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    basically I have no friends, no confidence, no girlfriend, and no idea what i am doing here on earth

    I am 1st year in Uni, 18, Male
    I moved away from my home to go to uni, far away, need a flight to get back. I had a few friends, but the only things we had in common really was a massive interest in football, FIFA etc. I found them quite annoying otherwise, and spent little time with them aside from football.
    My school life socially was pretty quiet, i spent a lot of time at, particularly at weekends, Like all families can get annoying, and i have a short temper, but i don't mind being there. I rarely went out for the high school years. I would try to find excuses as to why i didn’t, such as i was going to become super fit (which I'm not) but i couldn't find any. I would talk to lots of people at school, but barely any out of it.

    Sport is probably the largest part of my life, but i am so bad at it. i’ve tried many but i’m below average - poor at all of them. I played rugby for 10ish years but this became a nightmare. I never got the confidence to quit as my dad helped out at training and i could tell he liked it, but also it was the only thing i really did at the weekends or during the week. But i was never played and felt emotionally abused. I would play probably 20 mins/ season. I would travel to games, but be the only one not to get a game, i would be brought on them off. None of the other players liked me. I was shy and bad at rugby. I had to spend years standing on cold sidelines, listening to names being called out (not mine), listening to team talks for games i wouldn't play in, miss out on everything that happened on the pitch, and mostly off it too. I hated it, and hate it even more now I'm out of it. I occasionally play a few other sports, on a small scale, but i fail to commit to any of them, i find it impossible to put in the effort. I have few other hobbies, i spend, lots of time on the internet, youtube , but wish i didn't have to.

    Im not narcissistic but. i’m really nice, and can get really excited and hyper if you talk to me for more than 10 minutes. I like to talk to anyone, i like most people. acquaintances have told me im very thoughtful, kind, funny (really funny apparently), and one of the most liked people in my year. as in by everyone, not most admired. I won the best smile in the year book which was a massive surprise but also a boost to my confidence. But this isn't really any substance, people, girls don’t find me interesting enough (yes i have very low self esteem).

    And on school trips when i could open up to people, they said how great i was to be around, and how they never knew i was this funny but when we went home it was like it never happened. Also i know so few people. only really people in my school and vaguely people from rugby

    girls
    i have had a few interactions with girls. i talk to few girls, but really like the ones i do talk to. i would say i’ve been particularly close to 3 or 4 girls, in high school. One was early on, someone i liked for her looks, and on a school trip we went on, i asked her out on Facebook, she said no. One was a girl who i really liked talking to on the way home from school, i could make her laugh, she said she wanted to go out with me, through a guy i knew. I was scared, of what my parent might do, (they often teased me about girls, so i became very insecure about discussing them), id never had anything like this. I said i had to focus on my exams, its probably the stupidest and most regrettable single thing i’ve done. I really hate myself for doing it. I promised myself i would ask her out next year, but she moved away. Then there was a girl who's crazy, and asked me out after i talked to her for like 5 minutes. I had to block her on Facebook, it got weird. Finally and most recently theres this girl who i’ve been friends with for years and she's basically like the perfect girl, many other guys in the school say they'd happily marry her. She's funny, and politically aware (did i mention i like politics) and quirky, and so cool. Oh and obviously, added bonus, she's bloody good looking. I always got this idea she liked me, not like like but liked more than most girls like me. But she's been in a relationship with the same guy pretty much since i met her. Ive never asked about him, or me and her. it’s basically impossible, as she now lives back home. And yep, never been kissed either.
    When school ended i knew id miss it because that was all the people i knew just gone, and that easy setup of talking to people gone. I became quite sad over the summer, i wasn’t sure of anything in life anymore. Suicide came into my head, not as a solution but just as a thought. I knew i probably wouldn't do it, but i thought about it, and i still do occasionally. Theres this bridge i cross everyday and i wonder if i could throw myself off, but i cant imagine how much it would hurt my family.

    So now we come to Uni, eventually. I knew no one. I sort of missed the first week, and they don't really do many freshers events, people just go out with their school friends. I met basically no one. Ive said hi to a few people in lectures and tutorials but only for a few minutes. And that has continued to today. I joined a few clubs but there mostly 2nd 3rd and 4th years, cliquey etc. the sports teams are so competitive and i’m not fit or committed enough to keep playing them. So I've fallen into not leaving the house. I don't enjoy going out, but i think its mainly because i don't know anyone here to go out with. Ive been out a few times and just come back alone and really sad, and **** up my schedule and miss lectures. So i spend my days inside, on the computer, TV, eating. I cant really motivate myself to study or read which is what i should do, but i just need to pass this year and next year. All the girls here seem very superficial and fake and all the same, i don't know who they're trying to impress but it doesn't work, even though I've probably talk to one or two. And all the lads seem very laddish, drunk and samey also. But Im not hugely missing home as theres nothing really to do there, yet i get very sad after coming back to uni after being home, as i get really happy.

