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    HELP HELP HELP....ok i can't even begin to feel how AWFUL i feel... ok, here goes.. I had the BEST first term of uni.. it was so much fun.. i was doing so well at my course, made some amazing friends,was 'seeing' a new guy and + i honestly was having the time of my life. i came back after the xmas holidays which were also amazing. when i got back to uni i made a few mistakes as i stupidly pulled a couple of people when i was drunk, got affected by a group of cliquey girls + somehow 'convinced' myself my friends were against me (which i later found out was totally untrue) + i went totally off the rails...i

    started phoning + seriously worrying my parents telling them i hated it + i got depressed at boarding school when i was 16 my parents told me to go to the doctor...so at the same time i tried to hide it from my friends... and ahhh.. it was a total nightmare cuz i knew i wasn't seriously depressed, i knew it was just me getting stupidly jealous over friendships and imagining that i had a bad reputation......instead of being open, i was telling my parents that i was having a bad time but then trying to appear 'happy' on the outside... then all my energy went into worrying about if anyone could tell i was 'depressed.'

    Eventually i admitted i was feeling a bit depressed.. but didn't really give a reason because i didn't want to say i felt slightly left out and that i felt i had gained a bad rep. for treating a few guys badly... + i kept telling more and more stupid lies and excuses when i should have just been honest...then i became paranoid about everything that people thought i was 'mentally ill' worrying about that cuz people kept watchin me at dinner and stuff + then everyone thought i was on the verge of anorexia because i wasnt eating as much.. and ahhh..EVEN THOUGH I KNEW I WASN'T.. AGGGHHH.. I WISH I HAD BEEN HONEST...honestly, the whole thing was so embarassing just cuz i knew i wasn't being true to myself..

    i then totally withdrew from everything + started thinking everyone thought i was really boring + odd.. i stopped organising myself and couldnt concentrate on having a conversation as i was too busy worrying about everyone thinking i was strange or whatever....i started apologising to people for being a bad friend...it was totally ridiculous...i was sooo embarassed about my behaviour!!!! then i went home for 3 weeks and got into the pattern of running away every time something bad went wrong..or i felt slightly vulnerable or judged..... it's like it was my aim to run away....in the end i ended up deferring a year......

    anyway, after i left all my mates who id been convinced didnt like me actually did.. and that the whole thing was totally imaginary... + i was just being soo paranoid and stupid.... im REGRETTING IT SO MUCH.. I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE.. IM GOING BACK IN SEPTEMBER 2 THE SAME UNI.. BUT HONESTLY I THINK I'M NEVER GOING TO BE THE SAME AGAIN..I'VE LET MYSELF DOWN SOOO MUCH + LOST LOADS OF INTEGRITY...AND JUST COMPLETELY EMBARASSED MYSELF AT UNI WHICH WAS MY WORST NIGHTMARE.... IM SOOO UNDERCONFIDENT JUST BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE THE BIGGEST LIAR ON EARTH.. I KNOW THAT RE-DOING A YEAR OF UNI ISN'T A BIG DEAL AND LOADS OF PEOPLE DO IT.....but i honestly i can't face anyone anymore.. im totally living in the past + remembering all the good things about uni...+ how happy + confident i was b4 i started inventing problems....im actually worried about the permenant damage im doing to myself.. instead of using this time practically im sitting at home dwelling on everything that's happened and i've kind of stopped living my life because im so ashamed and mad at myself for letting a few bad days in january and my own stupid mistakes spiral into 5 months of hell + regret...I SHOULD NEVER HAVE LEFT UNI....

    .. i can't focus on ANYTHING except myself + how stupid ive been...... and im so worried.. i honestly am.. ...all i want to do is sit at home and regret stuff and blame myself.....i used to be SO OUTGOING AND SOCIAL...i used to LOVE partying and having fun and i would always be laughing and joking around. my friends mean sooo much to me... and now im on the point of feeling suicidal which is really scaring me. my parents are completely fed up with me + i feel so ungrateful because they've been sweet enough to let me re-start in september.. but all i keep doing is going on about the past....
    im so worried about going back to a place where people might think im strange cuz im actually a totally normal, fun person underneath all this ****!!!


