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Moving in with boyfriend whilst at uni
I'm a fresher, but its reached the point where we're starting to think about houses for next year (we have to live out in second year.)
Thing is, I've got a boyfriend back home (about 4 hours away) who I've been with for 2 years, and I love very much. However, he suggested that he moves down and lives with me (in a student house) next year. Before I went, I loved the idea, as I knew I'd miss him, and was scared I wouldn't have made friends, so I encouraged this idea. Trouble is now, I have made friends, and although I love my boyfriend and as far as I'm concerned, want to be with him for as far as I can see into the future, I can't help thinking that if he moves in, I won't really have a proper student life. He's 21 and has already been to uni.
What are peoples' opinions on this? Could I have a normal student life if he moved in? And more to the point, if I decided against, how the hell do I tell him without really, really hurting him. It was such a sweet gesture, offering to move out, give up his job, and leave his family to be with me.
I know its my own fault for intially encouraging the idea, but I'm really torn now as to whether its a good idea.
Thing is, I've got a boyfriend back home (about 4 hours away) who I've been with for 2 years, and I love very much. However, he suggested that he moves down and lives with me (in a student house) next year. Before I went, I loved the idea, as I knew I'd miss him, and was scared I wouldn't have made friends, so I encouraged this idea. Trouble is now, I have made friends, and although I love my boyfriend and as far as I'm concerned, want to be with him for as far as I can see into the future, I can't help thinking that if he moves in, I won't really have a proper student life. He's 21 and has already been to uni.
What are peoples' opinions on this? Could I have a normal student life if he moved in? And more to the point, if I decided against, how the hell do I tell him without really, really hurting him. It was such a sweet gesture, offering to move out, give up his job, and leave his family to be with me.
I know its my own fault for intially encouraging the idea, but I'm really torn now as to whether its a good idea.
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Anonymous
Could I have a normal student life if he moved in? And more to the point, if I decided against, how the hell do I tell him without really, really hurting him. It was such a sweet gesture, offering to move out, give up his job, and leave his family to be with me.
I think you could have a normal life deffinitely. Surely you could still go out and get drunk and silly with friends because you'd be faithful to your boyfriend anyway? Hmmm. Maybe it would be different since he's already done uni but at 21 he's hardly past it himself?
If you decide against it just tell him using the reasons above, you don't want him to move out and get rid of his job just for you. If you want to be with him for the foreseeable future and are that close then he surely wouldn't have a problem with you saying so?
coloursonthetv
I think you could have a normal life deffinitely. Surely you could still go out and get drunk and silly with friends because you'd be faithful to your boyfriend anyway? Hmmm. Maybe it would be different since he's already done uni but at 21 he's hardly past it himself?
If you decide against it just tell him using the reasons above, you don't want him to move out and get rid of his job just for you. If you want to be with him for the foreseeable future and are that close then he surely wouldn't have a problem with you saying so?
If you decide against it just tell him using the reasons above, you don't want him to move out and get rid of his job just for you. If you want to be with him for the foreseeable future and are that close then he surely wouldn't have a problem with you saying so?
how would you not be able to have a student life if he lived with you? It's not like you're going to go round pulling random blokes!
If you're serious about each other, then it's inevitable that you'll live together at some point. Living with your boyfriend will have it's challenges whatever your situation, but ultimately if you really love and understand each other then you'll be able to deal with the challenges. On the other hand, If in reality you're not so well matched, then living together will expose the cracks.
I've lived a girlfriend who was an undergrad and I'd just graduated, I don't think it interfiered with her student life - but I was essentially a student as I was the year above at the same uni. Although we're not together now (still good friends), living together was a good experience.
I've lived a girlfriend who was an undergrad and I'd just graduated, I don't think it interfiered with her student life - but I was essentially a student as I was the year above at the same uni. Although we're not together now (still good friends), living together was a good experience.
You do know your ENTIRE HOUSE will get charged council tax if you have someone living with you who isn't a student? That alone is reason not to!
Plus, have you asked the friends you would be living with how they would feel about living with you+your boyfriend? Living with a couple is really difficult. I lived with one last year (or practically lived with one, when she moved him in almost fully apart from him contributing to any bills
). The couple are all over each other at least some of the time, and frankly, it made the rest of us in the house feel uncomfortable and like we couldn't relax.
I know you can't imagine it now but if you broke up that could also cause real problems.
I'm sorry to sound so negative but for practical and emotional reasons this just has 'NO' written all over it. How happy would your new housemates be at the addition of yet another bill - council tax!!!
Plus, have you asked the friends you would be living with how they would feel about living with you+your boyfriend? Living with a couple is really difficult. I lived with one last year (or practically lived with one, when she moved him in almost fully apart from him contributing to any bills
). The couple are all over each other at least some of the time, and frankly, it made the rest of us in the house feel uncomfortable and like we couldn't relax.I know you can't imagine it now but if you broke up that could also cause real problems.
I'm sorry to sound so negative but for practical and emotional reasons this just has 'NO' written all over it. How happy would your new housemates be at the addition of yet another bill - council tax!!!
If you're going to move in with him, the only way to do it would be for the two of you to live together without anyone else.
