Scared about having a relationship and sex

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 5 years ago
#1
I'm scared about getting close with someone because I feel like I don't know what to do? I'm 20 years old and I've never had a serious relationship (which means I'm still a virgin) but I'm so nervous to get into one. Like I feel like I want a relationship but when a boy starts talking to me or a friend tries to set me up with someone I get so nervous and push them away because number 1; I have no self confidence and 2; I'm unexperienced and I'll have no idea what to do.


I've only had 1 relationship in my life and I was 16, he was definitely moving too fast for my liking and within 2 weeks of being in a relationship with him he was pressuring me into having sex and I really wasn't ready. That ended badly and sines then I have found no one and no one is interested in me.


I feel so stupid because I'm 20 and a virgin and have never had a proper relationship and now I'm 20 I feel like no one will want me because I've had no experience with a relationship.


My friends now trying to set me up with her friend because I need to experience a one night stand, but it's not me at all and she doesn't realise it. It's putting me of more because he's 26 (probably with plenty of experience) and I know he's had many of one night stands so I feel like I'd get judged?


I really don't know why I feel this was about relationships and sex, like I feel like I am ready when I think about it but when I talk to someone I'm really not.
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Lwin
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People go at different speeds. I've had zero relationships/kissing/anything vaguely sexual and I'm 18. Fairly content to stay that way. Just tell your friend to back off. You'll know when you're ready and no amount of meaningless awkward sex is going to make that any sooner.
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anonwinner
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(Original post by Lwin)
People go at different speeds. I've had zero relationships/kissing/anything vaguely sexual and I'm 18. Fairly content to stay that way. Just tell your friend to back off. You'll know when you're ready and no amount of meaningless awkward sex is going to make that any sooner.
Wow unlucky bro
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Anonymous #2
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Don't worry, believe me it will happen. I was 21 and in the same position, then in summer a guy from work showed that he liked me, but I was scared so did nothing! Then one of the girls set us up on a date and we dated for a while. It didn't work because he didn't want long distance and I moved away but we slept together and it was amazing, I'm glad I waited to be with someone that I really liked

Now I'm in the early stages with someone else, never would have imagined I'd meet anyone, if you had spoken to me last year!

It will happen!
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mangolegs
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I was exactly the same as you. Please don't force yourself to have a one night stand. It won't give you that experience and confidence your looking for. Don't force yourself to fit in with the crowd. I think you need to accept your feelings about sex and relationships rather than trying to resist them. You don't need to do anything or catch up with anyone. As for someone not wanting you because your not experienced. You don't want someone using you just for sex. You are so much more than just being there for sexual pleasure. Don't base your worth around men and sex. They are just men. Focus on yourself maybe get a hobby? Or go out with friends. I can can understand being emmbarrased. If anyone mocks you trust me theyd mock you if you had slept around too.
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CookieInOrange
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I'm 19 and was perfectly happy with my total lack of experience, but I did meet a guy who values me and makes me want a relationship. I don't think I could ever have enjoyed a relationship with someone I didn't like, and a one night stand would have made me feel horrible.
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Afghan_Tyson
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#7
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If you can't love yourself, don't love anyone else. You ain't ready, don't push it or force it. It'll all come with time
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Anonymous #3
#8
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Don't lose your virginity to someone that you don't love/care, once it gone, it gone. No forcing, no one is rushing you to lose your virginity, cheers. I'm 20 too and still a virgin, worry nothing about it.
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snailsareslimy
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Don't force yourself to lose it someone you don't at least like, you'll regret it. Any guy who is decent will take it at your speed. Don't ever let yourself feel pressured, and if someone is pressuring you, get out.

You are worth so much more. Don't be afraid to date, though, just make sure you don't go back to his and you can easily control the speed everything happens at
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SiminaM
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I'm 18 and never went further than making out(well, with some touching involved) and I feel fine. I don't imagine I'll have sex soon. Being a virgin is not something to be ashamed of.
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trustmeimlying1
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#11
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm scared about getting close with someone because I feel like I don't know what to do? I'm 20 years old and I've never had a serious relationship (which means I'm still a virgin) but I'm so nervous to get into one. Like I feel like I want a relationship but when a boy starts talking to me or a friend tries to set me up with someone I get so nervous and push them away because number 1; I have no self confidence and 2; I'm unexperienced and I'll have no idea what to do.


