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Worried about what sort of person I've become Watch

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    So I've been at quite a low point recently. It kind of started in November when I hooked up with a guy at a party who I really liked who then went onto reject me. I've also been on a couple of dates since and nothing seemed to come from them. However I have been on tinder for a while and I met up with this guy (went round his, he didn't leave far) and we got pretty physical (fingering).

    Now a few months ago I never would have let something like this happen and I am worried what people might think about me and stuff idk. I come across quite innocent and I was until a while ago but now it's like I don't care who I hook up with and am worried people will think I'm desperate etc. I don't know why I let this happen - I never would've done something so casual before and I'm slightly worried people might find out or something. Also is it rude to tell him not to say anything to people about what happened and am I stupid for being like this? I want a nice, stable relationship more than anything in the world and I feel like I've given up or something.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So I've been at quite a low point recently. It kind of started in November when I hooked up with a guy at a party who I really liked who then went onto reject me. I've also been on a couple of dates since and nothing seemed to come from them. However I have been on tinder for a while and I met up with this guy (went round his, he didn't leave far) and we got pretty physical (fingering).

    Now a few months ago I never would have let something like this happen and I am worried what people might think about me and stuff idk. I come across quite innocent and I was until a while ago but now it's like I don't care who I hook up with and am worried people will think I'm desperate etc. I don't know why I let this happen - I never would've done something so casual before and I'm slightly worried people might find out or something. Also is it rude to tell him not to say anything to people about what happened and am I stupid for being like this? I want a nice, stable relationship more than anything in the world and I feel like I've given up or something.
    If you feel this way then you should be worried. If you had high morale's and could let this kind of thing happen then you should be worried. If it is all stemming from the guy that rejected you then the last thing you want to be doing is going round on multiple dates. Nothing wrong in being single for a while
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    Ask yourself why you're worried about this. Is it because having sex with people you don't really know makes you feel uncomfortable (whether because of safety concerns or something else) or does the unease stem from worrying about peer judgement? If the latter I would advise you not to worry so much and carry on if you find casual sex fun and pleasurable.
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    (Original post by Ekemini)
    If you feel this way then you should be worried. If you had high morale's and could let this kind of thing happen then you should be worried. If it is all stemming from the guy that rejected you then the last thing you want to be doing is going round on multiple dates. Nothing wrong in being single for a while
    I'm not sure whether it did stem from this or not but I can't seem to pinpoint it to anything else. I just feel guilty because casual hook-ups isn't really me but on the other hand I don't feel that bad I'm just worried if people were to find out and what they might think of me.
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    (Original post by ilem)
    Ask yourself why you're worried about this. Is it because having sex with people you don't really know makes you feel uncomfortable (whether because of safety concerns or something else) or does the unease stem from worrying about peer judgement? If the latter I would advise you not to worry so much and carry on if you find casual sex fun and pleasurable.
    I think it's the latter for sure, because I actually didn't feel uncomfortable with what was happening or I would've stopped much earlier on.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I think it's the latter for sure, because I actually didn't feel uncomfortable with what was happening or I would've stopped much earlier on.
    In that case I don't think you should stop doing what you find enjoyable and fun just in case some judgemental people could find your behaviour to be inappropriate.
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    It sounds like by not caring who you hook up with, it's a way of simply punishing yourself for what happened.
    Are there any close family or friends you can speak to so you're not being too hard on yourself?
    Not sure how long ago it was since you met the guy in question, but if its been a while, best to let it be. Sometimes telling someone not to say anything can fuel the situation. For some people, if they know it bothers you, they will do the opposite of what you want, which is why it's best to speak to someone very close who knows you?
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    bump - need some other perspectives
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    most unhelpful reply ever, thank you.
    I dunno, it made me chuckle, and they do say laughter is the best medicine! (I have flu atm) :sick:

    In seriousness I'd chill if I were you, don't overthink too much, but do demand to be treated with the respect you feel you are due, and aim to behave in a broadly respectable manner if that matters to you Tinder is practically synonymous with casual hook-ups by now, so if that's not what you're into, use a different platform
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So I've been at quite a low point recently. It kind of started in November when I hooked up with a guy at a party who I really liked who then went onto reject me. I've also been on a couple of dates since and nothing seemed to come from them. However I have been on tinder for a while and I met up with this guy (went round his, he didn't leave far) and we got pretty physical (fingering).

