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She was out partying until 6am on the day we were meant to have our date...thoughts? watch

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    So this girl I'm dating knew that we had a date 1 week in advance. Our schedules are both pretty busy so Tuesday was the perfect day for us to meet. This would be our 2nd date. It was going to be a really basic date like the cinema, I got some lush sweets and chocolate the day before, and I even bought her pink & blue orchids to give her at the end of the date. I also had to cancel volunteering arrangements (wouldn't do it again) to make time for the date.

    ANYWAY ... I had been increasingly looking forward to the date. We text every day, and nothing has ever come up that appears to have been a 'red flag' for me in terms of the type of girl she is. She's a smart girl, good looking, she seems my type.

    The night before our date she mentioned she was going out because it was one of her friend's birthdays. It's quite a normal thing to hear because she is a social person. She mentioned she was feeling ill but wanted to go out anyway. I was fine with it until the next day when we were texting, and she mentioned that she and her friend got a lift home with some random guys. She said she regretted it and realized how stupid and dangerous it was, but I see that as a character flaw, in the fact that she took the risk at all. It's such a retarded thing to do. Luckily she was safe.

    She then mentioned that she was still feeling ill, so I suggested that we could re-schedule the date to another day. She said that we may have to, and sorry for messing me around. I made it sound like I was ok with it, but not exactly pleased...

    BUT do you know what? I'm pissed off.

    - How did she manage to go out with her mates when she was ill, but not do the same for me?

    - Why did she stay out until 6am on a day that she knew we had arranged to meet?

    - Anyone who cared would maybe get an early night and not want to smell of alcohol.

    - Why would she take the risk of getting a lift from strangers, especially because it was her and her friend and no guys to look after them if it went tits up?

    Am I over-reacting here?
    Thoughts please!
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    Jesus christ it's the second date and you're getting angry at her already. For god sakes it was her friend's birthday, she probably thought she could sleep it off through the day and meet you in the evening. Alcohol impairs people's inhibitions and their logic goes down, that's probably why she accepted a lift from the guys. And guess what we women can;t always have a man we trust following us wherever we go, to protect us so some guy we've only been on one date with us doesn't get angry.

    Yes you are overreacting, and if I was her and knew you were making such a big deal out of sod all I would stop seeing you immediately, You sound controlling and entitled.
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    She just ain't feeling you
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    (Original post by queen-bee)
    She just ain't feeling you
    This.
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    (Original post by SophieSmall)
    Jesus christ it's the second date and you're getting angry at her already. For god sakes it was her friend's birthday, she probably thought she could sleep it off through the day and meet you in the evening. Alcohol impairs people's inhibitions and their logic goes down, that's probably why she accepted a lift from the guys. And guess what we women can;t always have a man we trust following us wherever we go.
    Reading the bit I quoted put things in perspective for me, so thanks for that (even if you were being brutal about it ) ... I cropped out the bits that were just downright pre-judging me. You don't know me as a person so please do not attempt to tell me I am "controlling" or "entitled". In many cases I am far too nice and understanding.

    Thanks for taking your time to post.
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    I hope she doesn't go out with you, you sound like a controlling type.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Reading the bit I quoted put things in perspective for me, so thanks for that (even if you were being brutal about it ) ... I cropped out the bits that were just downright pre-judging me. You don't know me as a person so please do not attempt to tell me I am "controlling" or "entitled". In many cases I am far too nice and understanding.

    Thanks for taking your time to post.

    Sorry I can be pretty brutal at times.

    Also I did not say you are controlling or entitled, I said you sound it. Which to me personally is a red flag as I have been in a relationship with a controlling man, and he would always get angry at me for stuff despite him having no right to, and the way you worded some of your stuff you sounded just like him in parts.
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    (Original post by bittr n swt)
    I hope she doesn't go out with you, you sound like a controlling type.
    The amazing British public pre-judging as always.
    Please see above reply.
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    (Original post by SophieSmall)
    Sorry I can be pretty brutal at times.

