When I like somebody and they are talking to me I kinda get obsessive no but I over think things a bit too much I read into things . And i pre plan interactions with the person . I try act casually But I either panic an completely ignore the person , say something very silly or just come off as a bit rude
what can I do to combat this problem
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- Thread Starter
- 23-01-2015 22:19
- 23-01-2015 22:21
don't overthink, just let the conversation flow naturally. Also, if you like somebody then you should have no problem finding something to talk about (with that somebody)
- 23-01-2015 22:32
I know how you feel, I'm really bad with it as well. The other day I sat a chemistry mock without a calculator, because i couldn't bring myself to ask for one. I think you should try to force yourself into saying what you plan to say, but you could start doing it with friends first
- 24-01-2015 02:10
Overthinking and anxiety are hard to overcome unless you work out what is causing them, amd no you are not alone, and yes, loads of people do exactly what you do.
Can you identify something specific causing it? (Can be looks, size, voice, clothes, anything) Try your best to either improve/solve the cause, or ignore it. When interacting with them, note how you percieve their appearance/behaviour. If you focus/admire anything specific, examine that trait in yourself. Do you have that trait? Do you like the trait? Are you jelous of the trait?
The usual way to overcome this kind of anxiety, your halfway there, is treating them differently, this includes ignoring them and being playfully rude/hurtful to them. It is a very anxious task to approach someone and tell them you like them. It is much easier to ignore them and playfully insult them. There is no risk of 'rejection' and a low risk of being ignored, as usually people will react to an insult. The fear of being ignored or rejection can cause anxiety, which is why you remove those possibilities.
If they insult you back, you insult them back. It breaks the ice nicely as well as establishing a casual relationship.
Not only anxious people use this technique, but people not suffering from this may often do this naturally as a flirting technique. It removes the risk of rejection, which can be the cause of a lot of anxiety, as you are not asking for something, simply being playfully rude. Things like "Crap haircut!" said joking if they have had a haircut, or performing annoying acts like not holding or purposely closing a door behind you playfully.
This will fiend an interest in you, as the person will want to know what is up. They may percieve this as affection. And remember to keep anything light/harmless, you do not actually want to insult the person.