Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
x Turn on thread page Beta

under age drinking watch

Announcements
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    eenage drinking has become the centre of the social issues among young people in England. Although three quarters of secondary pupils drink on a regular basis, the problem is that they are not aware of how dangerous alcohol can actually be. The reality is that alcohol is often that causes many problems. Alcohol ruins many young people’s lives, and is now one of the largest serious problems young people will face. Drink driving is one of the largest problems linked with teenage drinking. Alcohol dulls parts of the brain that are crucial to decision making, it decreases the ability to concentrate, and slows the reaction time behind the wheel. Drink drivers are treacherous on the road and can easily injure themselves or someone innocent. Another problem with underage drinking is the fact that they loose control on their actions. Alcohol often results in teens having risky sexual behaviour. Alcohol abuse is extremely harmful to ones body, especially to teenagers. It affects almost every organ system. Unfortunately, drinkers often do not think about what kind of effect alcohol will have on them when they get older. Teenagers that abuse alcohol often develop problems with their liver, heart, stomach and kidney. Would you drink if you knew the consequences?
    Drinking can make teenagers feel great, but that only lasts a short period of time. Teenagers get drunk on a regular basis. Alcohol clouds your brain and hinders your ability to make decisions. Too much drinking literally makes you brain shrink and causes serious damage. Drinking can cause learning disability and damage your memory. Also alcohol can give you more energy, but alcohol isn't an energy drink; it’s a depressant. In secondary school, friends. start pressuring us to drink. Secondary school students see alcohol as glamorous and a way to become popular Once you drink a couple of times you get addicted and drinking can cause cancer and could even lead to death.
    Some people believe we should have the right to do whatever we want. Some believe that people under the age of 17 are not responsible enough to handle the effects alcohol has on your body. The one thing that both sides agree on is that people will drink alcohol no matter what the law is because they can get alcohol very easy. They can go through their parent’s cabinets to find alcohol. Also they can ask older friends or brothers or sisters to purchase it for them and there are unscrupulous stores that sell alcohol to under aged teenagers.
    When young people drink and get into a car, they also tend to make poor decisions that bear on their safety. For example young people who have been drinking are less likely to wear safety belt. In alcohol related traffic there where tree times more deaths among young people who where not wearing them. To summaries alcohol-related crashes involving under aged drinkers are more likely in death ore serious injury that involving others drive. More than 190,000 people under the age of 21 visited an emergency room for alcohol related injuries in 2008 alone. This is more than likely to increase in the upcoming years. Drink driving may be devastating to not only the people in the car but the innocent people who they caused catastrophic damage to. The effects are traumatic, torture, misery and agony to the innocent family members.
    In conclusion , we can all see that underage drinking is never a good thing and should be avoided as much as possible. Underage drinking causes car wrecks, heartbreaks and is not simply worth screwing up your life over it. you need to warn others that underage drinking is not a good thing and could lead into situations. Imagine if you were walking down the street and you see young teens laying on the floor yelling out swear words. How would you feel when walking down that street ? would you think twice walking down that street or would you turn back incase you get attacked. just think that would you let you son or daughter drink when they are out with their friends? how would it make you feel seeing your child in a life threatening position?
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    sorry i forgot to say that this is my essay and i have to hand it in by the end of this week please can anyone see if it is any good or anything to improve
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    It seems good

    I'd say there might be one or two problems, and I'd advise that you look over your punctuation, particularly in regards to your use of commas: in some places, you ought to have semi-colons or colons instead, and vice versa. Look in the online Oxford Dictionary, perhaps

    In some places, your essay also drifts slightly onto informality: "screwing up your life over it", "you get addicted", etc., and whilst I don't know what the essay brief was, it might be worth considering substituting some of these phrases for more formal alternatives, that is, assuming that you are expected to adopt a formal tone.

    The opening sentence is, as you probably know, of utmost importance, and you start with a very clear, concise and effective short sentence, which is optimum. However, the phrasing of it could perhaps be made less complex: when you talk about "
    the centre of the social issues", maybe the article shouldn't be there before "social issues", and I wonder whether teenage drinking really is the centre of social issues: is drinking behind every social issue? It's just a personal thought, though

    Hope this helped
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    You might be able to add more weight to your argument by adding more reputable facts and figure, and offer the source behind them. E.g. According to a 2014 study by ONS, blah blah some kind of pattern blah blah. Also I agree with the other posters, your essay tone is quite informal. Otherwise, it's pretty informative.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    I think you've not credited or equally acknowledged the argument for under age drinking which would then (lead to you discrediting them), doing this is a key point in writing to argue tasks for gcse.
 
 
 
Poll
Do you like carrot cake?
Useful resources

Study tools

Rosette

Essay expert

Learn to write like a pro with our ultimate essay guide.

Thinking about uni already?

Thinking about uni already?

See where you can apply with our uni match tool

Student chat

Ask a question

Chat to other GCSE students and get your study questions answered.

Creating

Make study resources

Create all the resources you need to get the grades.

Planner

Create your own Study Plan

Organise all your homework and exams so you never miss another deadline.

Resources by subject

From flashcards to mind maps; there's everything you need for all of your GCSE subjects.

Papers

Find past papers

100s of GCSE past papers for all your subjects at your fingertips.

Help out other students

Can you help? Study help unanswered threads

Groups associated with this forum:

View associated groups

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.