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boyfriend doing least possible work watch

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    I've been in a two year relationship and it was going pretty well. At first he seemed really hard working, going to college three times a week and working the other four days. He smoked a lot of weed with our mutual friend (before we met I didn't really know about it) I cut him some slack for being lazy, thinking he was a hard worker and waiting for him to change seemed really worth it. I love him very much, he has spoken often about having a house, children, marriage with me...which is sweet (although a bit full on-especially when his mum mentions wedding dresses! ) I do feel the same-although I want to travel and experience different things before all of that...I am only 20! 6 months ago I decided to go to Uni after deferring a year-thinking he was worth it. After showing him what Uni is really like he decided to apply too and (after me pushing him and eventually finishing work for him and even rewriting his personal statement at 10 to midnight before the deadline) we got into the same one (at first his parents weren't too keen-neither has an education and were convinced he would join the army like his dad). I said bluntly that I didn't agree and would struggle to stay with him if he joined (ideologically and considering we'd be apart for 6 months at a time-I wasn't up for that). Small things bugged me; this summer we went to Turkey for a month together-I arranged everything and did everything while we were away. Again when my parents invited us out to their apartment in Tenerife, he didn't offer once to pay for a meal, I paid for flights etc. making things awkward and demanding.. 'I'm bored, we're going to the pool', 'I'm tired, we're going back now.' 'I'm hungry, we're eating now,' etc. His parents aren't very good with money and so he doesn't have as much as me so I cut him slack when I buy food and he doesn't offer, when he owes me money and takes ages to pay me back..(he complains often about having no money but always has enough for his hobbies, snacks, etc. and with his experience working in garages and studying engineering he could get a job like that if he wanted-I've even offered to write his CV for him-send it to my dad who promised him well paid Xmas/summer work that would be good experience-he couldn't be bothered) but he always finds an excuse not to cook, clean up, go food shopping, go out with friends, wash up, hoover...It's really starting to do my head in. I've done everything I can think of to make things easy for him but I need support too. We are in the same situation and he doesn't appreciate that I miss home too, I'm learning to fend for myself too, I have studying to do too. He's doing the bare minimum to scrape by academically, financially and physically. I love him more than anything and will do all I can to make this work but I feel like I've cut him too much slack, given too many pep talks and am now just exhausted of saying the same thing over again. What do I do? Please help!!
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    Why do you still love him? If someone showed me such a lot of disrespect by basically giving up on life in front of me, id stop loving them.
    • #2
    #2

    I know how you feel OP, my boyfriend is very similar. He was doing a HND when we met. That was supposed to get him into second year at uni but he didn't do well enough so had to start from first year. He failed first year and hasn't gone back since. He moved in with me a year ago but has spent most of the last year playing his Xbox getting drunk. He works at the weekend, washes his own clothes and makes his own food but I find it so frustrating that I'm doing most of the housework even though I work full time during the week. Financially, he isn't too bad because he does work part-time but I do have to lend him some occasionally. He does some overtime in his current job but doesn't want more because he doesn't like working there. He says he wants a full time job, and that he is looking for one, but he don't seem to apply for that many (maybe like 1 a month). I don't want to break up over this but I do find the laziness a huge turnoff.

    In your case, your boyfriend does seem to be worse than mine. It might just be immaturity that he will grow out of but if you think he won't, then you should recognise that and move on. You'll definitely start resenting him if your relationship remains so one-sided.
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    Stop enabling him, he knows he can do what he wants because you let him. Tell him you won't do it anymore and he needs to step up.

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