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    I have being in a relationship for almost four years, she lives in Birmingham and I live further up north!

    A couple of months ago I decided that my life isn't were it should be and suggested transferring universities and getting another job to be a little closer to her. Now that it has gotten a little closer to this and I have being accepted by another university she told me to stay here and wait a couple of years and just see her every now and again.

    She keeps trying to reassure me she loves me but I'm really struggling. I knew there would be a lot of hardship in LDR but our communication is no longer what it used to be and I can't imagine my "relationship" being me seeing her every couple of months for a day or two for the foreseeable future.

    I love her infinitely but I just want to see if any of you think I should stick it out or move on.
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    (Original post by jackx31)
    I have being in a relationship for almost four years, she lives in Birmingham and I live further up north!

    A couple of months ago I decided that my life isn't were it should be and suggested transferring universities and getting another job to be a little closer to her. Now that it has gotten a little closer to this and I have being accepted by another university she told me to stay here and wait a couple of years and just see her every now and again.

    She keeps trying to reassure me she loves me but I'm really struggling. I knew there would be a lot of hardship in LDR but our communication is no longer what it used to be and I can't imagine my "relationship" being me seeing her every couple of months for a day or two for the foreseeable future.
    I love her infinitely but I just want to see if any of you think I should stick it out or move on.
    Disclaimer-This is not professional advice but merely an opinion, take it or leave it.

    Your first mistake was jeopardising your education by transferring Universities, NEVER transfer/change/leave your course/career for ANYBODY except for your own personal development and well-being- If you transferred and she never offered to then this should have been a warning sign because she cared more for her own life than yours. I personally don't condone premarital relationships nor do I encourage them ,but in this case my opinion would be to try and find out what her future plans are, just in case you are not in them. I cannot make a judgement as to whether you should break it off because I don't know you situation personally, and once again nowhere in this am I condoning or encouraging premarital relationships. DO NOT BE VIOLENT if you don't fit into her plans, rather take it in your stride and use it as character development and a life experience.
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    How far are we talking say a drive in the car?
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    (Original post by polpo)

    Your first mistake was jeopardising your education by transferring Universities, NEVER transfer/change/leave your course/career for ANYBODY except for your own personal development and well-being- If you transferred and she never offered to then this should have been a warning sign because she cared more for her own life than yours.

    I personally don't condone premarital relationships nor do I encourage them
    The first bit I agree with to an extent.

    But the latter, what on earth? How can you know if that is the person you want to marry if you are not in a relationship with them?
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    (Original post by Sam Walters)
    The first bit I agree with to an extent.

    But the latter, what on earth? How can you know if that is the person you want to marry if you are not in a relationship with them?
    It's a cultural thing.
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    (Original post by polpo)
    It's a cultural thing.
    Didn't think of that. Good point.
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    (Original post by Sam Walters)
    Didn't think of that. Good point.
    Thanks
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    (Original post by Sam Walters)
    How far are we talking say a drive in the car?


    4 hours on a good day really!
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    (Original post by jackx31)
    4 hours on a good day really!
    Whats the problem then? I guess that puts you somewhere near Edinburgh? Actually no.....Newcastle?

    That's not too bad. Id be doing that every other weekend if I was in your position.

    I had a relationship with a girl a while back and she lived an hour away. But 3 nights a week I went to see her.
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    (Original post by Sam Walters)
    Whats the problem then? I guess that puts you somewhere near Edinburgh? Actually no.....Newcastle?

    That's not too bad. Id be doing that every other weekend if I was in your position.

    I had a relationship with a girl a while back and she lived an hour away. But 3 nights a week I went to see her.



    I agree I want to see her a lot more, but after the whole university thing she said that I see her every other month. I'll be honest I suggested a few times that I would quite happily drive and see her every week for a day or two or every other week.


    and Newcastle!
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    (Original post by jackx31)
    I have being in a relationship for almost four years, she lives in Birmingham and I live further up north!

    A couple of months ago I decided that my life isn't were it should be and suggested transferring universities and getting another job to be a little closer to her. Now that it has gotten a little closer to this and I have being accepted by another university she told me to stay here and wait a couple of years and just see her every now and again.

    She keeps trying to reassure me she loves me but I'm really struggling. I knew there would be a lot of hardship in LDR but our communication is no longer what it used to be and I can't imagine my "relationship" being me seeing her every couple of months for a day or two for the foreseeable future.

    I love her infinitely but I just want to see if any of you think I should stick it out or move on.
    There's any number of reasons why she might have done this. She might feel guilty about you moving a fair distance away from your family etc. (I assume anyway) and changing universities for her. She might want to go travelling alone after university and doesn't want to have to leave you alone for a year somewhere that you moved to specifically for her. She might be having doubts about the relationship and whether she can see it lasting for the foreseeable future.

