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    So I have been dating this guy for nearly three months now. Towards the start of our relationship it was great and he was just a genuinely nice guy, taking me off for dinner, doing nice things with thought like walking around winter wonderland with me to get me in the Christmas mood.

    After previously horrific relationships, and me being his first girlfriend (he's 20 and I'm 19), we decided to take things slow. Theres slow, and then there is this pace. Like I know he is trying to be respectful and everything but I would climb on him and kiss him and things would get heated, but he won't even touch my bum or anything? So I one night we were drunk and things progressed slightly, but not sex. A week afterwards, we spoke about it and he said "I don't think I could sleep with you unless I was drunk, and don't think anything would have happened last weekend if I wasn't drunk". - Now he's a shy and not very confident guy when it comes to girls so I knew what he meant, but ever since he said it, it's like a switch has gone off and I have no feelings for him.

    That weekend progressively got worse with him saying stupid things and making promises he couldn't keep. Now, I'm the sort of person that will give someone the benefit of the doubt and try and work through the bad patches. But it's not got any better and he keeps upsetting me unintentionally e.g. used me to get to this photographer, who is my friend too, in order to organise a shoot for him when he was meeting all my friends for the first time. Behind my back. Knowing I love my photographer and could have asked me, but nope he chose her because she's more well known and basically wanted her to help his career blow up on Insta.

    I don't even want to kiss him now and after the incident I can't imagine we will be having sex for a very long time. But I keep holding out hope because I truly believe he isn't a bad guy, he's just an idiot that doesn't think. I just wish it could go back to how it was because he treats me really well. I don't wanna walk away cause in the grand scheme of things, the things he does is minor compared to previous boyfriends cheating and talking to other girls and whatever, and he does treat me well. But what do I do?
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    Ask him:
    1) if he's just nervous
    2) if it's you personally (if he's a gentleman he'll probably say no)
    3) if he's only interested in a platonic relationship.

    Think about how important the sexual part of a relationship is to you, if it's something you can't wait for/live without, maybe just best to leave it unfortunately. But after all, you'd want a boy to wait until you were ready instead of being pushy so try not to be! Good luck x
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    I think you should have some understanding to him and wait. Things will get better by itself.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So I have been dating this guy for nearly three months now. Towards the start of our relationship it was great and he was just a genuinely nice guy, taking me off for dinner, doing nice things with thought like walking around winter wonderland with me to get me in the Christmas mood.

    After previously horrific relationships, and me being his first girlfriend (he's 20 and I'm 19), we decided to take things slow. Theres slow, and then there is this pace. Like I know he is trying to be respectful and everything but I would climb on him and kiss him and things would get heated, but he won't even touch my bum or anything? So I one night we were drunk and things progressed slightly, but not sex. A week afterwards, we spoke about it and he said "I don't think I could sleep with you unless I was drunk, and don't think anything would have happened last weekend if I wasn't drunk". - Now he's a shy and not very confident guy when it comes to girls so I knew what he meant, but ever since he said it, it's like a switch has gone off and I have no feelings for him.

    That weekend progressively got worse with him saying stupid things and making promises he couldn't keep. Now, I'm the sort of person that will give someone the benefit of the doubt and try and work through the bad patches. But it's not got any better and he keeps upsetting me unintentionally e.g. used me to get to this photographer, who is my friend too, in order to organise a shoot for him when he was meeting all my friends for the first time. Behind my back. Knowing I love my photographer and could have asked me, but nope he chose her because she's more well known and basically wanted her to help his career blow up on Insta.

    I don't even want to kiss him now and after the incident I can't imagine we will be having sex for a very long time. But I keep holding out hope because I truly believe he isn't a bad guy, he's just an idiot that doesn't think. I just wish it could go back to how it was because he treats me really well. I don't wanna walk away cause in the grand scheme of things, the things he does is minor compared to previous boyfriends cheating and talking to other girls and whatever, and he does treat me well. But what do I do?

    It's understandable that your bf wouldn't feel comfortable being too intimate with you, because you are his first girlfriend and he doesn't know what to do atm. It also seems that he does not want to take advantage of you by touching or doing inappropriate things.

    Just because he doesn't touch you in a certain way or want to have sex with you, it sort of makes you feel insecure and unwanted as your previous relationships would give you sexual attention.

    I don't think there's any comparison to make with him and the other guys. Just give it time, it's only 3 months into the relationship!!!!!!!!

    It doesn't make him a bad person for not wanting to have sex with you, but imagine how he would feel if you broke up with him because of something so minor?

    If it's getting to a point where you can't take it, then talk to him about it and if you want to break up with him then it's your choice.

    Talk to him about it.



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    • #1
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    (Original post by babyshawte)

    If it's getting to a point where you can't take it, then talk to him about it and if you want to break up with him then it's your choice.

    Talk to him about it.

    Posted from TSR Mobile

    I have spoken to him about how he is upsetting me and I do get that he is nervous and lacking in experience, but there comes a point where he needs to be a man surely? I'm not just some girl you can practice on till you get it right (not in the sense of sex), like surely this can't go on for much longer?
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    (Original post by lccy)
    But after all, you'd want a boy to wait until you were ready instead of being pushy so try not to be! Good luck x
    It's not even that I'm being pushy, I just want some sort of sign that it's not just all me. Sometimes it's nice for a guy to take control, even if it's grabbing you and kissing you... but he doesn't even do that. I feel so much pressure on me to initiate things and shouldn't have to either.
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    I get this.
    My bf has a problem with nudity, even on films, and for alittle while it bothered me that he wouldn’t want to have sex for a long time.But, as long as he knows your eventual intentions, you will most likely passthrough this phase.
    Don’t worry too much about whether or not you’re pressuringhim, a bit of encouragement isn’t a bad thing- and if he’s not comfortable thenhe’ll stand his ground until he is.
    Just stick it out for a bit longer and see if thingsimprove, it’s not all about intimacy
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It's not even that I'm being pushy, I just want some sort of sign that it's not just all me. Sometimes it's nice for a guy to take control, even if it's grabbing you and kissing you... but he doesn't even do that. I feel so much pressure on me to initiate things and shouldn't have to either.
    I didn't mean to make it sound like I was implying that you were being pushy - I'm just saying be patient. You're his first girlfriend after-all.
 
 
 
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