    I’ve not really talked about study etc but basically my course is ok, its something that i sort of enjoy, and hate a lot less than most other subjects. I feel its better than any other alternative i have, because, at the moment, i’ve no idea really what i want to be. I can give more details if you think its necessary.

    So how do i make friends and enjoy life again?! (simple i know) I find it hard to speak to anyone, and keeping contact even harder. How do i get a girlfriend or love, because everyone keeps saying its the most important thing. Also i know i want to have kids. At the moment i’m just going through the motions, very lonely, crying very often, i’m not really living my life, i regret a lot. i don’t want to regret anymore. What should i do? i don't want to die alone!
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    Hey, see if your uni has a Nightline service you can call up. They won't tell you what to do but they will help you sort through things a bit. To me, it sounds like you need a different perspective and a more positive outlook. Nothing that you've written sounds unusual, so don't worry about the long term. Focus on what you can do to improve your quality of life now rather than focusing on things you can't control. You should meet friends you like and a girl you're compatible with if you yourself are happy. 'Love' isn't the most important thing until you have it, imo.

    Find something to be enthusiastic about. Try lots of new things, talk to people you wouldn't normally talk to, and ditch anything you hate. There should be non-sports clubs that aren't too cliquey? Older students aren't so bad if they figure out that you're not going away. I started up learning to code, and then Russian, then 3D animation just because I could and I wanted to try it. Read around your subject to find something about it that really interests you, and then follow that up. Go to free events a lot. Help out with charity events. Even just do what you normally do more actively. Give yourself little goals rather than big ones.

    Not everyone is bad, not all guys are lads, not all girls are fake. Please don't kill yourself, it's not all that bad and there are people to help you.
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    Hey! Honestly it's not too unusual what you're going through and reading through it, you've clearly been liked in the past and had the confidence to ask someone out, so that will happen again, no doubt about it! Maybe when you talk to people, make the first steps about asking if they want to do something, like go to cinema, etc. and take things from there. You seem genuine and you don't want to just go along with the crowd with the laddish behaviour and what not, which I think is a positive trait. You also say you're described as really funny and a nice guy, remember these things when you talk to people and wait patiently for things like love, you're 18 and it will come.

    I'd agree with CookieInOrange, try loads of new things, whether it be sports or something like coding/animation, you don't have to be amazing but you might really enjoy it and looking back I wish I'd tried more things at university! Keep your head up, because that's the hardest task, as reading your life it sounds like you have loads to live for, and don't let the down times define you as a person
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    Thanks to both of you! Good advice that I will hopefully use.
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    U seem like a great guy honestly, being a girl id read that and want to speak to u, maybe to boost ur confidence u should learn to love yourself and be happy and look at all the good things u have achieved or feel good about. Dnt let low self esteem get to you I can be like that aswell but people think that just co I'm pretty (in their eyes ) that I'm so confident but really I'm shy and reserved sometimes and open up once I get to know someone. Ur not alone eh just stay happy and once ur happy with yourself then u will feel confident, not everyone is gonna be your cup of tea and vies versa! Lol


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    Same here. The loneliness is really difficult, not having a girl at your side is very tough. But you just gotta soldier on.

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    (Original post by maddy1234)
    U seem like a great guy honestly, being a girl id read that and want to speak to u,

    but people think that just co I'm pretty (in their eyes )

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    Where are you from? We should meet haha!

    Thanks. I need as many confidence boosts and advice as I can get.
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    Hello

    I can identify a little about feeling out of it at uni. I never really felt like I fitted into my original year group. I didn't particularly want to be friends with anyone in my year as I found the majority of them to be cold, superficial and basically snobbish, rude, arrogant and patronising. I can identify with you because although my position was a little different (became ill with a serious chronic disease on top of everything else) I felt very similar and had a nervous break down - something a lot of people do not know about me....

    You did the right thing by joining groups but maybe you didn't join the right sort of group for you to be able to find people more like yourself? You could try other ones maybe? Not so focussed around sports?

    Finding someone to date is also a challenge at uni, as it seems like everyone is taken or isnt interested- but again that may just be the people you are around. The people you would get on better with are probably doing the same thing as you- not going out so much, not really warming to more extroverted people. perhaps go on the relevant uni page here on TSR and see if you can make friends through there? Or maybe search out others who have been dragged out with friends or just go to events to be there and do something- you can usually spot them a mile off (I usually can anyway- because Im one of them :P )

    Its a tough place for people who don't follow the crowd. I am T-total, shy, slightly eccentric.... people seem to be afraid of that because its not the norm at uni, but that doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. You shouldn't compare yourself to others with regards to them dating and having loads of friends because a.) that's their story... not yours, and no two stories are ever the same- you will find things happen for you at a different rate, time or way. and b.) a lot of friendships and relationships at uni are weak and superficial anyway.

