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Very afraid of going to university and relationships at university
Hi, this is my first post for the TSR. This is quite a long post in contrast with other ones so please thanks if you are reading it!
I am on a gap year right now but I have a place at KCL to study theology and I have actually only been there once and this was for the interview (couldn't visit open day because of financial reasons) and well the place feels a little exclusive and the professors and the grand buildings make me well feel I don't kinda belong there.
Actually I should give you a bit about my background: I lived all my life in the most deprived area of Burnley, I go to the college there which is one of the worst in the area and I live with a single parent in a council estate. I was practically one of few students who actually try to do well at school in my area whilst everyone either gets pregnant or just go about in groups intimidating other people (only 30% of students even get the 5 A to C at GCSE). Well despite the fact I want to get the heck out of here it does feel really wierd and the atmosphere well is just so different and it just doesn't feel right at all. And If i go to London I will have to leave my mum behind and she is struggling aready due to her low paid job (gap year is so I can accumalate as much money as possible to help ensure my mum has enough money because I usually work 25 hours a week p/t to help my household). but KCL and the govt has given enough money to fund me for my 3 years of study. But I don't know if she can make If im gone (my dad left her when i was born).
Secondly this might sound strange but its about relationships at university because I have never been in one due to school work and my job. I come from an area where practically every person has slept with someone by the time they are 14/15 and they would most likely have a kid by the time they are 17/18. If you were wondering since secondary school I never had that many friends because people just can't be assed to do any work, while I and 2 other people are willing to and the shortage in teachers mean i take up a lot of my time outside of schools to study while everyone hangs out outside the newsagent. The people there just aren't worth being with because my mum told me don't bother with relationships because she herself completely screwed up her education and it mean't she couldn't get out of this deprived area. I would really like a serious relationship if possible at university (in a sense a partner) but well I have generally avoided girls since starting my a levels and I am really worried about being inexperienced at university.....
Thanks for reading responses will help a lot!
I am on a gap year right now but I have a place at KCL to study theology and I have actually only been there once and this was for the interview (couldn't visit open day because of financial reasons) and well the place feels a little exclusive and the professors and the grand buildings make me well feel I don't kinda belong there.
Actually I should give you a bit about my background: I lived all my life in the most deprived area of Burnley, I go to the college there which is one of the worst in the area and I live with a single parent in a council estate. I was practically one of few students who actually try to do well at school in my area whilst everyone either gets pregnant or just go about in groups intimidating other people (only 30% of students even get the 5 A to C at GCSE). Well despite the fact I want to get the heck out of here it does feel really wierd and the atmosphere well is just so different and it just doesn't feel right at all. And If i go to London I will have to leave my mum behind and she is struggling aready due to her low paid job (gap year is so I can accumalate as much money as possible to help ensure my mum has enough money because I usually work 25 hours a week p/t to help my household). but KCL and the govt has given enough money to fund me for my 3 years of study. But I don't know if she can make If im gone (my dad left her when i was born).
Secondly this might sound strange but its about relationships at university because I have never been in one due to school work and my job. I come from an area where practically every person has slept with someone by the time they are 14/15 and they would most likely have a kid by the time they are 17/18. If you were wondering since secondary school I never had that many friends because people just can't be assed to do any work, while I and 2 other people are willing to and the shortage in teachers mean i take up a lot of my time outside of schools to study while everyone hangs out outside the newsagent. The people there just aren't worth being with because my mum told me don't bother with relationships because she herself completely screwed up her education and it mean't she couldn't get out of this deprived area. I would really like a serious relationship if possible at university (in a sense a partner) but well I have generally avoided girls since starting my a levels and I am really worried about being inexperienced at university.....
Thanks for reading responses will help a lot!
First can i say congratualtions for getting into uni despite everything going on!
I f you the govt are funding your place perhaos you could look into getting a PT job at uni to help you mum out? Im sure with one less mouth to feed she will be fine you dont mention if you have siblings or anything? Secondly relationships will happen at uni as long as you are open to them. Dont be led into thinking that everyone at uni is some sort of sexual god/ess because theyre not. If i were you i would concentrate on getting through the first year unscaythed. You might meet a wonderful girl in your halls or your course whos perfect or you might end up not meeting anyone untill you gradsuate you just dont know.
