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    Memories will intrude on my mind for usually days, but sometimes weeks months or even years. It's accompanied by just a horrible feeling. It's just the worst feeling. I can't really describe it emotionally except that it could be some kind of highly concentrated shame. I brace myself physically and take a sharp intake of breath and then when it comes, it's like I'm in physical pain but I don't feel it anywhere in my body or anything. I grimace and swear out loud like I've got tourette's. It takes the wind out of me. When I was at my worst I'd punch myself in the head a lot. None of this happens in front of people, but only when I'm at home.

    They usually come from social situations. So if anything happens which I see as a big mistake, it pops into my head over and over. I spoke to my therapist and she said it was rumination. The thing is, I want to forget what's happened. I'm not dwelling on it, which is my idea of rumination. I spoke to my GP about this and he just blanked me and said I should take an aspergers test.

    I'm not so bothered because I'm getting better being treated along the lines of social anxiety. But are these flashbacks? I've got all the other symptoms of PTSD. Restlessness. Hyprervigilance. I'm also spaced out all the time. I can't seem to take the slightest pang of anxiety or stress without falling into a daydream. It's like I've got ADHD. I'll be getting a new therapist soon, who'll be a higher level worker. Should I ask about PTSD?
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