    You sound like a great person, keep your head up and just keep ploughing on. Life isnt satisfying you at the moment.... so make a change. Bite the bullet and get out there, the more people you talk to the more chance you have of finding someone / a group of people you truly connect with and so it'll snow ball into you doing things with them...meeting more people.... more chance of finding a nice girl etc etc....

    Good luck
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    (Original post by Future African game vet)
    Hello

    I can identify a little about feeling out of it at uni. I never really felt like I fitted into my original year group. I didn't particularly want to be friends with anyone in my year as I found the majority of them to be cold, superficial and basically snobbish, rude, arrogant and patronising. I can identify with you because although my position was a little different (became ill with a serious chronic disease on top of everything else) I felt very similar and had a nervous break down - something a lot of people do not know about me....

    You did the right thing by joining groups but maybe you didn't join the right sort of group for you to be able to find people more like yourself? You could try other ones maybe? Not so focussed around sports?

    Finding someone to date is also a challenge at uni, as it seems like everyone is taken or isnt interested- but again that may just be the people you are around. The people you would get on better with are probably doing the same thing as you- not going out so much, not really warming to more extroverted people. perhaps go on the relevant uni page here on TSR and see if you can make friends through there? Or maybe search out others who have been dragged out with friends or just go to events to be there and do something- you can usually spot them a mile off (I usually can anyway- because Im one of them :P )

    Its a tough place for people who don't follow the crowd. I am T-total, shy, slightly eccentric.... people seem to be afraid of that because its not the norm at uni, but that doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. You shouldn't compare yourself to others with regards to them dating and having loads of friends because a.) that's their story... not yours, and no two stories are ever the same- you will find things happen for you at a different rate, time or way. and b.) a lot of friendships and relationships at uni are weak and superficial anyway.

    You sound like a great person, keep your head up and just keep ploughing on. Life isnt satisfying you at the moment.... so make a change. Bite the bullet and get out there, the more people you talk to the more chance you have of finding someone / a group of people you truly connect with and so it'll snow ball into you doing things with them...meeting more people.... more chance of finding a nice girl etc etc....

    Good luck
    Very helpful thanks!
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    (Original post by kiko1997)
    basically I have no friends, no confidence, no girlfriend, and no idea what i am doing here on earth

    I am 1st year in Uni, 18, Male
    I moved away from my home to go to uni, far away, need a flight to get back. I had a few friends, but the only things we had in common really was a massive interest in football, FIFA etc. I found them quite annoying otherwise, and spent little time with them aside from football.
    My school life socially was pretty quiet, i spent a lot of time at, particularly at weekends, Like all families can get annoying, and i have a short temper, but i don't mind being there. I rarely went out for the high school years. I would try to find excuses as to why i didn’t, such as i was going to become super fit (which I'm not) but i couldn't find any. I would talk to lots of people at school, but barely any out of it.

    Sport is probably the largest part of my life, but i am so bad at it. i’ve tried many but i’m below average - poor at all of them. I played rugby for 10ish years but this became a nightmare. I never got the confidence to quit as my dad helped out at training and i could tell he liked it, but also it was the only thing i really did at the weekends or during the week. But i was never played and felt emotionally abused. I would play probably 20 mins/ season. I would travel to games, but be the only one not to get a game, i would be brought on them off. None of the other players liked me. I was shy and bad at rugby. I had to spend years standing on cold sidelines, listening to names being called out (not mine), listening to team talks for games i wouldn't play in, miss out on everything that happened on the pitch, and mostly off it too. I hated it, and hate it even more now I'm out of it. I occasionally play a few other sports, on a small scale, but i fail to commit to any of them, i find it impossible to put in the effort. I have few other hobbies, i spend, lots of time on the internet, youtube , but wish i didn't have to.

    Im not narcissistic but. i’m really nice, and can get really excited and hyper if you talk to me for more than 10 minutes. I like to talk to anyone, i like most people. acquaintances have told me im very thoughtful, kind, funny (really funny apparently), and one of the most liked people in my year. as in by everyone, not most admired. I won the best smile in the year book which was a massive surprise but also a boost to my confidence. But this isn't really any substance, people, girls don’t find me interesting enough (yes i have very low self esteem).

