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I'm 21 and I have absolutely no friends. Watch

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    #1

    Hey guys,

    I'm not really sure how to start this, I'm just sort of wondering if anyone else is in a similar position to me.

    I'm 21 (female) and have no friends (I know how pathetic that sounds). I'm in my second year at uni and it's so miserable having to attend lectures and seminars alone, it feels like it must be really obvious to other people how alone I am and it's embarrassing. I have tried hard to connect with others but I have terrible social anxiety, making it pretty difficult, and the people I have spoken with/met online always seem to get bored with me very quickly. I'm not sure what to do.

    Interests: Gaming, social justice, feminism, movies etc
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    Hi There

    Don't worry I think we all have times in our lives where friendship as an issue

    All I can say is try and find a group where you all have a common interest and take it from there but most importantly be yourself as other may see you as trying to force a freindship which will never work

    But the most important thing is DON'T give up
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    same boat but it doesnt bother me now. im an interesting, loyal person and so its their loss i guess
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    The best thing to do is find a society that a mix of people will join. Something like Bar School or a society that suites what you enjoy doing as a hobby.


    Also remember there are other people like you, I see plenty around and if given the opportunity I always try to talk to them

    Don't give up! Just gotta find the right people!
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    Hey im 20 nearly 21 with no friends too. but sometimes you just got to look at it as a positive because alot of the time "friends" are snakes. atleast you can trust yourself <3
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    Maybe try out some new hobbies or sports. Importantly try social activities. movies and gaming are individual events.. If you are into gaming maybe live action role play? Feminist discussion groups?
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    I'm 23 and I have no friends. Just have to accept it and get on with life.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
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    (Original post by Illegal Algebra)
    I'm 23 and I have no friends. Just have to accept it and get on with life.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    word. haha :P
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    Sit next to someone who is also alone in a lecture, start up a conversation before it starts and then ask if they want to grab a coffee or something afterwards. If you find it too awkward to be that outright just start talking about an essay or something that you both have and suggest you can bounce ideas off each other over a coffee. Then once at coffee, start talking about other things as well.

    Alternatively take up volunteering or something and try and strike up conversation with your fellow volunteers.
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    Same.
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    Why don't you just bang a boy
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    I found it was the same when I went to uni, so much so in my second year I moved back home and lived with my parents, overtime I gradually went to various societies and events which i was interested in and over time I built friendships. Also you uni may have a counseling service, I find that they are great and help put things in perspective and help build your confidence.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hey guys,

    I'm not really sure how to start this, I'm just sort of wondering if anyone else is in a similar position to me.

    I'm 21 (female) and have no friends (I know how pathetic that sounds). I'm in my second year at uni and it's so miserable having to attend lectures and seminars alone, it feels like it must be really obvious to other people how alone I am and it's embarrassing. I have tried hard to connect with others but I have terrible social anxiety, making it pretty difficult, and the people I have spoken with/met online always seem to get bored with me very quickly. I'm not sure what to do.

    Interests: Gaming, social justice, feminism, movies etc
    Join a few societies, this is pretty much the reason they exist in the first place. Sports societies are quite good for nights out generally, if that is less your thing look up some of the more social societies. My uni (leeds) even has societies like a quidich society and a chocolate society. The thing I find most common among people who complain they have few/no friends is that they make very little effort themselves to branch out. One of my mates is always complaining she barely has any friends at uni but as far as I can tell she makes no effort to make any.

    Hell I went to Judo soc for the first time in a year yesterday and I already got invited to a pub crawl today. Not to sound harsh or anything but uni is full of social opportunities, there are so many different ways to get involved from volunteering to societies, to just talking to people on your course to set up study groups. Its really up to you to involve yourself in the many many groups about.

