Okay, recently I've been feeling horrible about myself and don't know what to do
Basic Background Info - I'm a Muslim guy, aged 17 now
Basically, it all started off when I was in Year 7, I used to get bullied. There was a few boys who used to bully me because of unknown reasons. They used to tell me things like I was ugly, I was short and a midget and worst of all, they used to call me names like TV (long story short, I've got a permanent visible scar which was caused when a TV fell on my head and they had to stich it up)
I didn't enjoy this and obviously since I was quite young, I used to cry quite easily in Year 7
By Year 8, I used to be pushed for no reason by the same boys and even was threatened with death.
2 years later and it still continues, but then stops after one of the boys leaves the school to move to another school. I'm happy about that
So the bullying kinda stops
But moving onwards, the next year (in November when I'm in Year 10) I'm caught jerking at home (in my bedroom)
And I begin to feel insecure about myself and feel like everyone hates me suddenly and no one wants me/
Worst of all, one of my teachers are notified about this in a meeting and I feel even more insecure about myself at school now.
At home, I was threatened to stop (I won't go into detail about what threats where made but it involved being threatened with castration - of course I haven't been castrated though)
Every and now then, since that incident, I've been caught with c*m stains in my underwear (sometimes prec*m)
So I would get into trouble and stuff. Then once last year (I made a seperate thread for this) I was caught (due to c*m stains in my bed) and at that moment, I was threatened with a knife to my throat. Ever since then, I've wanted to die and don't think I should be alive.
Sooner or later, my phone was confiscated (still don't have a phone since June) and for a few nights, I had to sleep without a duvet or pillow which affected my sleep and caused back and spinal problems for some time (those back problems are now resolved) but I've now got a duvet though
I've been told I'm impure and no one would marry you (which doesn't make much sense) and that I shouldn't even be alive. I've been scapegoated for problems as well
Flash forward to present, and it still continues (the name-calling and insulting and stuff) I still think I shouldn't be alive because no one really wants me and needs me but I know suicide isn't an option for me, I shouldn't be thinking about that
I just want some advice on what to do now.
Someone on the other thread said to stop j"rking and I have attempted to but relapsed
I've quoted some people who I think could provide some advice
Someone help me Watch
- 24-01-2015 13:10
- 24-01-2015 20:49
This is a matter for Social Services, to be honest. I know it's not very practical advice but that's child abuse. If ever any of my parents put a knife to my throat, no matter how much I love them, I'd consider my own safety first and inform the authorities, easier said than done.
Regarding the bullying, I don't have any relevant advice. I'd consider informing the school of your situation, nonetheless.
Loneliness is felt by everyone at some stage of their lives. Every other day, I probably go into that state where I just feel as though I'm the only one looking out for myself. I still don't know how to deal with it, I just let it phase out and subside and if crying comes with it, so be it.
I ain't going to bother giving religious guidance, as I'm not the right person for it. I'll quote in someone more knowledgable on that front.
Don't let all this affect your direction and focus in life, that's one thing you don't want to come to regret.
- 25-01-2015 12:54
- 25-01-2015 14:29
To be honest, my school were notified when I was in Year 8 and minor steps were taken in place but now I've moved school since I'm currently studying in sixth form so things have changed
Jazakullah Khairun for quoting someone who can provide some more help on the situation.
- 25-01-2015 14:35
OP you have to report this. Having a knife out to your throat isn't acceptable
- 26-01-2015 12:48
Thanks for your post, I agree with what others have said. The abuse you have experienced is unacceptable. You deserve to be safe at home and this response is very concerning.
You can contact your local social services to report this and you can also call childline on 0800 1111 (don't be put off by the name, they work with older teens as well and will be able to give you really good advice and also help you contact a social worker).