I've only had 1 relationship in my life and I was 16, he was definitely moving too fast for my liking and within 2 weeks of being in a relationship with him he was pressuring me into having sex and I really wasn't ready. That ended badly and sines then I have found no one and no one is interested in me.


I feel so stupid because I'm 20 and a virgin and have never had a proper relationship and now I'm 20 I feel like no one will want me because I've had no experience with a relationship.


My friends now trying to set me up with her friend because I need to experience a one night stand, but it's not me at all and she doesn't realise it. It's putting me of more because he's 26 (probably with plenty of experience) and I know he's had many of one night stands so I feel like I'd get judged?


I really don't know why I feel this was about relationships and sex, like I feel like I am ready when I think about it but when I talk to someone I'm really not.
chill deep breaths

the girl is often younger so the lad understands you probably dont have much experience...he might even prefer it that way

when yeh have to worry is when youre the lad with little experience but even then the only way to improve is to give it a try.see it as a journey rather than a destination

but yeh I get how yeh feel.feel free to pm me if yeh want a wee chat
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EmmzAyr
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You can have a fantastic relationship without resorting to having sex.

Me & my Bf are quite happy with that set-up & we have been together for 10 months now.

My friends think it's strange, but, we are happy for now!
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Gee :)
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Hey I feel the exact same, I have been talking to this guy for nearly 3 years and I am terrified to do anything with him, he's really sweet and he's very into me, but I don't know if i feel the same. I don't find him that attractive but he has a good personality. Any advice on what I should I do ???
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EmmzAyr
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(Original post by Gee :))
Hey I feel the exact same, I have been talking to this guy for nearly 3 years and I am terrified to do anything with him, he's really sweet and he's very into me, but I don't know if i feel the same. I don't find him that attractive but he has a good personality. Any advice on what I should I do ???
If it hasn't gone anywhere in 3 years, it is unlikely to! - Stay as friends though!
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Gee :)
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(Original post by EmmzAyr)
If it hasn't gone anywhere in 3 years, it is unlikely to! - Stay as friends though!
Yeah, that's what I've been thinking, my friends say that I'm mad for not doing anything but they don't understand :P


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catsis
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#16
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm scared about getting close with someone because I feel like I don't know what to do? I'm 20 years old and I've never had a serious relationship (which means I'm still a virgin) but I'm so nervous to get into one. Like I feel like I want a relationship but when a boy starts talking to me or a friend tries to set me up with someone I get so nervous and push them away because number 1; I have no self confidence and 2; I'm unexperienced and I'll have no idea what to do.


I've only had 1 relationship in my life and I was 16, he was definitely moving too fast for my liking and within 2 weeks of being in a relationship with him he was pressuring me into having sex and I really wasn't ready. That ended badly and sines then I have found no one and no one is interested in me.


I feel so stupid because I'm 20 and a virgin and have never had a proper relationship and now I'm 20 I feel like no one will want me because I've had no experience with a relationship.


My friends now trying to set me up with her friend because I need to experience a one night stand, but it's not me at all and she doesn't realise it. It's putting me of more because he's 26 (probably with plenty of experience) and I know he's had many of one night stands so I feel like I'd get judged?


I really don't know why I feel this was about relationships and sex, like I feel like I am ready when I think about it but when I talk to someone I'm really not.
Don't worry about guys not wanting you, that is usually not the case for those who want a relationship. Guys who just want to sleep around (ie one night stands or **** buddies) will ditch you but serious guys will stay. 23 year old virgin here so I totally get it. I'm a virgin by choice now but that wasn't always the case and I did worry about that in my 20s. I say move at your own speed, like someone already suggested. Just be yourself and if it feels right, then do it. If it doesn't, there's no harm in not doing it.

If I had a penny for the people who told me they regret losing it, I would most certainly be able to at least afford a Happy Meal.
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