    There is always a gamer society of some kind you could go to, you could get involved with one of the political societies if you feel strongly about it, many socs have movie nights etc. Be approachable, be confident, start conversations and get to know people. IMO its really an investment, you put some effort into becoming part of a group (whatever that group is) and you get the benefits of being part of that group. I get that some people struggle and are introverted by nature but thats something that you have to overcome. My younger brother struggled socially for a long time before he joined an anime society, whilst I don't claim to understand anything about anime I am glad that he now has a close group of friends.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hey guys,

    I'm not really sure how to start this, I'm just sort of wondering if anyone else is in a similar position to me.

    I'm 21 (female) and have no friends (I know how pathetic that sounds). I'm in my second year at uni and it's so miserable having to attend lectures and seminars alone, it feels like it must be really obvious to other people how alone I am and it's embarrassing. I have tried hard to connect with others but I have terrible social anxiety, making it pretty difficult, and the people I have spoken with/met online always seem to get bored with me very quickly. I'm not sure what to do.

    Interests: Gaming, social justice, feminism, movies etc

    In a similar situation to you, just not quite as extreme. Have a few friends and social anxiety perhaps not quite as bad.

    Personally, I've not got my **** together, but I'm trying. I'll tell you one thing though, if you're hoping someone will post that magic bullet answer that paves your way to a more enjoyable social life, you will not find it.

    You can change, you can decrease and manage your social anxiety and you can make friends. But it takes time. It takes effort. Reading into the right self-help stuff, diligently practicing and experimenting with socialising by leaving your comfort zone, you will discover you have the ability to connect. But it won't happen overnight, and the only person that will determine whether you will make change happen or not is yourself. Setback? Try again. Another setback? Try again. Keep at it and you will get there. You've just got to figure out the way and start doing.
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    OP, the best answer in the thread is to join societies. Then, when you go to events/ participate in sports or whatever, actually speak to people.

    Don't be worried about inviting people to do things etc. Most people are nice, they're not going to say anything but 'sure' most of the time. I know it's easy to say 'stop being anxious' but you really just need to employ a mixture of caring less and realising that there's less to be anxious about than you thought.

    (Original post by Illegal Algebra)
    the least painful coping mechanism is just to accept it and get on with life. Be nice to people and let them come to you, don't chase them around. But even so, making friends is an impossible task for some people, like me.
    Well, yeah, with that attitude I expect you would find it impossible.
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    (Original post by Sereni)
    Join a few societies, this is pretty much the reason they exist in the first place. Sports societies are quite good for nights out generally, if that is less your thing look up some of the more social societies. My uni (leeds) even has societies like a quidich society and a chocolate society. The thing I find most common among people who complain they have few/no friends is that they make very little effort themselves to branch out. One of my mates is always complaining she barely has any friends at uni but as far as I can tell she makes no effort to make any.

    Hell I went to Judo soc for the first time in a year yesterday and I already got invited to a pub crawl today. Not to sound harsh or anything but uni is full of social opportunities, there are so many different ways to get involved from volunteering to societies, to just talking to people on your course to set up study groups. Its really up to you to involve yourself in the many many groups about.

    There is always a gamer society of some kind you could go to, you could get involved with one of the political societies if you feel strongly about it, many socs have movie nights etc. Be approachable, be confident, start conversations and get to know people. IMO its really an investment, you put some effort into becoming part of a group (whatever that group is) and you get the benefits of being part of that group. I get that some people struggle and are introverted by nature but thats something that you have to overcome. My younger brother struggled socially for a long time before he joined an anime society, whilst I don't claim to understand anything about anime I am glad that he now has a close group of friends.
    Agreed. For such a long time I've never taken the initiative to make friends. Some people are socially anxious. Well, it's difficult but you just have to start working on it. No friends? Join societies and go along to events such as bar crawls. Just get involved, don't pass up on opportunities by making excuses and make opportunities to meet people. Also, there's nothing wrong with putting yourself out there, wanting to meet new people and make new friends, it's what everyone with friends does.
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hey guys,

    I'm not really sure how to start this, I'm just sort of wondering if anyone else is in a similar position to me.