    And on school trips when i could open up to people, they said how great i was to be around, and how they never knew i was this funny but when we went home it was like it never happened. Also i know so few people. only really people in my school and vaguely people from rugby

    girls
    i have had a few interactions with girls. i talk to few girls, but really like the ones i do talk to. i would say i’ve been particularly close to 3 or 4 girls, in high school. One was early on, someone i liked for her looks, and on a school trip we went on, i asked her out on Facebook, she said no. One was a girl who i really liked talking to on the way home from school, i could make her laugh, she said she wanted to go out with me, through a guy i knew. I was scared, of what my parent might do, (they often teased me about girls, so i became very insecure about discussing them), id never had anything like this. I said i had to focus on my exams, its probably the stupidest and most regrettable single thing i’ve done. I really hate myself for doing it. I promised myself i would ask her out next year, but she moved away. Then there was a girl who's crazy, and asked me out after i talked to her for like 5 minutes. I had to block her on Facebook, it got weird. Finally and most recently theres this girl who i’ve been friends with for years and she's basically like the perfect girl, many other guys in the school say they'd happily marry her. She's funny, and politically aware (did i mention i like politics) and quirky, and so cool. Oh and obviously, added bonus, she's bloody good looking. I always got this idea she liked me, not like like but liked more than most girls like me. But she's been in a relationship with the same guy pretty much since i met her. Ive never asked about him, or me and her. it’s basically impossible, as she now lives back home. And yep, never been kissed either.
    When school ended i knew id miss it because that was all the people i knew just gone, and that easy setup of talking to people gone. I became quite sad over the summer, i wasn’t sure of anything in life anymore. Suicide came into my head, not as a solution but just as a thought. I knew i probably wouldn't do it, but i thought about it, and i still do occasionally. Theres this bridge i cross everyday and i wonder if i could throw myself off, but i cant imagine how much it would hurt my family.

    So now we come to Uni, eventually. I knew no one. I sort of missed the first week, and they don't really do many freshers events, people just go out with their school friends. I met basically no one. Ive said hi to a few people in lectures and tutorials but only for a few minutes. And that has continued to today. I joined a few clubs but there mostly 2nd 3rd and 4th years, cliquey etc. the sports teams are so competitive and i’m not fit or committed enough to keep playing them. So I've fallen into not leaving the house. I don't enjoy going out, but i think its mainly because i don't know anyone here to go out with. Ive been out a few times and just come back alone and really sad, and **** up my schedule and miss lectures. So i spend my days inside, on the computer, TV, eating. I cant really motivate myself to study or read which is what i should do, but i just need to pass this year and next year. All the girls here seem very superficial and fake and all the same, i don't know who they're trying to impress but it doesn't work, even though I've probably talk to one or two. And all the lads seem very laddish, drunk and samey also. But Im not hugely missing home as theres nothing really to do there, yet i get very sad after coming back to uni after being home, as i get really happy.

    I’ve not really talked about study etc but basically my course is ok, its something that i sort of enjoy, and hate a lot less than most other subjects. I feel its better than any other alternative i have, because, at the moment, i’ve no idea really what i want to be. I can give more details if you think its necessary.

    So how do i make friends and enjoy life again?! (simple i know) I find it hard to speak to anyone, and keeping contact even harder. How do i get a girlfriend or love, because everyone keeps saying its the most important thing. Also i know i want to have kids. At the moment i’m just going through the motions, very lonely, crying very often, i’m not really living my life, i regret a lot. i don’t want to regret anymore. What should i do? i don't want to die alone!
    Aww, I'm pretty moved be your story tbh :hugs: My life was kinda similar to this & it's only improved a bit so far & I'm even older. The first step would be definitely to work on your confidence. Talk to people on your course, your housemates, join more clubs/societies, believe in yourself, stay positive, don't feel inferior or think that people are going to judge you in a negative way or anything (as that's something that can hinder my own confidence when interacting with new people especially).

    Maybe you could get a part time job, possibly but only if you feel it can fit in with your studies? What other interests do you have apart from sport? How about ask people if they want to hang out with you sometime? Surely everyone can't be that bad, their might be some lovely people out there that you just haven't met aha You just have to keep believing that you will find them sort of people & a positive mindset will aid that. You seem like a decent enough guy, just quite frustrated & down about your current state of affairs. Don't worry about a GF yet, just try & meet new people by putting in the effort & facing the fears that you have when around them.

    You can change your life, I'm adamant of that, it will just take some mental training & willpower. If you wanna talk about anything, I'm happy to help via PM. I wish you all the best man!
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    Agree with the above.
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    (Original post by iAmanze)
    Agree with the above.
    Excellent feedback.
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    I came into this thread to help and saw lots of awesome replies already being awesome.

    Please do follow the advice given and call someone like nightline or samaritans if you get those thoughts again. They're really helpful.
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    (Original post by kiko1997)
    Excellent feedback.
    No wonder you're in the situation you are in.
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    (Original post by kiko1997)
    Where are you from? We should meet haha!

    Thanks. I need as many confidence boosts and advice as I can get.
    Hiya I'm from Glasgow and I'm 21, what about yourself? Haha I wouldn't mind so. Awww id be happy to give any advice,ur so adorable 😊


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    You're 18. I'm 24 years old and have never been in a relationship. But I am still optimistic about finding true love. And you should be too!
 
 
 
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