    PLEASE PLEASE can someone suggest something useful + practical i can do until september where im out meeting people... and i kinda want to get away from home because sitting here feeling depressed isn't getting me anywhere... im so low, im just being a total puppy dog to my parents which is so embarassing and humiliating... i have no motivation, all i wanna do is turn back time + be back at uni being normal!!!!! this whole thing has been completely self-inflicted...and i have no-one to blame but myself and my stupid imagination.. but i can't stop torturing myself mentally for making the biggest mistake of my entire life.... please please help me.. any advice would be so grateful!!! xx
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    I think that you should get a job....i would suggest working in a pub or a restaurant as this keeps you busy all the time, its fun and you don't have time to think about much else! However, if you wanted to get away from home, then you could get a seasonal job at a holiday park, or even abroad if you wanted to. There are seasonal rep jobs abroad, or you could work for someone like eurocamp. However, if you want to stay in this country but move away from home, then I would suggest a holiday park or hotel somewhere- maybe by the coast?? Have a search around on the net and get some phone numbers- then phone them up and ask them if they have any jobs going....then you can take it from there.

    It sounds like you just need something to do- so my advice to you would be to get a job and put your heart and soul into that until it is time for you to go back to uni. You just need to take your mind off things, dwelling on them will only make things worse....

    Even if you got a job near to home, i think things would improve with your parents as they would see that you are doing something and getting on with things. The advantage of a job would also be that you could save up lots of lovely money for uni!!

    Hope this is of some help to you....

    Ruthie
    xxxx
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    (Original post by natalia)
    HELP HELP HELP....ok i can't even begin to feel how AWFUL i feel... ok, here goes.. I had the BEST first term of uni.. it was so much fun.. i was doing so well at my course, made some amazing friends,was 'seeing' a new guy and + i honestly was having the time of my life. i came back after the xmas holidays which were also amazing. when i got back to uni i made a few mistakes as i stupidly pulled a couple of people when i was drunk, got affected by a group of cliquey girls + somehow 'convinced' myself my friends were against me (which i later found out was totally untrue) + i went totally off the rails...i

    started phoning + seriously worrying my parents telling them i hated it + i got depressed at boarding school when i was 16 my parents told me to go to the doctor...so at the same time i tried to hide it from my friends... and ahhh.. it was a total nightmare cuz i knew i wasn't seriously depressed, i knew it was just me getting stupidly jealous over friendships and imagining that i had a bad reputation......instead of being open, i was telling my parents that i was having a bad time but then trying to appear 'happy' on the outside... then all my energy went into worrying about if anyone could tell i was 'depressed.'

    Eventually i admitted i was feeling a bit depressed.. but didn't really give a reason because i didn't want to say i felt slightly left out and that i felt i had gained a bad rep. for treating a few guys badly... + i kept telling more and more stupid lies and excuses when i should have just been honest...then i became paranoid about everything that people thought i was 'mentally ill' worrying about that cuz people kept watchin me at dinner and stuff + then everyone thought i was on the verge of anorexia because i wasnt eating as much.. and ahhh..EVEN THOUGH I KNEW I WASN'T.. AGGGHHH.. I WISH I HAD BEEN HONEST...honestly, the whole thing was so embarassing just cuz i knew i wasn't being true to myself..

    i then totally withdrew from everything + started thinking everyone thought i was really boring + odd.. i stopped organising myself and couldnt concentrate on having a conversation as i was too busy worrying about everyone thinking i was strange or whatever....i started apologising to people for being a bad friend...it was totally ridiculous...i was sooo embarassed about my behaviour!!!! then i went home for 3 weeks and got into the pattern of running away every time something bad went wrong..or i felt slightly vulnerable or judged..... it's like it was my aim to run away....in the end i ended up deferring a year......