    I'm 21 (female) and have no friends (I know how pathetic that sounds). I'm in my second year at uni and it's so miserable having to attend lectures and seminars alone, it feels like it must be really obvious to other people how alone I am and it's embarrassing. I have tried hard to connect with others but I have terrible social anxiety, making it pretty difficult, and the people I have spoken with/met online always seem to get bored with me very quickly. I'm not sure what to do.

    Interests: Gaming, social justice, feminism, movies etc
    (Original post by Illegal Algebra)
    No I'm not saying that! Haha. I'm not saying people must be alone, I'm not saying it's wrong to have friends. Having friends might be the norm for most people (including you) but not for everyone. For example, I've never had a single friend in 23 years, I don't know anyone, I don't talk to anyone. In my experience, the least painful coping mechanism is just to accept it and get on with life. Be nice to people and let them come to you, don't chase them around. But even so, making friends is an impossible task for some people, like me. And I really do mean impossible. It's not a big deal though, it's nothing. You get used to it, then you get over it.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    ^ Second this is me, really mildly autistic, 16 and the way my life was I just never had any friends ( really) I mean a have a few that are sort of friends but yeah really I have no friends.

    (Original post by hugobristol1994)
    I found it was the same when I went to uni, so much so in my second year I moved back home and lived with my parents, overtime I gradually went to various societies and events which i was interested in and over time I built friendships. Also you uni may have a counseling service, I find that they are great and help put things in perspective and help build your confidence.
    ^ what societies and events, I need abit more friends tbh,
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    Hello

    I just wanted to say you are so not alone, I am 21 years old, female and have Asperger's, I struggle so much with socializing, I tend to do better online honestly... I found when I started at college, people tended to use me then get bored, were actively ashamed to be seen with me -_- I love gaming actually too it is not pathetic at all.. people tend to be self absorbed these days... I know how lonely it can be, especially since leaving college I have discovered how alone I am actually.. I have "friends on facebook" but no real "friends" i.e. people who really act like a friend ya know? if you ever want to chat, you are more than welcome to drop me a private message ^_^

    ~Sam~

    ps: at my college they had a gaming society, but know how hard it is to mix with a new group either way I wish you luck... (my last month at college, I actually got to know all the hiding places at college.. as people can be daunting :/ )

    pps: you are not pathetic. anyone can go through a hard time, to me your post shows a strength of character in trying to reach out to people
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Samwin)
    Hello

    I just wanted to say you are so not alone, I am 21 years old, female and have Asperger's, I struggle so much with socializing, I tend to do better online honestly... I found when I started at college, people tended to use me then get bored, were actively ashamed to be seen with me -_- I love gaming actually too it is not pathetic at all.. people tend to be self absorbed these days... I know how lonely it can be, especially since leaving college I have discovered how alone I am actually.. I have "friends on facebook" but no real "friends" i.e. people who really act like a friend ya know? if you ever want to chat, you are more than welcome to drop me a private message ^_^

    ~Sam~

    ps: at my college they had a gaming society, but know how hard it is to mix with a new group either way I wish you luck... (my last month at college, I actually got to know all the hiding places at college.. as people can be daunting :/ )

    pps: you are not pathetic. anyone can go through a hard time, to me your post shows a strength of character in trying to reach out to people

    This is me except I have auditory processing I do sort of have/had irl friends but yeah really no friends and i'm better online ;D
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hey guys,

    I'm not really sure how to start this, I'm just sort of wondering if anyone else is in a similar position to me.

    I'm 21 (female) and have no friends (I know how pathetic that sounds). I'm in my second year at uni and it's so miserable having to attend lectures and seminars alone, it feels like it must be really obvious to other people how alone I am and it's embarrassing. I have tried hard to connect with others but I have terrible social anxiety, making it pretty difficult, and the people I have spoken with/met online always seem to get bored with me very quickly. I'm not sure what to do.

    Interests: Gaming, social justice, feminism, movies etc
    Having no friends is better than having bad friends, any day.
 
 
 
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