Reasonably complicated situation with a girl I like

You probably get a few of these, but I just really needed somewhere to vent this and ask for advice from people totally detached from the situation...

Basically, one of my housemates (let's call her Helen) I've had a crush on for a while has recently broken up with her boyfriend. I'm a second year and I lived with her in halls last year and this year we've moved into a house, and during Freshers' week, she found out her boyfriend had cheated on her with her best friend. At the time I felt bad for her, but I also kind of felt glad because she was now single... Which in turn made me feel guilty for feeling that way.

I told another one of my housemates (let's call her Laura) and she told me that I should just leave it as a crush/fantasy and not to do anything with it, because she didn't want me to get hurt (she basically thinks that Helen only thinks of me as a friend). I do know this, but at the same time I don't really want to believe it and I don't know if I'll ever be able to fully believe it unless I hear it from her (which will of course then mean she knows I like her and will introduce all kinds of awkwardness).

There are a few complications, however. She likes another one of my housemates (let's call him Frank) and has occasionally talked to me about him and flirts with him (I don't think she notices this, though. Although I got told off for flirting with her and I didn't even notice it). He's in a relationship, and from the way she talks, she's more jealous of his relationship with his girlfriend than of him - she talks about the way he treats her girlfriend more than him.

Another complication is that my grandmother about a month and a half ago was murdered in her home (this isn't the point of this thread, so I don't really want to discuss this - I am having counselling about it) and Laura thinks that this has brought all of my emotions to the surface about a lot of things, even those not necessarily linked to the death of my Grandma, such as my feelings for Helen. And I can see her point of view.

A final point I probably should make is that I've never had a serious relationship with a girl and never got any further than kissing.

Thanks if you've read this far - any advice you can give about what I should do (if anything) about this situation with Helen would be appreciated.

Reply 1

General Mullet

I think your friend 'Laura' has given you pretty good advice there. Obviously I can only judge the situation from your post but I think your best bet would be to leave this one be.

Reply 2

andy_cole2

so there are 4 of you in the house? I think it would be awkward, but i think anyone in the situation of helen would be understanding if you asked her. if laura thinks that she doesn't like you then she probably doesn't as girls sharing a house are going to talk. I think you should explain to helen in similar terms as you have used here. just explain you want to close it, i think you would feel more comfortable to move on if you kenw for sure. Often when people go throug h intense emotional trauma their feelings get frozen in a certain way. In your position you may subconcoiusly link getting over helen with forgetting about your grans death, you feel you should keep the same emotions frozen as they were before your gran passed away. its just a thought might not apply but i think the best way to move on is to discuss the situation with helen. how you feel etc but don't leave her feeling awkward cos then she may say she likes you when she doesn't which will leave to further complications in the future.

hoep this helps :biggrin:

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Thanks.

General Mullet: That's what I thought. It's true, but I don't particularly want to believe it, although I do know I have to.

andy_cole2: There's actually 6 of us living in this house (4 girls, 2 guys). Laura told me that Helen's never mentioned me as anything other than a friend (in either a positive or negative way) to her, at least. Laura also seems to think that by concentrating on this Helen thing I'm taking my mind off what's going on with my family, which I do agree with. I really do want to talk to Helen about it, but I'm scared that it'll totally change our friendship. I do enjoy spending time with her and she is a good friend to me, and I don't really want that to change.

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