to make - that in his previous relationship he was physically abusive to his girlfriend whom he lived with for 3 years. I'm taking punches, slaps and choking. I knew he had a bit of a temper, but I had no idea it was this bad. Reason being she was unfaithful, she cheated on him three times and he found it difficult to forgive her and her actions were constantly at the forefront of his mind. To say the relationship was toxic is an understatement.

    He's not excusing what he has done, and takes full responsibility for it. He feels guilt everyday and can't think about doing that to anyone else. He is deeply ashamed of himself. From what I have seen , there's nothing but good to say about him, but now, I just don't know. He has told me what he is capable of and has promised himself this would never happen again - but I don't want to be a fool and continue on this road if it is just going to go downhill.

    He could have potentially kept this a secret and I would have been none the wiser so the fact that he told me this and wanted to be honest with me, I feel it gives him some brownie points.

    I really like him, and he is a genuinely nice guy and to think he can do something like this makes me sick. Because we have slept together, I feel like I have given him that intimate part of me, so I am struggling to think logically about this.

    Does he deserve a chance? Can you change? Is it wrong to judge someone on their past- surely we all have things we are not proud of?

    I would appreciate any advice because I really don't know what to do.
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    Absolutely not, in the interests of my own safety. I come from a home of domestic violence and God knows I will do everything in my power to avoid men like that. Call me selfish, but whatever.
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    Difficult question!

    Before I read the thread my instinct was 'steer clear' but having read what you have written he appears contrite.

    I think I'd give him a chance but the first time I felt threatened, he'd be gone.
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    On the one hand, everyone deserves a second chance, and I fully believe this. However, I personally would get out as soon as I heard anything like that. Maybe that's not "logical", but I fully believe that that would be in my best interests.
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    Honestly, I wouldn't want to risk it no matter how much I liked someone, I don't think I could fully trust him not to do it again, and obviously trust is very important. But it's your choice at the end of the day, if you believe you can trust him, know he won't put you through any of it, I suppose I can't tell you what you should do. Just make sure you think about this properly

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    No. How do I (or he) know he won't do it to me? And how do I know that even a small thing won't make him snap?
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    Don't be crazy OP. RUN for the hills. Abusers love to pretend they are sorry for what they have done, means little.

    he is a genuinely nice guy
    tbh this is a very stupid thing to say. obv anyone would be mad their gf cheated but then he should have left. genuinely nice people do NOT beat the crap outta their girlfriends.
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    He was cheated on multiple times and did not dump her, this suggests he is weak or insecure. He was cheated on and responded with violence, this suggests that he lacks the mental discipline to control his emotions.

    Clearly OP, i recommend that you go no further in your dealings with somebody who is clearly not a good choice as a prospective mate.
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    (Original post by Rakas21)
    He was cheated on multiple times and did not dump her, this suggests he is weak or insecure. He was cheated on and responded with violence, this suggests that he lacks the mental discipline to control his emotions.

    Clearly OP, i recommend that you go no further in your dealings with somebody who is clearly not a good choice as a prospective mate.
    Yes - this is the logical response I need. Basically from what I have said - what kinda person do you gather him to be. Appreciate your post, +1
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    Does no one here think to give him a chance?
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    No way in hell. If you can hit your partner once then it is a bound to happen again sooner or later..

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    Girl, run.

    How could he do that to someone, for 3 years regardless of what they did. Especially when he chose to stay with her. I think the reason he told you was that you would think "wow, he didn't have to tell me that, so honest" & that's exactly what you did. When he beats you up then he'd say that you already knew how he was like. Him telling you what he is capable of already, is a huge sign.

    This guy has so many problems, do not put yourself in that situation. You deserve better. Physical abuse in a relationship is disgusting, what he told you about his past relationship would be your future.
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    You shouldn't advocate him being a pariah, i.e. "he shouldn't be allowed to date any woman ever again", but you should protect your own interests and leave.

    Unfortunately charisma and other "exciting" qualities often go together with the potential to be abusive - women and men alike. If you want to get close to people with those tendencies you have to make sure you're in control.
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    I'd give him a second chance if I was sure he's changed, regrets what he did and wouldn't do that to me.
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    Absolutely no
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    Nope. Zero tolerance. Not saying people don't change. It's unlikely they do but possible, I just wouldn't go there personally.
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    While he may say he is sorry for what he did I would always say that actions are so much more important than words. It's very easy to lie especially if you want to believe it aswell. But if you think he has changed, look at how he treats his friends and other people in his life. Is he respectful in general or is it just put on to impress/manipulate you?
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    Thinking about it, I'd probably take it down to your resolve; because if you stay with him, you need to get the hell out the second he gets physically abusive (if it does happen; that's not necessarily the case). He does it once, you go. No more chances, no matter how much he begs or threatens or whatever. If you think you'd have the strength to do that, than by all means stay with him. But if you worry you'd take him back even if he treated you that way, run for the hills.
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    Never. I would never ever do that. After being in an abusive relationship I would never risk being put through that again. Even if he never did it again, I wouldn't risk it for anything.


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    I am 47 years old. My 17 year old son`s father ,as well as being an alcoholic was violent to me on several occasions. After every time he was contrite,vowed he would never ever do it again.I was not sure what to do,but then a very close friend of his told me in confidence that my boyfriend had hit another woman previously to me,so that ruled out any notion it was somehow my fault.Not that I ever DID think it was my fault in the first place,and he never once said it was either. I got pregnant and left him.My mother died, and I moved back from Manchester to Northern Ireland,to give my son`s father a second chance to sort himself out;i.e.sober up,and to get to know his son.He didn`t. He hit me,and slapped our beautiful son really hard across the face one day when he was due to have his second ever piano lesson that morning,and couldn`t remember what he had been taught the week before. He was 6 years old. How I mustered the restraint not to thrust a knife into the ******* I don`t know. To cut a very long story short I`ll say this. If a man is capable of hitting either a woman or a child or both even just ONCE,he is capable of doing it again. And again.The same rule applies,I think, to someone who is capable of being unfaithful,or robbing a house,or whatever other scummy activity he [or she]may get up to.
 
 
 
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