Good luck
I f you the govt are funding your place perhaos you could look into getting a PT job at uni to help you mum out? Im sure with one less mouth to feed she will be fine you dont mention if you have siblings or anything? Secondly relationships will happen at uni as long as you are open to them. Dont be led into thinking that everyone at uni is some sort of sexual god/ess because theyre not. If i were you i would concentrate on getting through the first year unscaythed. You might meet a wonderful girl in your halls or your course whos perfect or you might end up not meeting anyone untill you gradsuate you just dont know.
Good luck
I went to visit KCL to meet a tutor and I felt the same as you. I'm a bit scared of going back again. Maybe as time goes on you'd like it there though. They have personal tutors so you could always talk to them if you felt like you didn't belong there and needed advice.
Are you religious? Just wondering 'cos you're doing theology. If not, what are you planning on doing with theology? Would you, like, study the Dead Sea Scrolls and the Gospel of Jesus? 'Cos that'd be pretty cool.
Dude, you've been given an opportunity. Take it.
Concentrate on your study and taking care of your Mum, you'll meet someone when you're least expecting it.
Do you think you would be able to visit your Mum at home in your free time at Uni?
The first time people go to Uni, actually start to walk around on their own not knowing where to go to is very intimidating at first. It's all part of growing up and becoming a little more independent.
There will probably be things that you can relate to on campus that you're used to seeing at home too (groups of people hanging around, familiar looking people etc). It's all part of being somewhere different and you must not forget that you are there because you have every right to be there. There's no criteria for who or what background you need to be to feel comfortable at your new place of study, take in your environment and make it your own.
Concentrate on your study and taking care of your Mum, you'll meet someone when you're least expecting it.
Do you think you would be able to visit your Mum at home in your free time at Uni?
The first time people go to Uni, actually start to walk around on their own not knowing where to go to is very intimidating at first. It's all part of growing up and becoming a little more independent.
There will probably be things that you can relate to on campus that you're used to seeing at home too (groups of people hanging around, familiar looking people etc). It's all part of being somewhere different and you must not forget that you are there because you have every right to be there. There's no criteria for who or what background you need to be to feel comfortable at your new place of study, take in your environment and make it your own.
Theology, nice choice 
Honestly don't worry about being inexperienced at university. I'd had pretty much no experience before I got to uni, but even within the first few weeks I felt I'd caught up with others. I'm not saying I'm a complete slut or anything... just that it's a lot easier to find people that you'd want to have a relationship with at university!
Good luck! I hope everything works out ok for you and your mum ::fingers crossed::
Honestly don't worry about being inexperienced at university. I'd had pretty much no experience before I got to uni, but even within the first few weeks I felt I'd caught up with others. I'm not saying I'm a complete slut or anything... just that it's a lot easier to find people that you'd want to have a relationship with at university!
Good luck! I hope everything works out ok for you and your mum ::fingers crossed::
Your mum wants you to go to university. It's obvious she wants you to make more of yourself than she did - all parents do really. Sure, it will be tough for her and she will have to scrimp and save...but she had to do that before you were capable of earning money yourself.
It's better for both of you if you go. Look at it this way...you'll have plenty of holidays to earn a bit of cash, and I bet part-time work will pay more in London. And then, once you get your degree and into a graduate job you'll be in a much better position to help her out than if you were stuck in some minimum wage job back home.
If you don't go, she'll quickly figure out why and feel like it's all her fault that you've wasted your chance to get out of your hometown and get a decent education (at a very very good university btw...congrats on that!)
Good luck. I hope things work out....you have to trust they will!
It's better for both of you if you go. Look at it this way...you'll have plenty of holidays to earn a bit of cash, and I bet part-time work will pay more in London. And then, once you get your degree and into a graduate job you'll be in a much better position to help her out than if you were stuck in some minimum wage job back home.
If you don't go, she'll quickly figure out why and feel like it's all her fault that you've wasted your chance to get out of your hometown and get a decent education (at a very very good university btw...congrats on that!)
Good luck. I hope things work out....you have to trust they will!
Don't ever feel intimidated by your surroudings or other students; you've earned your place and have just as much right to be there as anyone else. Also, if you've had to do a lot of studying on your own because your college was a let down then you could put a positive spin on it and consider yourself well prepared for uni, where it's all about having the discipline to work on your own.
Your mum must be massively proud of you, I'm sure she wouldn't mind living on slightly less money to see you in higher education. When you've graduated you can get a high flying job, then spoil her rotten!!
As for the relationship thing, don't put too much pressure on yourself. Enjoy the social side and make friends, and who knows what will happen?
I'm sure it'll be the best three years of your life!
