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I've completely ****ed my life up, what is the next step?? watch

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    I'm posting this because i need some honest opinions. Im 23 and failed my degree due to anxiety now im back living at home with my mum. I have a job that i work 5 days a week and it earns me money. I tried hard to join societies, make friends and throw myself into the whole university life experience but i didn't achieve much.

    I'd planned on going back to uni but i'd have to pay £18k fees for 2 years to complete my degree and i don't think this is worth it, so i don't know how i'll be able to earn a decent living and have kids with my wife./partner.

    I hate my codependent relationship with my mum. We pray everyday before going to bed and also in the morning and every time we go out. It really does my ****ing head in; it's almost like we're lovers ugh! Don't get me wrong i love her and she's my mum but i really don't like the relationship dynamic.

    I almost feel like there's an inviible barrier stopping me from being close to real women and whenever i have needs or desires then i feel immense guilt for having them. I recently got myself an expensive gift that i wanted for 7 years and it took a LOT of willpower from returning it to the shop for a refund
    I hate how i can't form relationships with people my age especially women. My coworkers tease me and say that i'm gay because i don't really flirt with girls. When i try and talk to girls at work, they're either disinterested or walk away quickly.
    I'm sure i reek of insecurity and everyone can just see it. My younger sister has pretty much grown up and lives in London. She does lots of cool **** with all her friends all the time.
    Anyway enough ranting, how can i go forward in life? Am i eligible to apply for any programs or any good jobs that will enable me to stand ion my own 2 feet and move away from home?? I wanna get my **** together and live life.
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    There seem to be several different issues here.

    Firstly, are you sure you don't want to go back to uni? Could a better job prospect be worth £18k? By the way, what were you studying?

    Secondly, if you're keeping your job, is it possible to move out and live on your own, to get some space from your mother?

    And finally, regarding relationships, you need to figure out what this blank space between you and potential partners is, and how to tackle it. Often difficulty in relationships stems from issues within yourself, and as you say, you feel you have many. Maybe you need to feel worthy and independent before you can give yourself in a relationship, and maybe the blank space is just you seeing yourself from the outside and not being happy with yourself (regardless of how others actually see you).
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    My thoughts are this. So university didn't work out for you but you can think of the positive things you achieved there. When you apply for jobs, emphasise that too. Just say you gave it a shot but you decided it wasn't for you. There's no need to say you failed etc. It's not a failure anyway. It's just a blip. We all get them.

    You seem to miss some of the independence you had at university by not living at home. You want to earn to get your own place or perhaps go to university if that's what you decide to do. Do what feels best for you. Don't let others influence you. Focus on one goal at a time.

    You'll feel more confident with the opposite sex when you have yourself more together. I wouldn't say forget flirting altogether but I would be working on myself and my career more if I were you. Relationships happen when they happen you know...It's better to take them on when you feel more secure in yourself. If you're insecure, you'll attract the wrong people.

    So I think the crux of this is that you're uncertain of your future. You're 23. You don't need to worry about marriage and kids right now or even your eventual career. Don't get ahead of yourself. But learn to live with some degree of uncertainty because you don't know what's going to happen in life. Just don't be a passenger. Make choices that are going to help you get further towards the kind of life you want to have.

    Your sole focus should be on getting your career/educational aspirations back on track. Then consider other things...
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    (Original post by Flying Cookie)
    There seem to be several different issues here.

    Firstly, are you sure you don't want to go back to uni? Could a better job prospect be worth £18k? By the way, what were you studying?

    Secondly, if you're keeping your job, is it possible to move out and live on your own, to get some space from your mother?

    And finally, regarding relationships, you need to figure out what this blank space between you and potential partners is, and how to tackle it. Often difficulty in relationships stems from issues within yourself, and as you say, you feel you have many. Maybe you need to feel worthy and independent before you can give yourself in a relationship, and maybe the blank space is just you seeing yourself from the outside and not being happy with yourself (regardless of how others actually see you).
    Yeah I wanna go back. I've got slight OCD and it would haunt me if i died without finishing what i started. Plus i wanna prove to myself and other people that i'm good enough to earn one, unlike other mugs who just breeze through life without a care in the world.I'm really ashamed that i do not have a degree as i'd get looked down upon by my family It's expensive though but i'm a nerd deep down inside.


    I can't afford to move out. I'm working to save up the £9k needed for fees.



    What does the bit in bold mean? I don't understand about seeing myself from the outside and how other people see me. Yeah i think i need to feel worthy before i can get close to anybody. Sometimes i'll go hungry and not spend money on food because i see it as being too expensive. Anyway i dunno how to figure out the blank space or what that even means.
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    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by Lucia.)
    My thoughts are this. So university didn't work out for you but you can think of the positive things you achieved there. When you apply for jobs, emphasise that too. Just say you gave it a shot but you decided it wasn't for you. There's no need to say you failed etc. It's not a failure anyway. It's just a blip. We all get them.

    You seem to miss some of the independence you had at university by not living at home. You want to earn to get your own place or perhaps go to university if that's what you decide to do. Do what feels best for you. Don't let others influence you. Focus on one goal at a time.

    You'll feel more confident with the opposite sex when you have yourself more together. I wouldn't say forget flirting altogether but I would be working on myself and my career more if I were you. Relationships happen when they happen you know...It's better to take them on when you feel more secure in yourself. If you're insecure, you'll attract the wrong people.

    So I think the crux of this is that you're uncertain of your future. You're 23. You don't need to worry about marriage and kids right now or even your eventual career. Don't get ahead of yourself. But learn to live with some degree of uncertainty because you don't know what's going to happen in life. Just don't be a passenger. Make choices that are going to help you get further towards the kind of life you want to have.

    Your sole focus should be on getting your career/educational aspirations back on track. Then consider other things...
    Yeah i miss the independence of university being able to do what i want. I can still do that at home, but it's not as easy and living with my mum is a little embarrassing esp after not completing my education. It's like being a child all over again.

    Yeah the uncertainty isn't very comforting but i'm far from being a passenger. I just wonder what my life would be like if i had completed my degree. There are lots of good, decent paying jobs that i can't apply for as i lack the degree qualification.

    Right now i'm thinking of going back to complete what i started.
 
 
 
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