    Also I did not say you are controlling or entitled, I said you sound it. Which to me personally is a red flag as I have been in a relationship with a controlling man, and he would always get angry at me for stuff despite him having no right to, and the way you worded some of your stuff you sounded just like him in parts.
    I understand that. Thanks so much for your help!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I understand that. Thanks so much for your help!
    No problem.
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    agree with her ^

    op if you aint feelin it no reason to continue
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    I do see why you're annoyed that you weren't able to go on the date, and understand that her accepting a lift from strangers undermined your impression of her as a sensible girl, so I get where you're coming from.

    However, it was her friend's birthday; she may have intended to only stay out long enough to make her friend happy and be fresh for you, but got carried away/persuaded by her friends to stay.

    How do you know she was out till 6am? Did she explicitly say so or was that just when she texted?

    I wouldn't take it as an indication of her feelings for you, though if anything it probably means she does like you as she agreed to the date even though she must have known her friend's birthday was coming up, but still wanted to be able to see you the next day despite a potential hangover.

    As for her perceivably making more effort for her friends than you while ill - well, duh. They've been around a lot longer and done much more for her than you have. You can't expect a girl to prioritise you over her friends, especially so early on.

    See her again at a more convenient time and go from there.

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    (Original post by Musie Suzie)
    I do see why you're annoyed that you weren't able to go on the date, and understand that her accepting a lift from strangers undermined your impression of her as a sensible girl, so I get where you're coming from.

    However, it was her friend's birthday; she may have intended to only stay out long enough to make her friend happy and be fresh for you, but got carried away/persuaded by her friends to stay.

    How do you know she was out till 6am? Did she explicitly say so or was that just when she texted?

    I wouldn't take it as an indication of her feelings for you, though if anything it probably means she does like you as she agreed to the date even though she must have known her friend's birthday was coming up, but still wanted to be able to see you the next day despite a potential hangover.

    As for her perceivably making more effort for her friends than you while ill - well, duh. They've been around a lot longer and done much more for her than you have. You can't expect a girl to prioritise you over her friends, especially so early on.

    See her again at a more convenient time and go from there.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Another amazing reply, thank you sooooo much.
    You two gals have helped me put things into perspective.
    I'm such a chill guy normally, this is out of character for me srsly.
    Hearing things from a third party makes it much easier to make sense of.

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    You must really like her anyway it's not the end of the world at the end of the day. You just have to meet up another time.
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    (Original post by phunky_fresh)
    You must really like her
    Yes I really do haha.
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    You're definitely not over-reacting! All your observations are right on. OP, she seems like an irresponsible person (and this is usually a character flaw as opposed to a one-time mistake). I don't advise you to pretend that it's ok because this sort of behaviour might be repeated. It's like you're telling her that it's ok for her to treat you (and herself) that way when it's not. And if you don't feel appreciated, then I suggest you leave early on.
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    Believe me, it's not going to happen.

    Basically, she's a normal girl and you're really anal. That's a pretty bad combo.

    You're clearly really into her, but her priorities are elsewhere.

    Happened to me once. I was really into a girl and taking her out, travelling cross-town to see her -and all she wanted to do was get high. Not really anyone's fault - it's just the wrong people together.
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    (Original post by Clip)
    Believe me, it's not going to happen.

    Basically, she's a normal girl and you're really anal. That's a pretty bad combo.

    You're clearly really into her, but her priorities are elsewhere.

    Happened to me once. I was really into a girl and taking her out, travelling cross-town to see her -and all she wanted to do was get high. Not really anyone's fault - it's just the wrong people together.
    Unequivocally this.
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    I like that you got sweets, flowers and chocolates. That strikes me as kind and thoughtful - two lovely qualities. Please always keep those qualities, regardless of what happens between you and this particular gal. And it's nice that you were looking forward to the date, and that you cared about her safety. :-)
    So even if things don't take off between you two, there's good reason to know you're a decent dude.
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    Ease up mate, you want to be her bf, not her Dad..
 
 
 
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