Your mum must be massively proud of you, I'm sure she wouldn't mind living on slightly less money to see you in higher education. When you've graduated you can get a high flying job, then spoil her rotten!!
As for the relationship thing, don't put too much pressure on yourself. Enjoy the social side and make friends, and who knows what will happen?
I'm sure it'll be the best three years of your life!
You have the opportunity to do what you want to do. I am sure your mother is very proud of you and wants you to go on achieving and moving on to a better life.
As has been said above, you will have to go away from home in order to develop further. But this doesn't mean you will loose contact with your mum.
As to the relationships: things will probably just happen, it might take a while, but you will be fine, I am sure.
As has been said above, you will have to go away from home in order to develop further. But this doesn't mean you will loose contact with your mum.
As to the relationships: things will probably just happen, it might take a while, but you will be fine, I am sure.
wow some responses (just got back from work)! thanks a lot for them. Ok now trying to respond to some of them......
Nah i'm her only child which would make her more lonely. But I guess you guys are right in that she wants me to get out of this dump and to buy her house in the Kensington, lol.
Nah im an athiest. But I chose it over history because Its far more interesting than history IMO.
Really I do hope so cause it would be seriously rare to ever meet someone like that here. Don't get me wrong I don't mind people being in previous relationships at all. However there seriously is a tendancy inside to be very critical to people whom sleep about. Don't know why could be to do with my mum's teaching or me assoiciating it with the people whom just have like 5 partners by 16 and just lack any form of commitment. I really don't want to sound like a neo-conservative from the bible belts of the USA but for reason this view has kinda been stuck in me for the last 2 years.
But thanks a lot for the replys!
Im sure with one less mouth to feed she will be fine you dont mention if you have siblings or anything?
Nah i'm her only child which would make her more lonely. But I guess you guys are right in that she wants me to get out of this dump and to buy her house in the Kensington, lol.
Are you religious? Just wondering 'cos you're doing theology
Nah im an athiest. But I chose it over history because Its far more interesting than history IMO.
you do tend to find quite a few people are like this. It's good you did not succumb to the whole let's get you pregnant thing!
Really I do hope so cause it would be seriously rare to ever meet someone like that here. Don't get me wrong I don't mind people being in previous relationships at all. However there seriously is a tendancy inside to be very critical to people whom sleep about. Don't know why could be to do with my mum's teaching or me assoiciating it with the people whom just have like 5 partners by 16 and just lack any form of commitment. I really don't want to sound like a neo-conservative from the bible belts of the USA but for reason this view has kinda been stuck in me for the last 2 years.
But thanks a lot for the replys!
I'm going to say it straight now buddy;
Very similar circumstances. State school and all that crap. I chose to hang out at the shops and still got into a decent Uni, studying history.
You will inititally hate the middle class aspects of it, but you will learn to ignore it.
Do your thing and get a decent degree. You only get sucked into the Uni lifestyle if you choose to. You know the type, wear Uni hoodies, talk like idiots and shop weekly at Topman.
I felt no association with 3/4 of those ******s. The people I befriended tended to be levelheaded, local state school lads, and there will be some.You will have a great time laughing at the idiots who wear scarves indoors.
all.
Go out and have a blast. You will have fun, just be wary, that's all.
However, I totally disagree with the fact you couldn't have a relationship because you had school work to do. That's pure excusatory crap.
Very similar circumstances. State school and all that crap. I chose to hang out at the shops and still got into a decent Uni, studying history.
You will inititally hate the middle class aspects of it, but you will learn to ignore it.
Do your thing and get a decent degree. You only get sucked into the Uni lifestyle if you choose to. You know the type, wear Uni hoodies, talk like idiots and shop weekly at Topman.
I felt no association with 3/4 of those ******s. The people I befriended tended to be levelheaded, local state school lads, and there will be some.You will have a great time laughing at the idiots who wear scarves indoors.
all.
Go out and have a blast. You will have fun, just be wary, that's all.
However, I totally disagree with the fact you couldn't have a relationship because you had school work to do. That's pure excusatory crap.
KCL is a good uni... you will find many many different people there and you'll definately find people you'll get on well with. And I think that many of the people you meet will share your views on people who sleep around all the time - I certainly do! But of course there will be people who do behave like that and you needn't have anything to do with them.
