Conversation between boyfriend and his girl mate

A while back my boyfriend had a conversation with a girl that really bothered me. He told me at the time he was going to block this girl (a good friend of his) because of a conversation they had. I asked what was said and he told me she was reminiscing about things they used to talk about when they first started talking and was being emotional (they met through a dating site a few years ago). I asked to see this conversation but he wouldn't show me as he didn't want me to see what she had said to him and he didn't say anything bad to her. He told me he didn't know how she felt and was confused about why she was saying this so he let the conversation carry on.

I was angry at the girl so I sent her a bit of a rude message (as I believed she was being out of order). Anyway she replied with screenshots of their conversation where he had told her he didn't want her or think about her sexually but he doesn't like the thought of her with anyone else and that she was good looking. Her replies were quite cold in response to him. She told me she had no interest in him whatsoever and that he loves me and has only ever said she was good looking but that's it and they are only friends with no dodgy messages or anything. I spoke about the 'not wanting her to be with anyone else thing' and she said she doesnt understand it but thinks he is just insecure as he knows she doesnt find him attractive.

I confronted him about this and he tells me he didn't mean what he said to her, he said it in the moment to make her feel better as she was being emotional.and said it in the moment to be nice. He has reassured me many times he doesn't have feelings for her and even swore this on his life. He said he just told her what he thought she wanted to hear and tells he she wants him to be interested in her.

He told me he regrets what he said and shouldn't have said it but doesn't think it was that bad as he didn't mean what he said to her. Also has tried to reassure me he wouldn't be with me if he had feelings for anyone else and that he loves me. He told me he would block her even though she' a friend as he can't blame me for not wanting them to talk any more.

Anyway even though this was a while ago it still bothers me a lot. Am I just overreacting to worry a lot about this? I can't make up my mind on what to think. I am feeling insecure but I am insecure anyway..

(edited 9 years ago)

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Reply 1

thewhitelines

Everyone has a phase. This might be his. I'd say let the past stay where it's supposed to be than ruining your present relationship.

Reply 2

blondyx

Original post by thewhitelines

Everyone has a phase. This might be his. I'd say let the past stay where it's supposed to be than ruining your present relationship.

What sort of phase?
So you think I am over worrying?

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Reply 3

thewhitelines

Original post by blondyx

What sort of phase?
So you think I am over worrying?

Posted from TSR Mobile

Phase of getting attracted to someone for a short duration - 'Infatuation' probably.
If he's trying to keep you after all that and not messaging her, it's probably he wants YOU not her.
And if this was a while ago, I think you are over worrying and maybe let it go.

If he does message her in the future, that's the time you need to leave him.

Reply 4

KingStannis

Erm, I don't see anything wrong with the scenario? It seems he doesn't want her, he wants you, you want him, she doesn't want him.

what's the issue?

Reply 5

glycerin

He looks flakey to me. It should send red lights if he doesn't want her with anyone else.

If there was nothing to it, the only reason he would actually bring it up would be to make you feel insecure. Assuming the girl was quite consistent in cold replies yet needs to block her and tell you so believing her to have feelings for him or maybe he meant just the negative ones towards him that he's insecure about, then i wouldn't consider him quite a catch.....pathetic thing to try using that example out of so many others that could be more blockworthy.

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 6

HarryDn

Original post by glycerin

He looks flakey to me. It should send red lights if he doesn't want her with anyone else.

this

Reply 7

User1214833

He was honest enough to tell you about the conversation. You seem incredibly insecure and a bit of a nightmare girlfriend tbh.

Reply 8

blondyx

Original post by qwertyking

He was honest enough to tell you about the conversation. You seem incredibly insecure and a bit of a nightmare girlfriend tbh.

Well yeah he told me about the conversation but not about the bit where he said he didnt want her to be with anyone else...

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Reply 9

User1214833

Original post by blondyx

Thats why im frustrated.. he tells me he just said it to.make her feel better as she waa being emotional and said it in the moment without thinking. Swears he doesn't have feelings for her. But.. seems dodgy and I don't know what to do..

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2 accounts?

Reply 10

HarryDn

Original post by blondyx

Well yeah he told me about the conversation but not about the bit where he said he didnt want her to be with anyone else...

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Exactly

Reply 11

User1214833

Original post by blondyx

Well yeah he told me about the conversation but not about the bit where he said he didnt want her to be with anyone else...

Posted from TSR Mobile

A lot of people have conflicting feelings about their exes. The exact details of their conversation was none of your business and contacting her was out of order.

Reply 12

glycerin

Original post by blondyx

If he can say he'll say things to make her feel better, how many times would he try that on with another girl, including yourself? On the contrary of being kind, it's in reality an extremely degrading and condescending gesture, not to mention insincere. I'm not surprised that girl went cold in her replies. It's understandably no flaw of yours that triggers this side of him, don't be worried and get insecure, I think he has his own ego issues that needs dealing with. I hope you figure out what's best for you alone for now.

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 13

kristen101

Original post by glycerin

If he can say he'll say things to make her feel better, how many times would he try that on with another girl, including yourself? It's understandably no flaw of yours that triggers this side of him, don't be worried and get insecure, I think he has his own ego issues that needs dealing with. I hope you figure out what's best for you alone for now.

It is hard because I love him and want to believe it was a one off. It annoys me the contradiction in his message about not wanting her but.. bla bla.
What would you do in my situation?

Reply 14

glycerin

Original post by kristen101

It is hard because I love him and want to believe it was a one off. It annoys me the contradiction in his message about not wanting her but.. bla bla.
What would you do in my situation?

I would do nothing until i decide on how i feel again. But to be fair to my initial sentiments, give the relationship as many shots to make it work and see what to do in making him happy so that i may also derive happiness (pretty selfish) and regain security in the process.

But if anything like that reoccurs, i would bail and not want an explanation from any party. That is just me though.

Reply 15

scotttb

Original post by kristen101

A while back my boyfriend had a conversation with a girl that really bothered me. He told me at the time he was going to block this girl (a good friend of his) because of a conversation they had. I asked what was said and he told me she was reminiscing about things they used to talk about when they first started talking and was being emotional (they met through a dating site a few years ago). I asked to see this conversation but he wouldn't show me as he didn't want me to see what she had said to him and he didn't say anything bad to her. He told me he didn't know how she felt and was confused about why she was saying this so he let the conversation carry on.

I was angry at the girl so I sent her a bit of a rude message (as I believed she was being out of order). Anyway she replied with screenshots of their conversation where he had told her he didn't want her or think about her sexually but he doesn't like the thought of her with anyone else and that she was good looking. Her replies were quite cold in response to him. She told me she had no interest in him whatsoever and that he loves me and has only ever said she was good looking but that's it and they are only friends with no dodgy messages or anything.

I confronted him about this and he tells me he didn't mean what he said to her, he said it it the moment to make her feel better as she was being emotional.and said it in the moment to be nice. He has reassured me many times he doesn't have feelings for her and even swore this on his life.

He told me he regrets what he said and shouldn't have said it but doesn't think it was that bad as he didn't mean what he said to her. Also has tried to reassure me he wouldn't be with me if he had feelings for anyone else and that he loves me. He told me he would block her even though she' a friend as he can't blame me for not wanting them to talk any more.

Anyway even though this was a while ago it still bothers me a lot. Am I just overreacting to worry a lot about this? I can't make up my mind on what to think. I am feeling insecure but I am insecure anyway..

Step 1: Don't abuse people over conversations that you aren't sure have even happened

Reply 16

kristen101

Original post by qwertyking

A lot of people have conflicting feelings about their exes. The exact details of their conversation was none of your business and contacting her was out of order.