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I don't think mum wants me home for xmas?
I don't know exactly what my mum's thinking, but it seems like she doesn't want me home at xmas. I moved into halls in September, basically because my mum and I had a massive argument and she threw me out. She really meant it and I ended up spending three weeks in a hostel. She didn't seem to care where I was, and all my wages went on the rent which left me with very little for food and I became depressed and lost a lot of weight. Eventually she phoned me and said she missed me, and to cut a long story short I went into halls and we are closer now than ever before. We always call each other.
Then today, I went home to visit as I do every fortnight, and she asked what I was doing for xmas and asked "are you coming here or are you getting a meal for one?" to that I smiled and joked "meal for one" and she looked as if she was surprised but actually believed me. I then told her I had to be out of the halls during the xmas break, and she asked "what are you going to do for two weeks? where will you go?" She was actually serious, I couldn't believe it. I just said "oh I don't know, most people are going home" she asked me again "oh where will you go?" and also said "are you sure about your lease conditions?, you should be allowed to stay in your own flat." I was so shocked, but I tried to hide my upset and changed the subject. Otherwise I would've got very angry.
The question is, what do I do? I'm so upset by this, I can't believe she's so heartless. I would stay in my flat if thats how she really feels, but I don't think I'll be allowed since apparently the rent doesn't cover the xmas break. Someone please help, I have no-one to talk to about this.
Then today, I went home to visit as I do every fortnight, and she asked what I was doing for xmas and asked "are you coming here or are you getting a meal for one?" to that I smiled and joked "meal for one" and she looked as if she was surprised but actually believed me. I then told her I had to be out of the halls during the xmas break, and she asked "what are you going to do for two weeks? where will you go?" She was actually serious, I couldn't believe it. I just said "oh I don't know, most people are going home" she asked me again "oh where will you go?" and also said "are you sure about your lease conditions?, you should be allowed to stay in your own flat." I was so shocked, but I tried to hide my upset and changed the subject. Otherwise I would've got very angry.
The question is, what do I do? I'm so upset by this, I can't believe she's so heartless. I would stay in my flat if thats how she really feels, but I don't think I'll be allowed since apparently the rent doesn't cover the xmas break. Someone please help, I have no-one to talk to about this.
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Reply 1
Do you think your Mum is trying to win this situation over by making you ask if you can stay at home with her over the Christmas break?
Reply 2
She sounds very immature. Do you have any siblings? What does your dad think? (If he's around)
Reply 3
I think she might feel just as insecure about your intentions as you are about hers. I guess there will be no way around it: ask her, if it is ok by her if you come home at Xmas, not only because you have to move out, but because you want to come home. (if this is so)
Otherwise you might have to get yourself invited to some friends. Do you have a father or siblings?
Otherwise you might have to get yourself invited to some friends. Do you have a father or siblings?
Reply 4
It sounds like you are not very informal with your mum, why didn't you just ask why she was being serious and tell her that you were comming home
Doesn't sound like you have a very close relationship probably since you were thrown out. If she rang up and told you she missed you then I think she'l want you for christmas.
Doesn't sound like you have a very close relationship probably since you were thrown out. If she rang up and told you she missed you then I think she'l want you for christmas.Reply 5
OK so you've had your differences in the past but are now both getting over it
That's an open invitation. She would like you there but doesn't want to push it.
oops you've just knocked back the invite, preferring to be on you own rather than with her.
She's now probably concerned and worried about where you'll go and what you'll do.
For Gods sake phone her up and tell her you'll be back for Christmas !
(don't forget to include the phrase "if that's ok by you")
"are you coming here or are you getting a meal for one?"
That's an open invitation. She would like you there but doesn't want to push it.
I smiled and joked "meal for one" and she looked as if she was surprised
oops you've just knocked back the invite, preferring to be on you own rather than with her.
She's now probably concerned and worried about where you'll go and what you'll do.
For Gods sake phone her up and tell her you'll be back for Christmas !
(don't forget to include the phrase "if that's ok by you")
Reply 6
Your mum's rotten. What a miserable evil arse she is. I didn't think parents could be so rotten to their own kids but how naive I was. 
If you won't be able to get by over Christmas on the little money you have coming in, (enough to rent out a room), you might just have to stick it out. I know it's the last thing you want to do (and if I were you I don't know how I would be strong enough to do it) but you might have to grovel a bit so you at least know you'll have a roof over your head at Christmas.
Your mum sounds heartless. I wouldn't know how I would bring myself to discuss this with her without controling my fury.
I know pity is not what you're looking for but I'm really sorry to hear about your situation. If you were my friend I would let you stay at my house.