I went to a pretty apalling school, similar background, and don't come from the typical Oxford background, so my interview here did kinda scare me and intimidate me. Now I'm here I have had some down moments when (no offence to the people I have met I know you are all lovely!) I just wanted to scream at all the super confident, super smart, super un-intimidated public school types, as they made me feel like I didn't belong. However the longer I have been here the more I have settled in, and come to see that the people aren't so different, and are also often intimidated. And yes it is different to where i grew up, but that is a good thing, even though it scares me at times - once you are there you will come to find the same. Think about your options - you can stay in the area where you grew up, do the same as the losers and dropouts fro your school and never imporve yourself, OR you can take this chance, make something of yourself and fulfill your potential. Worst case scenario if you go and hate it, you needn't stay. And about the relationship thing, people at such academic places tend to be more sexually reserved so i have found, at least compared to the sort of attitudes you and i are used to, and you will by no means be an odd one out or anything, there will be a lot of people in the same boat. Good luck, and try not to worry this is a positive thing! xxxx (ps sorry for such a long reply i just really felt i related to your situation)
I just want to say, dont worry too much about relationships at University.
this is the time when MOST people find their first relationship, first girlfriends, first time. You'd be surprised how many people havent even touched a girl let alone seen one before they arrive (joke to self: there was a guy downstairs from me at halls who had just come from an all male boarding school).
Just let yourself be open to new experiences and dont shy away/stay closed off.
You've worked hard and been given this great opportunity to go to a really prestigious university. The fact that you got in alone means you are MEANT to be there and you shouldnt feel that you dont belong, because you do. If you put the work in and got the grades -- you belong.
You dont have to be some posh rich git whos father owns the building just to get in. you deserve it way more than they do
think of it this way, when you've graduated with a brilliant degree from a top uni you'll get a great job and be able to move your mum right out of there.
Im sure she knows this and a 3 yr struggle while you are away will be worth it.
this is the time when MOST people find their first relationship, first girlfriends, first time. You'd be surprised how many people havent even touched a girl let alone seen one before they arrive (joke to self: there was a guy downstairs from me at halls who had just come from an all male boarding school).
Just let yourself be open to new experiences and dont shy away/stay closed off.
You've worked hard and been given this great opportunity to go to a really prestigious university. The fact that you got in alone means you are MEANT to be there and you shouldnt feel that you dont belong, because you do. If you put the work in and got the grades -- you belong.
You dont have to be some posh rich git whos father owns the building just to get in. you deserve it way more than they do
think of it this way, when you've graduated with a brilliant degree from a top uni you'll get a great job and be able to move your mum right out of there.
Im sure she knows this and a 3 yr struggle while you are away will be worth it.
Tomharper
Hi, this is my first post for the TSR. This is quite a long post in contrast with other ones so please thanks if you are reading it!
I am on a gap year right now but I have a place at KCL to study theology and I have actually only been there once and this was for the interview (couldn't visit open day because of financial reasons) and well the place feels a little exclusive and the professors and the grand buildings make me well feel I don't kinda belong there.
Actually I should give you a bit about my background: I lived all my life in the most deprived area of Burnley, I go to the college there which is one of the worst in the area and I live with a single parent in a council estate. I was practically one of few students who actually try to do well at school in my area whilst everyone either gets pregnant or just go about in groups intimidating other people (only 30% of students even get the 5 A to C at GCSE). Well despite the fact I want to get the heck out of here it does feel really wierd and the atmosphere well is just so different and it just doesn't feel right at all. And If i go to London I will have to leave my mum behind and she is struggling aready due to her low paid job (gap year is so I can accumalate as much money as possible to help ensure my mum has enough money because I usually work 25 hours a week p/t to help my household). but KCL and the govt has given enough money to fund me for my 3 years of study. But I don't know if she can make If im gone (my dad left her when i was born).
Secondly this might sound strange but its about relationships at university because I have never been in one due to school work and my job. I come from an area where practically every person has slept with someone by the time they are 14/15 and they would most likely have a kid by the time they are 17/18. If you were wondering since secondary school I never had that many friends because people just can't be assed to do any work, while I and 2 other people are willing to and the shortage in teachers mean i take up a lot of my time outside of schools to study while everyone hangs out outside the newsagent. The people there just aren't worth being with because my mum told me don't bother with relationships because she herself completely screwed up her education and it mean't she couldn't get out of this deprived area. I would really like a serious relationship if possible at university (in a sense a partner) but well I have generally avoided girls since starting my a levels and I am really worried about being inexperienced at university.....
Thanks for reading responses will help a lot!
