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Don't know how to interact with people watch

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    I've come to the realization that a lot of the problems I've had in life stem from not knowing how to interact with people on top of not being able to sense that anybody else has a problem with this until it's far too late and I get excluded because of it right after it's brought to my attention.

    Like one thing I have figured out is that people usually think I'm very ignorant or aloof because there are times when I don't talk. I just don't feel like talking or have nothing to say, and this has absolutely nothing to do with whoever happens to be in the room at the time. Sometimes I just like to listen to the conversation and I used to think that was fine but discovered this is not really acceptable. I have no idea why it's not acceptable, I just know now it isn't.

    So this leads on to a new problem. I try to fill in the silences so that people won't get upset, but I really strain to try and think of anything to say at all, and strain even more to think of something I can say to hop on board the conversation. Nothing comes to mind.

    This also raises another issue. When I am listening to people having a conversation I usually hear a mass of voices, but don't actually understand about 75% of what they are saying. I grasp on to little snippets and phrases to try and draw a picture in my mind of what they're saying but they're blazing ahead at a pace I can't follow, sometimes with other distracting background noises causing even greater interference, which makes it harder to join in while staying on topic.

    This usually leads to people thinking I don't want to be involved when I really do, or that I'm not really interested when I really am. I just have a different idea of what involvement is, which doesn't necessarily mean we have to be talking to each other every 5 minutes. I'm quite happy being in silence with someone but I learned this makes many people uneasy.

    I have tried the route of getting some professional opinion but private is too expensive, NHS aren't interested because it's not an extreme case and I'm not mentally ill, the counsellor I was offered only seemed to be able to give very superficial advice and was not qualified to deal with my enquiry.

    Are there any services available for more specific problems like this that I can use for advice? It's not to the extreme of being a medical case, more like I just need some re-training of my understanding on how to interact with people in a normal manner.
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    Join a community of some sort
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    (Original post by shawn_o1)
    Join a community of some sort
    Can you suggest any? I have tried looking down this route before without success as I was unable to find any non-online communities that I could join but would consider revisiting it. Anything to get some extra practice.

    However I do feel that I need some proper training by a qualified teacher of some kind. Does something like that exist in the UK on NHS, or maybe in some other affordable way? I would be willing to pay but I am on a tight budget.
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    I think you might have an ASD. And autism communities do exist. There are even companies specialising in employing people with autism
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    (Original post by Powpowpowpowpow)
    Can you suggest any? I have tried looking down this route before without success as I was unable to find any non-online communities that I could join but would consider revisiting it. Anything to get some extra practice.

    However I do feel that I need some proper training by a qualified teacher of some kind. Does something like that exist in the UK on NHS, or maybe in some other affordable way? I would be willing to pay but I am on a tight budget.
    It might not make you feel any better, nor will it solve your problem but I have an identical issue. It's really been bugging me over the past year.

    Just thought I'd say.
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    what are your interests or hobbies? What do you like talking about? As the person above said just join a club/society/community that you are interested in so you can talk to people that have the same interests as you. I used to have a similar problem, all my friends would always talk about football but I was always silent because I never knew a lot about football teams or players. Fortunately, i managed to find friends at my college that have the same interests as me which is films/movies. Good Luck
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    (Original post by shawn_o1)
    I think you might have an ASD. And autism communities do exist. There are even companies specialising in employing people with autism
    Thank you for your suggestion. I have been to various doctors about this problem and other problems (some of which were circumstantial) and they have never suggested this to me, so I think it's not likely as someone would probably have noticed by now.

    That said I have never been able to get referred to a specialist, the last doctor I spoke to was quite frank about not wanting to refer me for a diagnostic appointment (was going through long-term stress at the time that was affecting my health and needed guidance) because the services are so stretched and so she just referred me for a one-time counselling session.

    (Original post by upagumtree)
    It might not make you feel any better, nor will it solve your problem but I have an identical issue. It's really been bugging me over the past year.

    Just thought I'd say.
    If I get any good suggestions outside of this thread I'll drop you a PM. Best of luck.

    (Original post by DeadEnd_96)
    what are your interests or hobbies? What do you like talking about? As the person above said just join a club/society/community that you are interested in so you can talk to people that have the same interests as you. I used to have a similar problem, all my friends would always talk about football but I was always silent because I never knew a lot about football teams or players. Fortunately, i managed to find friends at my college that have the same interests as me which is films/movies. Good Luck
    I think part of the problem is that I just don't have any interests or hobbies. The things I do to kill time are exactly for that, killing time, usually when I lack access to or am taking a break from the things that need to be done at home and job-search-wise. I don't do anything out of a want to do so, only out of a need, even if that need is just a need to not feel like my brain is dissolving into mush out of boredom. Right now I'm jumping on learning any activity that comes my way and might be marginally marketable, because survival. But they're still hard to talk about because I still don't enjoy them in the least bit. I understand what you mean though... I'm going to have to build myself up a bit. I know this sounds weird, but maybe I should be asking those learning drama for some pointers? More and more time goes by, the more I think I need to adopt and act out a character.

    Joining communities geared towards my interests is a great suggestion and think you for posting it. The problem is I need to be able to be sociable in workplaces, and I can't be picky about where I work or who with.
 
 
 
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