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Seeing a guy - is it worth letting my parents know? watch

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    I've recently started seeing a guy who lives at the opposite end of the city to me. The thing is I've never had a boyfriend or a sexual relationship prior to this. At this stage, I wouldn't class him as a boyfriend or anything remotely close to that, but we are seeing each other and spent the last weekend together. I've slept at his house once, but I'd like to stay over with him at the weekends. Thing is, I haven't told my parents and just keeping coming up with excuses as to where I am, I say I'm seeing friends etc. I'm a bit concerned that eventually the excuses will run out. It's not like I'm banned from seeing guys or anything - I'm 21 and my parents aren't religious or anything. It's more of a matter of is it worth telling them? I don't think this will turn into a relationship because I'm leaving for uni in September, but at the same time I don't like tip-toeing around and lying all the time.

    I think the main thing stopping me telling them, is, , though they'd be fine about it (they're not prudes when it comes to sex), because I've not really dated much before they might be worried about me getting hurt etc.

    What's the best thing to do - keep up the excuses or come clean? At the moment they don't suspect, but they probably will eventually if it carries on.
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    I don't see any harm in telling them really


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    There's no harm in telling them, at 21 you're definitely classified as an adult! I wouldn't feel any need to specifically say 'hey mum and dad I am dating this guy fire away!' Just tell them that you are going to visit a guy you met called 'blah blah blah'. They'll probably just be happy knowing where you are and that you're being safe
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    Tbh I'm very open with my parents, once I've started seeing someone, but not strictly going out in boyfriend, girlfriend terms, my parents will generally know they exist. Generally won't tell them precisely who they are straight away, and add bits n bobs over a period of time so when they eventually meet they have been given the info gradually.....

    God I don't know why I've thought about this so much :P
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    You're 21. You have the right to a private life. Your parents also sound quite liberal so I see no reason why they would demand where you are and where you have been etc.

    But then again, I guess it could be awkward if they are completely clueless as to what's going on. Just explain to them that you are dating someone but you don't think anything serious will come from it. I'm sure they would totally understand and be accepting. By explaining that it probably won't become serious, you're explaining that you probably won't get hurt so there's no need for them to worry about that aspect. (Make sure you don't actually end up getting hurt, although going to uni is a great distraction when getting over someone).
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    (Original post by Ahava)
    You're 21. You have the right to a private life. Your parents also sound quite liberal so I see no reason why they would demand where you are and where you have been etc.

    But then again, I guess it could be awkward if they are completely clueless as to what's going on. Just explain to them that you are dating someone but you don't think anything serious will come from it. I'm sure they would totally understand and be accepting. By explaining that it probably won't become serious, you're explaining that you probably won't get hurt so there's no need for them to worry about that aspect. (Make sure you don't actually end up getting hurt, although going to uni is a great distraction when getting over someone).
    Hmm, yeah I see what you mean. I think the only thing they might be concerned about is I'm finishing off 2 A2 levels atm (I wasn't able to do A-levels at 18 due to extenuating circumstances) and have places at really good universities. I think they might worry he'll distract me, but I don't plan to see him anymore than once a week and getting into my firm remains my priority, just not sure they'll see it that way...But on the other hand I feel like they're eventually going to guess anyway because I hardly ever stay with friends after nights out (once in a blue moon) so if I carry on staying over they'll figure something's up. With regard to them being liberal, they are, yeah, but he's 7 years older than me and has his own place, so me staying over with him makes it automatically obvious we're having sex, which is embarrassing for parents to know no matter what age you are!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hmm, yeah I see what you mean. I think the only thing they might be concerned about is I'm finishing off 2 A2 levels atm (I wasn't able to do A-levels at 18 due to extenuating circumstances) and have places at really good universities. I think they might worry he'll distract me, but I don't plan to see him anymore than once a week and getting into my firm remains my priority, just not sure they'll see it that way...But on the other hand I feel like they're eventually going to guess anyway because I hardly ever stay with friends after nights out (once in a blue moon) so if I carry on staying over they'll figure something's up. With regard to them being liberal, they are, yeah, but he's 7 years older than me and has his own place, so me staying over with him makes it automatically obvious we're having sex, which is embarrassing for parents to know no matter what age you are!
    Of course. I can see why your parents might worry about you being distracted, especially that you have had to take your A levels a bit later. At first they may worry about this, but actions speak louder than words. After a while they'll realise you really are just seeing him once a week and your education remains your top priority. You seem pretty determined so I'm sure you'll do well in your A levels and receive a place at a uni you want to go to.