I am on a gap year right now but I have a place at KCL to study theology and I have actually only been there once and this was for the interview (couldn't visit open day because of financial reasons) and well the place feels a little exclusive and the professors and the grand buildings make me well feel I don't kinda belong there.
Actually I should give you a bit about my background: I lived all my life in the most deprived area of Burnley, I go to the college there which is one of the worst in the area and I live with a single parent in a council estate. I was practically one of few students who actually try to do well at school in my area whilst everyone either gets pregnant or just go about in groups intimidating other people (only 30% of students even get the 5 A to C at GCSE). Well despite the fact I want to get the heck out of here it does feel really wierd and the atmosphere well is just so different and it just doesn't feel right at all. And If i go to London I will have to leave my mum behind and she is struggling aready due to her low paid job (gap year is so I can accumalate as much money as possible to help ensure my mum has enough money because I usually work 25 hours a week p/t to help my household). but KCL and the govt has given enough money to fund me for my 3 years of study. But I don't know if she can make If im gone (my dad left her when i was born).
Secondly this might sound strange but its about relationships at university because I have never been in one due to school work and my job. I come from an area where practically every person has slept with someone by the time they are 14/15 and they would most likely have a kid by the time they are 17/18. If you were wondering since secondary school I never had that many friends because people just can't be assed to do any work, while I and 2 other people are willing to and the shortage in teachers mean i take up a lot of my time outside of schools to study while everyone hangs out outside the newsagent. The people there just aren't worth being with because my mum told me don't bother with relationships because she herself completely screwed up her education and it mean't she couldn't get out of this deprived area. I would really like a serious relationship if possible at university (in a sense a partner) but well I have generally avoided girls since starting my a levels and I am really worried about being inexperienced at university.....
Thanks for reading responses will help a lot!
right.
i can actually feel what you're saying because i went to high school in a pretty deprived area where many had lost their virginity by the age of 14. but yeah, as for university, i'm sure your mum would hate for you to feel like you shouldn't go because you're busy worrying about her. if you go to uni you'll still be able to come visit her and help her out, if it makes any difference go to a closer uni, that way you can stay with her but also go to uni.
as for relationships, they just happen. i'm looking forward to uni just because there'll be so many more people, so many opportunities. i've never had a serious boyfriend, but i'm sure there are hundreds, if not a few thousand people in the same boat as me. uni's almost the perfect place to meet someone.
don't worry too much about it, going to university will benefit you undoubtably, just don't feel you have to sacrifice it.
About KCL I think I know how you feel because I have friends from my college whom were terriefied being interviewed at UCL. It may feel different but I think you will prefer it more because the people there will take their work more serious and the piss abouts whom just play about will not be there. However I think there will be a few snobs here and about at KCL and just ignore them because what you achieved up to now is impressive, KCL is arguably one of the best university in the UK after oxbridge.
As for relationships I was shocked when i moved to a sixth form college as on my first day there was tests avaible for STI from the NHS (I went to a all boys school). Think about it mate you got the grades and you can relax this gap year. I know people whom just sacrafice thier academic future for a relationship and before you know it the relationship fails and they screw up their exams and have to retake the year or just achieve grades that aren't their full potential. About experience the posts are right that places where there is a strong academic reputation tends to have people whom take their work serious and don't have time for relationships before university and are also more reserved when it comes to sex. Remember how would you future partner feel if you told her you lost your virginity at 14 and had 8 partners before her and getting one of them pregnant!
Anyways best of luck In the future and hope everyone works out
As for relationships I was shocked when i moved to a sixth form college as on my first day there was tests avaible for STI from the NHS (I went to a all boys school). Think about it mate you got the grades and you can relax this gap year. I know people whom just sacrafice thier academic future for a relationship and before you know it the relationship fails and they screw up their exams and have to retake the year or just achieve grades that aren't their full potential. About experience the posts are right that places where there is a strong academic reputation tends to have people whom take their work serious and don't have time for relationships before university and are also more reserved when it comes to sex. Remember how would you future partner feel if you told her you lost your virginity at 14 and had 8 partners before her and getting one of them pregnant!
Anyways best of luck In the future and hope everyone works out
Everyone is different when you get to uni, and you'll be surprised how 'different' your friends will turn out to be to what you expected, but thats not a problem.
There will be poeple from all walks of life when you get to uni, your just another person, don't let your background put you off!
There will be poeple from all walks of life when you get to uni, your just another person, don't let your background put you off!
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