If you won't be able to get by over Christmas on the little money you have coming in, (enough to rent out a room), you might just have to stick it out. I know it's the last thing you want to do (and if I were you I don't know how I would be strong enough to do it) but you might have to grovel a bit so you at least know you'll have a roof over your head at Christmas.
Your mum sounds heartless. I wouldn't know how I would bring myself to discuss this with her without controling my fury.
I know pity is not what you're looking for but I'm really sorry to hear about your situation. If you were my friend I would let you stay at my house.
Reply 7
I have three younger siblings and I have a step-dad but I don't talk to him at all. I can't stay with any of my family either. She was probably testing me to see if I would ask, but what upsets me is why would I have to ask to go home for xmas with my own family?
My little sister asked if I would buy her a pair of converse for xmas, I told her I couldn't really afford it and then my mum snapped "don't ask her for presents!" I just feel so confused, its like she's playing games with me.
My little sister asked if I would buy her a pair of converse for xmas, I told her I couldn't really afford it and then my mum snapped "don't ask her for presents!" I just feel so confused, its like she's playing games with me.
Reply 8
alio~
If she rang up and told you she missed you then I think she'l want you for christmas.
Pfft she was probably lonely. She threw her out and let her stay in a hostel for three weeks, anything could have happened to the OP in this time. What a lovely caring mother she is.
Reply 9
Michelle12
Your mum's rotten. What a miserable evil arse she is. I didn't think parents could be so rotten to their own kids but how naive I was.
If you won't be able to get by over Christmas on the little money you have coming in, (enough to rent out a room), you might just have to stick it out. I know it's the last thing you want to do (and if I were you I don't know how I would be strong enough to do it) but you might have to grovel a bit so you at least know you'll have a roof over your head at Christmas.
Your mum sounds heartless. I wouldn't know how I would bring myself to discuss this with her without controling my fury.
I know pity is not what you're looking for but I'm really sorry to hear about your situation. If you were my friend I would let you stay at my house.
If you won't be able to get by over Christmas on the little money you have coming in, (enough to rent out a room), you might just have to stick it out. I know it's the last thing you want to do (and if I were you I don't know how I would be strong enough to do it) but you might have to grovel a bit so you at least know you'll have a roof over your head at Christmas.
Your mum sounds heartless. I wouldn't know how I would bring myself to discuss this with her without controling my fury.
I know pity is not what you're looking for but I'm really sorry to hear about your situation. If you were my friend I would let you stay at my house.
I don't agree with your interpretation. None of us knows what went on before the OP got thrown out, it may be a long standing thing.
The way I see it, the mother has realised she has been harsh and is trying to patch up without loosing her face. The question about "What are you doing..etc" is an open invitation. Since the OP has difficulties with this invitation there are more issues here than we know of.
Ideally the OP would have friends to stay with for most of the time and only go home for a few days.
Reply 10
I'm just gobsmacked, more than anything. We'd been getting on so well over the past few weeks; we've been to gigs, travelled to London and chat on MSN, it's great. That's why I feel so hurt, I paid for her flight tickets, hotel, gig tickets the lot. All my friends are going home for xmas, and if it comes to the crunch and I'm not going home, I might end up paying to stay in my flat afterall. What a miserable thought!
Reply 11
Michelle12
Pfft she was probably lonely. She threw her out and let her stay in a hostel for three weeks, anything could have happened to the OP in this time. What a lovely caring mother she is.
You can't judge someone just by there actions, my mum said that if she was me she would go and slit her throat (she is sick of me having panic attacks). She has said that im going to end up in a 'looney bin' if I carry on but other than this she is a really good mother and not what she seems she just says the worst things ever on purpose. My point is its hard to judge the OP's mum just by what she says/does, every parent has there good and bad points you just have to concentrate on the good.
Sorry if i sound annoying
Reply 12
18
Dude, to me it sounds like she was trying to get you to reconsider your "staying at uni" joke and stay at home. I think you took it the wrong way, just like she took your staying at uni joke the wrong way.
Reply 13
Talon
Dude, to me it sounds like she was trying to get you to reconsider your "staying at uni" joke and stay at home. I think you took it the wrong way, just like she took your staying at uni joke the wrong way.
I agree!
