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Am I selfish for not wanting children?

Everyone in my family have children (and lots of them!) but I just don't feel maternal or ever have the need to have babies. If I see any in the street, loads of people will coo at them but I just walk past like they're strangers and it doesn't come into my mind that they are 'cute' or 'gorgeous'. I feel really bad because I thought I would want children but I just don't. I see babies who are new born, will just grow up into terrible twos, throw tantrums, act spoilt, expect everything, financial strain, make a mess.. Cannot be dealing with it! I am not a party goer either! I just work, go to uni, watch TV and sleep :/ am I really a horrible person for this? My boyfriend always tells me that he loves kids and I just say I cannot stand them lol.

Reply 1

xoxAngel_Kxox

21

No.

You'd be more selfish if you brought children into the world because you felt you should, rather than because they were wanted.

Reply 2

Zel23

Your not selfish in anyway.

The world needs more people like you.

Reply 3

Ahava

10

Selfish is the wrong word to describe someone who doesn't want children. If anything, it's selfless. Plenty of people have children who don't exactly want them, and those children end up getting neglected or even abused. It's not a good idea to bring innocent human beings into this world just please other people.

Reply 4

hamix.forllz

4

no...there are seven billion out there, and it's their full prerogative.

Reply 5

ChillGod

1

It's not selfish at all, alot of people feel that way, but some have also had a (un)happy surprise and discovered newfound feelings for their child.

An old teacher of mine said even though he's in education, he'd never have children. When prompted why he said he's got enough nieces and nephews, he'd rather spend the money he's saved travelling with his girlfriend. They've gone on some amazing trips, the way he enjoys life is kind of inspirational tbf.

Reply 6

Tiger Rag

22

Agreed with the others. You should only have children because it's what you want. Not what others think you should have.

Reply 7

Emily.97

21

Original post by Anonymous

Everyone in my family have children (and lots of them!) but I just don't feel maternal or ever have the need to have babies. If I see any in the street, loads of people will coo at them but I just walk past like they're strangers and it doesn't come into my mind that they are 'cute' or 'gorgeous'. I feel really bad because I thought I would want children but I just don't. I see babies who are new born, will just grow up into terrible twos, throw tantrums, act spoilt, expect everything, financial strain, make a mess.. Cannot be dealing with it! I am not a party goer either! I just work, go to uni, watch TV and sleep :/ am I really a horrible person for this? My boyfriend always tells me that he loves kids and I just say I cannot stand them lol.

I'm very similar to you. I've said to my mum before that I don't intend on having children and she appears disappointed, but also confused because it is considered the norm. I think people need to realise that it isn't always necessary for people to go down such a path, and it isnt what some people want out of life! I hope that I'm never in a scenario when I'm in love with somebody who really wants children..its a very big thing to reach a compromise on.

Reply 8

Octohedral

16

The only way it would be selfish is if you haven't told your boyfriend and he thinks he's going to marry you and have lots of babies.

However, it sounds like you've been pretty clear on the matter, so all good. :smile:

Reply 9

lilymoran

16

Do what ever you want.

However, there may be trouble ahead ... if you want to have a long term relationship with your boy friend and he is determined to have children. You will make him very unhappy if you don't and you will be making a huge mistake if you do just to please him. It is desperate times for any child to feel that their mother didn't want them.

It may be that you will change your mind of course. But if you are sure you won't you must be grown up about it and have that conversation with your partner. It may well be a deal breaker for him and you must discuss this sooner rather than later so that you both can meet people who will be a better match.

Reply 10

Shahleena

6

Original post by Anonymous

Everyone in my family have children (and lots of them!) but I just don't feel maternal or ever have the need to have babies. If I see any in the street, loads of people will coo at them but I just walk past like they're strangers and it doesn't come into my mind that they are 'cute' or 'gorgeous'. I feel really bad because I thought I would want children but I just don't. I see babies who are new born, will just grow up into terrible twos, throw tantrums, act spoilt, expect everything, financial strain, make a mess.. Cannot be dealing with it! I am not a party goer either! I just work, go to uni, watch TV and sleep :/ am I really a horrible person for this? My boyfriend always tells me that he loves kids and I just say I cannot stand them lol.

You are not selfish at all. Our parents are the selfish ones. they had us without thinking of the impact on our futures. They knew that we would potentially have to fight like dogs over entry level grad positions but this did not quell their selfish desire for children.

Reply 11

Inspire123

1

Original post by Ahava

Selfish is the wrong word to describe someone who doesn't want children. If anything, it's selfless. Plenty of people have children who don't exactly want them, and those children end up getting neglected or even abused. It's not a good idea to bring innocent human beings into this world just please other people.

Well I wouldn’t say it’s selfless because it’s not as if she is not thinking about themselves at all. The person doesn’t want to deal with the hassle and on top of that is just not attracted to them. It would be stupid to have children if you feel no maternal instinct. But depending on age and of course circumstances, I wouldn’t say never have children or encourage it or the opposite.

Original post by Anonymous

Everyone in my family have children (and lots of them!) but I just don't feel maternal or ever have the need to have babies. If I see any in the street, loads of people will coo at them but I just walk past like they're strangers and it doesn't come into my mind that they are 'cute' or 'gorgeous'. I feel really bad because I thought I would want children but I just don't. I see babies who are new born, will just grow up into terrible twos, throw tantrums, act spoilt, expect everything, financial strain, make a mess.. Cannot be dealing with it! I am not a party goer either! I just work, go to uni, watch TV and sleep :/ am I really a horrible person for this? My boyfriend always tells me that he loves kids and I just say I cannot stand them lol.

Yeah, maybe you shouldn’t cause you do seem pretty detached which is totally fine. Personally I do sometimes see kids hanging out with their families and be like “Aww their so cute”, but from babysitting I know that their really not. I would advise not to tell your boyfriend that you never want kids but that it might be a possibility that you won’t. You can’t predict the future.

Reply 12

Bio 7

21

Original post by Shahleena

You are not selfish at all. Our parents are the selfish ones. they had us without thinking of the impact on our futures. They knew that we would potentially have to fight like dogs over entry level grad positions but this did not quell their selfish desire for children.

Original post by Inspire123

Yeah, maybe you shouldn’t cause you do seem pretty detached which is totally fine. Personally I do sometimes see kids hanging out with their families and be like “Aww their so cute”, but from babysitting I know that their really not. I would advise not to tell your boyfriend that you never want kids but that it might be a possibility that you won’t. You can’t predict the future.

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Am I selfish for not wanting children?

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