    Now a few months ago I never would have let something like this happen and I am worried what people might think about me and stuff idk. I come across quite innocent and I was until a while ago but now it's like I don't care who I hook up with and am worried people will think I'm desperate etc. I don't know why I let this happen - I never would've done something so casual before and I'm slightly worried people might find out or something. Also is it rude to tell him not to say anything to people about what happened and am I stupid for being like this? I want a nice, stable relationship more than anything in the world and I feel like I've given up or something.
    Hi there,
    Okay this this all sounds like desensitisation. When you do something a couple of times, whatever it may be, you become desensitised to the action.
    So let's say in this scenario, you "got of" with a few guys and it desensitised you to those actions. So you become more likely to indulge in such actions.
    Now everything you do feels likes a slight step up from the last time, carrying on the trail of desensitisation.
    I think it's best to try and figure the person you were before, when something like this would have shocked you and compare the person you are now to the person you were then.
    And decide which you prefer?
    If you prefer the first, I'd say delete tinder and just spend some time focusing on yourself, your interests and family and friends
    Hope this helps!
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    (Original post by ilem)
    Ask yourself why you're worried about this. Is it because having sex with people you don't really know makes you feel uncomfortable (whether because of safety concerns or something else) or does the unease stem from worrying about peer judgement? If the latter I would advise you not to worry so much and carry on if you find casual sex fun and pleasurable.
    I'm with this dude. Do it if you enjoy it - just stay safe and don't let yourself feel like other people have the right to judge you. There's nothing morally wrong with a bit of casual fun so long as no one gets hurt.

    How old are you? I ask because I'm in my late twenties and no one I know these days (male or female) gives two hoots about two consenting adults hooking up.
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    (Original post by Jelkin)
    I'm with this dude. Do it if you enjoy it - just stay safe and don't let yourself feel like other people have the right to judge you. There's nothing morally wrong with a bit of casual fun so long as no one gets hurt.

    How old are you? I ask because I'm in my late twenties and no one I know these days (male or female) gives two hoots about two consenting adults hooking up.
    I'm 17 so I'm still at school and people talk... that's the only reason why I care so much
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    (Original post by Rimmie)
    Hi there,
    Okay this this all sounds like desensitisation. When you do something a couple of times, whatever it may be, you become desensitised to the action.
    So let's say in this scenario, you "got of" with a few guys and it desensitised you to those actions. So you become more likely to indulge in such actions.
    Now everything you do feels likes a slight step up from the last time, carrying on the trail of desensitisation.
    I think it's best to try and figure the person you were before, when something like this would have shocked you and compare the person you are now to the person you were then.
    And decide which you prefer?
    If you prefer the first, I'd say delete tinder and just spend some time focusing on yourself, your interests and family and friends
    Hope this helps!
    This sounds exactly like what's happened I think. That was helpful, thank you :-)
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm 17 so I'm still at school and people talk... that's the only reason why I care so much
    Ah, I see, understandable. Shame though - honestly, you'll probably find that everyone gets over it a bit with age. Well I suppose if you care about people talking then you have to be restrained or try dating people away from your school. Don't feel bad about your choices though, you're not doing anything wrong!
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    (Original post by Jelkin)
    Ah, I see, understandable. Shame though - honestly, you'll probably find that everyone gets over it a bit with age. Well I suppose if you care about people talking then you have to be restrained or try dating people away from your school. Don't feel bad about your choices though, you're not doing anything wrong!
    yeah you're probably right, thanks
 
 
 
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