    The only thing to do is sit her down, face-to-face, and ask her straight out.
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    (Original post by jackx31)
    I have being in a relationship for almost four years, she lives in Birmingham and I live further up north!

    A couple of months ago I decided that my life isn't were it should be and suggested transferring universities and getting another job to be a little closer to her. Now that it has gotten a little closer to this and I have being accepted by another university she told me to stay here and wait a couple of years and just see her every now and again.

    She keeps trying to reassure me she loves me but I'm really struggling. I knew there would be a lot of hardship in LDR but our communication is no longer what it used to be and I can't imagine my "relationship" being me seeing her every couple of months for a day or two for the foreseeable future.

    I love her infinitely but I just want to see if any of you think I should stick it out or move on.
    Definitely don't stick it out, time to get out. I was in an ldr for a few months (exact locations as you btw). Things were going perfectly, but eventually communications broke down, she couldn't be bothered talking to me anymore, I'm always desperate to hear from her and I never do, and eventually she left me. It's not worth it man. Even though I'll always love her (and I love her infinitely) I'm glad she finally dumped me, it's less painful this way. So trust me, it's not worth it. She can't be bothered to make time for you. It's not a relationship if you're not physically with someone and seeing them in person, regularly. You're better off leaving her, pick yourself up and get on with your life. It'll be a miserable few days after you break up but soon you'll feel better. Trust me, I'm speaking from experience, I was in a very similar situation as you. It's just not worth the hassle. Ask yourself, do you genuinely believe (and I mean absolutely, one hundred percent certain without a shadow of a doubt) that she loves you as much as you love her? And do you believe that she wants you just as badly as you want her? I'm guessing the answer is no. I'll cut it short, I could go on, but I'll just end by telling you to leave her right away. Even though it's gonna be painful, you'll save yourself a lot of heartache further down the line.

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    (Original post by Illegal Algebra)
    Definitely don't stick it out, time to get out. I was in an ldr for a few months (exact locations as you btw). Things were going perfectly, but eventually communications broke down, she couldn't be bothered talking to me anymore, I'm always desperate to hear from her and I never do, and eventually she left me. It's not worth it man. Even though I'll always love her (and I love her infinitely) I'm glad she finally dumped me, it's less painful this way. So trust me, it's not worth it. She can't be bothered to make time for you. It's not a relationship if you're not physically with someone and seeing them in person, regularly. You're better off leaving her, pick yourself up and get on with your life. It'll be a miserable few days after you break up but soon you'll feel better. Trust me, I'm speaking from experience, I was in a very similar situation as you. It's just not worth the hassle. Ask yourself, do you genuinely believe (and I mean absolutely, one hundred percent certain without a shadow of a doubt) that she loves you as much as you love her? And do you believe that she wants you just as badly as you want her? I'm guessing the answer is no. I'll cut it short, I could go on, but I'll just end by telling you to leave her right away. Even though it's gonna be painful, you'll save yourself a lot of heartache further down the line.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Thanks mate. I kind of knew what people would say before I finished writing this but it's always nice to get a second and third opinion and after sleeping on it I agree it's just messing with my head
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    (Original post by jackx31)
    I have being in a relationship for almost four years, she lives in Birmingham and I live further up north!

    A couple of months ago I decided that my life isn't were it should be and suggested transferring universities and getting another job to be a little closer to her. Now that it has gotten a little closer to this and I have being accepted by another university she told me to stay here and wait a couple of years and just see her every now and again.

    She keeps trying to reassure me she loves me but I'm really struggling. I knew there would be a lot of hardship in LDR but our communication is no longer what it used to be and I can't imagine my "relationship" being me seeing her every couple of months for a day or two for the foreseeable future.

    I love her infinitely but I just want to see if any of you think I should stick it out or move on.
    I was in a LDR with my boyfriend for about 5 months. We met up maybe once a month for a few days at a time. The time we were apart was really hard.

    Like you my boyfriend and I discussed him moving closer to me and the idea made us really happy. He got a job near to where I live and found somewhere to live about a 5minute walk from my house.. it was perfect. However a week or two leading up to the move I began to think he was making a huge mistake... Because of me he was up rooting himself and moving 3 hours away from his close knit family and friends. I tried to talk him out of it so many times; not because I didn't love him but because I didn't want him to hate me for making him move and I didn't want him to be without his family again.

    Anyways despite my pleas he moved anyway. I can honestly say I've never been happier. It made the right choice and I was wrong.

    Maybe your girlfriend of an impressive 4 years is having the same feelings I was having. You need to sit down with her and talk to her face to face.. I personally would advise not to give up just yet. Having said that .. I do agree with the people who have said to not let it hinder your education.

    Best of luck!

    Posted from TSR Mobile
 
 
 
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