Reply 14
I think you should ask if you can stay in halls and then attend one of those expat christmases. I did this a few years ago when I wasnt keen on spending christmas with my family and I had a brilliant time
a few people in a house just messing around, make turkey, have lots to drink and have a great time. you only chip in what you can afford usually. try gumtree.com and look for people in your same position.
even if your mother did invite you back from the sounds of things she is a spiteful woman and would you really want to spend christmas with her anyway
my mum has weird evil tendancies and so now we just keep our distance
sadly you cant pick your parents, but you can plan out where your life goes from here!
a few people in a house just messing around, make turkey, have lots to drink and have a great time. you only chip in what you can afford usually. try gumtree.com and look for people in your same position.
even if your mother did invite you back from the sounds of things she is a spiteful woman and would you really want to spend christmas with her anyway
my mum has weird evil tendancies and so now we just keep our distance
sadly you cant pick your parents, but you can plan out where your life goes from here!
Reply 15
Anonymous
I have three younger siblings and I have a step-dad but I don't talk to him at all. I can't stay with any of my family either. She was probably testing me to see if I would ask, but what upsets me is why would I have to ask to go home for xmas with my own family?
My little sister asked if I would buy her a pair of converse for xmas, I told her I couldn't really afford it and then my mum snapped "don't ask her for presents!" I just feel so confused, its like she's playing games with me.
My little sister asked if I would buy her a pair of converse for xmas, I told her I couldn't really afford it and then my mum snapped "don't ask her for presents!" I just feel so confused, its like she's playing games with me.
What are your 3 younger siblings doing? And no, you shouldn't have to ask to spend Christmas with your family
May I ask, are your 3 younger siblings half-siblings?
Michelle12
Pfft she was probably lonely. She threw her out and let her stay in a hostel for three weeks, anything could have happened to the OP in this time. What a lovely caring mother she is.
Agreed. I feel so sorry for the OP. What mother would let their child stay in a hostel?
OP, how old were you when that happened?
Reply 16
Talon
Dude, to me it sounds like she was trying to get you to reconsider your "staying at uni" joke and stay at home. I think you took it the wrong way, just like she took your staying at uni joke the wrong way.
Definitely agree
Reply 17
alio~
You can't judge someone just by there actions, my mum said that if she was me she would go and slit her throat (she is sick of me having panic attacks). She has said that im going to end up in a 'looney bin' if I carry on but other than this she is a really good mother and not what she seems she just says the worst things ever on purpose. My point is its hard to judge the OP's mum just by what she says/does, every parent has there good and bad points you just have to concentrate on the good.
Sorry if i sound annoying
Sorry if i sound annoying
That depends on the extent of their actions.
I'm standing on one leg here... but I'm assuming the OP isn't a violent person.
A parent chucking out their child for a reason other then violence even if they're both in a tight corner because of their intense dislike for eachother- is just morally abhorrant to me.
Leisure 17, The mum shouldn't haven't put her out knowing she had little money to survive on. The OP had even lost a lot of weight as a direct result, making her weak and vulnerable. Only after three weeks did the mother call her to check up on her. I'm just reading inbetween the lines and saying that she doesn't seem like a very caring mother to me and therefore I'm not too sure what to deduce from what she said. Open invitation? Maybe. Maybe not.
Not having a go at any of you, by the way. It's just my opinion and I respect yours too.
Pleasure_peach. Thanks. I was beginning to feel like a grouchy old moo.
Reply 18
Michelle12
That depends on the extent of their actions.
I'm standing on one leg here... but I'm assuming the OP isn't a violent person.
A parent chucking out their child for a reason other then violence even if they're both in a tight corner because of their intense dislike for eachother- is just morally abhorrant to me.
Leisure 17, The mum shouldn't haven't put her out knowing she had little money to survive on. The OP had even lost a lot of weight as a direct result, making her weak and vulnerable. Only after three weeks did the mother call her to check up on her. I'm just reading inbetween the lines and saying that she doesn't seem like a very caring mother to me and therefore I'm not too sure what to deduce from what she said. Open invitation? Maybe. Maybe not.
Not having a go at any of you, by the way. It's just my opinion and I respect yours too.
Pleasure_peach. Thanks. I was beginning to feel like a grouchy old moo.
I'm standing on one leg here... but I'm assuming the OP isn't a violent person.
A parent chucking out their child for a reason other then violence even if they're both in a tight corner because of their intense dislike for eachother- is just morally abhorrant to me.
Leisure 17, The mum shouldn't haven't put her out knowing she had little money to survive on. The OP had even lost a lot of weight as a direct result, making her weak and vulnerable. Only after three weeks did the mother call her to check up on her. I'm just reading inbetween the lines and saying that she doesn't seem like a very caring mother to me and therefore I'm not too sure what to deduce from what she said. Open invitation? Maybe. Maybe not.
Not having a go at any of you, by the way. It's just my opinion and I respect yours too.
Pleasure_peach. Thanks. I was beginning to feel like a grouchy old moo.
You would make a good mum
Reply 19
Haha. Thanks. 
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