    To save awkwardness and complications, maybe it's best to just drop it in. Explain that you don't want to make a big deal about it as it's not a serious relationship and won't develop into one either. I'm sure they won't start grilling you about your sex life either. They must know you are going to have sex at some point. I mean, I don't talk to my dad about sex. Ever. At all. No way. But I'm open about sex with my mum (had a few sexual complications and discussions about contraception). There isn't any need to be embarrassed because sometimes, surprisingly, your parents can actually give really good advice. They have been through it all themselves remember!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've recently started seeing a guy who lives at the opposite end of the city to me. The thing is I've never had a boyfriend or a sexual relationship prior to this. At this stage, I wouldn't class him as a boyfriend or anything remotely close to that, but we are seeing each other and spent the last weekend together. I've slept at his house once, but I'd like to stay over with him at the weekends. Thing is, I haven't told my parents and just keeping coming up with excuses as to where I am, I say I'm seeing friends etc. I'm a bit concerned that eventually the excuses will run out. It's not like I'm banned from seeing guys or anything - I'm 21 and my parents aren't religious or anything. It's more of a matter of is it worth telling them? I don't think this will turn into a relationship because I'm leaving for uni in September, but at the same time I don't like tip-toeing around and lying all the time.

    I think the main thing stopping me telling them, is, , though they'd be fine about it (they're not prudes when it comes to sex), because I've not really dated much before they might be worried about me getting hurt etc.

    What's the best thing to do - keep up the excuses or come clean? At the moment they don't suspect, but they probably will eventually if it carries on.
    Last year I was in a similar boat, being 19 with no dating experience and I told my parents but I basically had to when my mom found us sleeping together (as in dozing, not "sleeping") in the basement.
    BUT- my parents are quite strict and started to treat me like a 15 yo. Your parents sound very reasonable and stuff so I would go ahead and tell them.
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    (Original post by Ahava)
    Of course. I can see why your parents might worry about you being distracted, especially that you have had to take your A levels a bit later. At first they may worry about this, but actions speak louder than words. After a while they'll realise you really are just seeing him once a week and your education remains your top priority. You seem pretty determined so I'm sure you'll do well in your A levels and receive a place at a uni you want to go to.

    To save awkwardness and complications, maybe it's best to just drop it in. Explain that you don't want to make a big deal about it as it's not a serious relationship and won't develop into one either. I'm sure they won't start grilling you about your sex life either. They must know you are going to have sex at some point. I mean, I don't talk to my dad about sex. Ever. At all. No way. But I'm open about sex with my mum (had a few sexual complications and discussions about contraception). There isn't any need to be embarrassed because sometimes, surprisingly, your parents can actually give really good advice. They have been through it all themselves remember!
    Thanks guys - this seems solid advice. Think I'll wait till we've had a couple more dates and then tell them I think the main reason I'm a tad apprehensive is because telling them also entails basically saying I've been lying about my whereabouts for the last few weeks and I don't want them to think I'm someone who lives a totally clandestine lifestyle because in general I'm close to them and don't keep stuff secret, but I think my dating life is somewhat personal.

    About my A-Levels, I don't want him to distract me either, but I hope they know I'll do everything in my power to make sure he doesn't. I think spending Fridays or Saturdays together is acceptable because I only study a few hours on weekends. Only other thing I'm slightly apprehensive about is letting him know that I can't see him very often - I do like him, so I hope he accepts it, but we've not talked about it yet.
 
 
 
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