    anyway, after i left all my mates who id been convinced didnt like me actually did.. and that the whole thing was totally imaginary... + i was just being soo paranoid and stupid.... im REGRETTING IT SO MUCH.. I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE.. IM GOING BACK IN SEPTEMBER 2 THE SAME UNI.. BUT HONESTLY I THINK I'M NEVER GOING TO BE THE SAME AGAIN..I'VE LET MYSELF DOWN SOOO MUCH + LOST LOADS OF INTEGRITY...AND JUST COMPLETELY EMBARASSED MYSELF AT UNI WHICH WAS MY WORST NIGHTMARE.... IM SOOO UNDERCONFIDENT JUST BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE THE BIGGEST LIAR ON EARTH.. I KNOW THAT RE-DOING A YEAR OF UNI ISN'T A BIG DEAL AND LOADS OF PEOPLE DO IT.....but i honestly i can't face anyone anymore.. im totally living in the past + remembering all the good things about uni...+ how happy + confident i was b4 i started inventing problems....im actually worried about the permenant damage im doing to myself.. instead of using this time practically im sitting at home dwelling on everything that's happened and i've kind of stopped living my life because im so ashamed and mad at myself for letting a few bad days in january and my own stupid mistakes spiral into 5 months of hell + regret...I SHOULD NEVER HAVE LEFT UNI....

    .. i can't focus on ANYTHING except myself + how stupid ive been...... and im so worried.. i honestly am.. ...all i want to do is sit at home and regret stuff and blame myself.....i used to be SO OUTGOING AND SOCIAL...i used to LOVE partying and having fun and i would always be laughing and joking around. my friends mean sooo much to me... and now im on the point of feeling suicidal which is really scaring me. my parents are completely fed up with me + i feel so ungrateful because they've been sweet enough to let me re-start in september.. but all i keep doing is going on about the past....
    im so worried about going back to a place where people might think im strange cuz im actually a totally normal, fun person underneath all this ****!!!


    PLEASE PLEASE can someone suggest something useful + practical i can do until september where im out meeting people... and i kinda want to get away from home because sitting here feeling depressed isn't getting me anywhere... im so low, im just being a total puppy dog to my parents which is so embarassing and humiliating... i have no motivation, all i wanna do is turn back time + be back at uni being normal!!!!! this whole thing has been completely self-inflicted...and i have no-one to blame but myself and my stupid imagination.. but i can't stop torturing myself mentally for making the biggest mistake of my entire life.... please please help me.. any advice would be so grateful!!! xx
    I seem to remember reading this twice before
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    go on a gap activity project for a month or so - theres plenty of reasonable ones, u can go abroad, new people and looks good on CV
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    I think your being too analytical. You think about things far too deeply. My advice would be just to get out there and talk to as many people as possible one way or another. Maybe even get in touch with those friends you had at uni again. Being around people will help bring back your old self. If you sit around and dwell then nothing will improve!
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    I think you need a holiday.
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    I think you need to shut up.

    Why have you posted this three times? :rolleyes:
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    I had simular problems like you about two years ago.. being depressed and far too paraniod... I started getting lazy, just watching the TV and stuff, remembering the good old times when I was really active, the smartest kid in school...ect. I kept thinking everyone, absolutely everyone is watching me and staring at, that all things were somehow related to me...I felt like being on the Truman show.. And even though I felt as boring as hell, my friends started to be too stereotype for me..not doing anything new..and I also started thinking they don't like me or something...
    I decided there's something that must be done...so I started doing new hobbies, like photography, I had always wanted to do it, so I just thought why not..although most of the ppl at the course sucked, I made a few new friends and started to get to know them better. I also went back to snowboarding which I loved and started competing in it..I guess that helped me the most..because I started being really successful and got into the Czech Quiksilver team, which really raised my confidence.
    Today I hang out with my old friends, try to understand their points of view and be tolerant, though it's sometimes difficult, and I love them very much...
    I'm still paranoid, but it's getting better..I just keep the paranioa to myself, don't talk about it with others, because I know that they'll try to understand, but won't fully.. It sometimes gets into extremes, after having a bad day ect..but still I try to cope with it..
    I never went to a doctor, so I don't know if he can help, but I think it's best changing your life a little, meeting new ppl..just get enough courage and try it..
    Good luck..
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    (Original post by pepper)
    I think you need to shut up.

    Why have you posted this three times? :rolleyes:
    Because she needs help, stupid
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    hey guys!
    im so sorry i keep posting the same kinda thing.. it's just getting to me soooo much.. thnx loads for the advice, means a lot, now i need to just get my ass into gear + stop dwelling on the past!! thnx!xx
 
 
 
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