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a question for guys and girls

hey, please excuse this post for being a bit emo. thanks.

basically i'm a guy (i'm 19) and i've been single all my life. quite often i go through really quite depressed patches, cos it's not very nice, obviously.

i don't understand those people who say oh but i';m not looking for a girlfriend right now, cos surely being in a relationship is amazing, and i want that so much.

i used to blame it on my looks, cos i wore glasses, was really skinny, and had the most ridiculous side parting you've ever seen (trust me it was hideous..) but now that i'm older and have lost the glasses, even though i still see myself as a geek, i've been told quite a few times im quite good looking. mostly by really good friends, so i never know if they're telling the truth.

i'm usually really confident, i'm known among my friends that im really outging and ill always talk to strangers (although some find it weird..), but then again i dont think im arrogant, well in any case i dont have a problem with self-esteem.

hm, i can be really geeky some of the time, maybe thats it i dunno.

i can't see myself ever getting a girlfriend, since i have no experience really with being in a relationship, which everyone else seems to have, but i dunno, where am i going wrong???

bit vague i know, apologies for that.

anyway, can anyone help? cheers

Reply 1

Fluent in Lies

2

It'll happen, just don't let it bother you. And yeah I hate all those people that are born with experience in relationships. Curse them

Reply 2

Omega3Addict

2

If you see yourself as a geek then others tend to agree with you. Some men looks better with glasses on! It shows maturity and class.

Reply 3

Profesh

20

Fluent in Lies

It'll happen, just don't let it bother you. And yeah I hate all those people that are born with experience in relationships. Curse them

Heredity is nine tenths of the law, don't you know; and suffice it to say that some are 'taxed' more severely than others.

Reply 4

Fluent in Lies

2

Omega3Addict

If you see yourself as a geek then others tend to agree with you. Some men looks better with glasses on! It shows maturity and class.

And short-sightedness.

Reply 5

Neverendingroses

Anonymous

i can't see myself ever getting a girlfriend, since i have no experience really with being in a relationship, which everyone else seems to have, but i dunno, where am i going wrong???

thats where you're going wrong

it doesnt sound like you're very confident at all

if you cant see yourself ever getting a girlfriend then you are never going to get one. they dont just fall into your lap from the sky.

most girls dont ask guys out, so you may find you have to do the asking. I was never very confident. so I would tell someone (who I knew had a big mouth) that I liked someone, that'd give them incentive to ask me out or at least show me they were also interested so things could progress naturally
thats something worth trying.
try to become friends with more girls... it gives you more opportunity to score. not just with them, maybe with other girls they know, their friends etc.

I have seen some seriously HIDEOUS looking freaky people with boyfriends/girlfriends, you say you're pretty normal maybe a bit geeky (but isnt everybody in their own way) so theres no reason why you shouldnt get a girlfriend.
you're still really young anyway
just give it time, put yourself out there and show girls you are interested in them. it'll happen...

Reply 6

RL99

1

Anonymous

hey, please excuse this post for being a bit emo. thanks.

basically i'm a guy (i'm 19) and i've been single all my life. quite often i go through really quite depressed patches, cos it's not very nice, obviously.

i don't understand those people who say oh but i';m not looking for a girlfriend right now, cos surely being in a relationship is amazing, and i want that so much.

No it isn't very nice, but it depends what you're after. If you're after a relationship which it sounds like you are, it's not exactly a disaster that you haven't found someone by 19. In terms of people saying they aren't after a relationship, well some people just aren't after one but would rather something casual, others may have had bad experiences in the past, some will just be putting on a front, etc. Tbh it's not relevant what anyone else says or wants anyway, this is about you.

Anonymous

i can't see myself ever getting a girlfriend, since i have no experience really with being in a relationship, which everyone else seems to have, but i dunno, where am i going wrong???

Well as somebody has already said, your attitude of thinking you're not going to find a girlfriend probably has something to do with it. I think you have to believe you're good enough else nobody else will think you are. I know you can't just click your fingers and magically believe it though, I'm 21 and I've only just started to believe in myself like this in the last year or so. Maybe it's a part of growing up. Others may just be born with it, the b*stards...

Anyway what's 'experience in relationships' got to do with it? Every person is different, as is every relationship, ok maybe there are things you may have learnt from past relationships, but they could also make you bitter and chippy. Just consider yourself another single bloke on the market, the fact that you haven't had a relationship before shouldn't matter, at least to the right girl it won't.

Finally, although you don't need to be arrogant about it, ask yourself have you really met a girl who you can definitely say you want(ed) to be with? I.e. it's not necessarily that you're not good enough, but maybe you haven't found anyone good enough/right for you? Just a thought.

Reply 7

w8wizz

2

Fluent in Lies

And short-sightedness.

lol

Reply 8

mr_person

1

Believe it or not, you are at your most attractive to many girls when you aren't the kind of guys who seems to be actively looking for a relationship. Don't let these worries affect your life and you will find someone :-)

Reply 9

NickNack

1

meh im 19 as well, and never had a real (or fake?) relationship either - yeh ive had opportunities that havent interested me, nd often randomly told im good looking from gals nd guys alike, but meh what will be will be my friend.

Really, the harder you look the less likely you are to find - for a long time i was like you and really looking, but ended up missing the obvious. Now im not letting it bothering me and going with the flow more, its easier to see more clearly nd im getting the feeling something good might be brewing up as i speak with a proper dream gal :p:

Reply 10

silverbolt

19

the more you look for it the less it will happen, people desperate for relationships give some crazed out vibe.

just relax

Reply 11

samba

6

When do we get a question for cats and dogs :biggrin:

Reply 12

bone-machine

9

are you in uni?....have you joined societies and it has made no difference?..also dont give up hope...in second year of uni everyone has hosue parties and these are great places to meet people and talk properly but with a bit of dutch courage in the system :smile:

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

OP

yeh thanks a lot guys, i totally agree with what your saying.

thing is i have done the casual stuff, and it's really not what i want now, i want a proper relationship with someone.

you're right stuff has always happened when i've been not worrying about it, very weird!

my course is something like 80/90% girls, and i'm also a member of the biggest society at the uni, which is mostly girls. i know tons of girls, that's not the problem.

i sometimes think it's a BAD thing, cos i spend so much time with girls (hanging out at the library, walking home with them etc etc) i don't have a lot of guy friends, and the ones i do have are really not very masculine at all (which i like, i feel intimidated by blokey blokes). could this be it? should i spend more time with guys?

maybe you're right i've not met many girls who i actually have wanted to be with. and ones i have i've never known how to turn it into a relationship.

i don't want to just meet a girl in a club or whatever and drunkenly go home with her, that is the complete opposite of what i want. i went through a phase of pulling girls at clubs and getting really drunk and i'm so sickened by all that now. (i only did it cos i'd never pulled anyone before uni). i know im such a girl in this way but i just want something real and that might last or whatever.