I would suggest that before any decisions are made, your b/f looks at the jobs available in the area where you're at uni, to see if there's anything there he can apply for. Also, you'll want to go home to your family in the holidays, and he won't be able to do that because he'll only have 20 to 25 days holiday a year. I think it would be advisable to suggest to him that he stays at home with the secure job he's got, and that you'll see as much of each other as you can, but not to move in together until you've finished at uni and have a full-time job of your own.
I would suggest that before any decisions are made, your b/f looks at the jobs available in the area where you're at uni, to see if there's anything there he can apply for. Also, you'll want to go home to your family in the holidays, and he won't be able to do that because he'll only have 20 to 25 days holiday a year. I think it would be advisable to suggest to him that he stays at home with the secure job he's got, and that you'll see as much of each other as you can, but not to move in together until you've finished at uni and have a full-time job of your own.
Ive lived with my bf through uni and its not caused any problems, I still go out and do what I want with my friends, go to work etc.
If you both want it then I cant see why it wouldnt work, just make him aware that you still want your space.
You can get a 25% discount on council tax too if youre a student living with someone else. Im not sure if your bf will be able to live in student accomodation not being a student, it depends on the landlord, so you might want to check that. Otherwise you'll have to rent something private.
If you both want it then I cant see why it wouldnt work, just make him aware that you still want your space.
You can get a 25% discount on council tax too if youre a student living with someone else. Im not sure if your bf will be able to live in student accomodation not being a student, it depends on the landlord, so you might want to check that. Otherwise you'll have to rent something private.
A normal student life? You think he'd stop you from shagging around if he lives with you!? In this case do you really want to be with him.
Me and my bf are thinking of moving in together after my first year (he's in the year above at a nearby uni, we're both in London) We'll be moving in with some of our friends from my year, so it's not going to affect my "student life", I'll be living with some of the girls I live with in Halls now, and livings with my bf too. It also gives us more time to figure out if this is definitely the right decision to make for us.
Me and my bf are thinking of moving in together after my first year (he's in the year above at a nearby uni, we're both in London) We'll be moving in with some of our friends from my year, so it's not going to affect my "student life", I'll be living with some of the girls I live with in Halls now, and livings with my bf too. It also gives us more time to figure out if this is definitely the right decision to make for us.
i would suggest moving in with your bf in your 3 year. give yourself 2 years to settle. i was in the same situation as you pretty much but am glad we gave ourselves the extra year to settle.
but fully agree with your first point. 'student life'. gets me so angry.
but fully agree with your first point. 'student life'. gets me so angry.
If he moves in it might be only him that has to pay the counicl tax. In our area the students are completely exempt and essentially don't exist so only one person in our house has to pay it. Of course as we are all so nice we offered to pay a contribution towards it otherwise she has a £1000 bill... Anyway you might be best checking with your council regarding this!
my bfs 26 and he still enjoys the student lifestyle 
Angelil
Plus, have you asked the friends you would be living with how they would feel about living with you+your boyfriend? Living with a couple is really difficult. I lived with one last year (or practically lived with one, when she moved him in almost fully apart from him contributing to any bills ). The couple are all over each other at least some of the time, and frankly, it made the rest of us in the house feel uncomfortable and like we couldn't relax.
Plus, have you asked the friends you would be living with how they would feel about living with you+your boyfriend? Living with a couple is really difficult. I lived with one last year (or practically lived with one, when she moved him in almost fully apart from him contributing to any bills
). The couple are all over each other at least some of the time, and frankly, it made the rest of us in the house feel uncomfortable and like we couldn't relax.Not all couples are like that!
The guy I'm seeing moved in to my student house this year because he needed somewhere to stay (He had a bitch of a landlady). It's been great because we get to spend a lot of time together and he's mates with my housemates anyway. Of course there are the tiny little rows that all housemates have from time to time but it hasn't been a major problem.
When it comes to sitting in the living room together the most we do is him putting his arm round me. I've asked the others if even just this makes them feel awkward and of course it doesn't.
OP - I don't think your boyfriend should move in to a student house with you, mainly because of the Council Tax problem. Also what do you mean about a "normal student life"? Unless he's boring and bossy nothing should change when it comes to doing things with your friends. If he's going to tell you what you can and cannot do then he's not worth being with at all.
CheesyBeans
Not all couples are like that!
The guy I'm seeing moved in to my student house this year because he needed somewhere to stay (He had a bitch of a landlady). It's been great because we get to spend a lot of time together and he's mates with my housemates anyway. Of course there are the tiny little rows that all housemates have from time to time but it hasn't been a major problem.
When it comes to sitting in the living room together the most we do is him putting his arm round me. I've asked the others if even just this makes them feel awkward and of course it doesn't.
The guy I'm seeing moved in to my student house this year because he needed somewhere to stay (He had a bitch of a landlady). It's been great because we get to spend a lot of time together and he's mates with my housemates anyway. Of course there are the tiny little rows that all housemates have from time to time but it hasn't been a major problem.
When it comes to sitting in the living room together the most we do is him putting his arm round me. I've asked the others if even just this makes them feel awkward and of course it doesn't.
Of course all couples aren't, but we don't know the OP, so thought I'd mention it just to be on the safe side.
to the OP - surely if you're that much in love you can wait another 2 years to move in together?
Oh, and cheers to the loser who neg repped me by the way. Not.
By all means if it's what you both want go for it, but you will both be under each other's feet alot and you will need your own personal space.
I'm thinking if you're not sure, then don't do it...
If you're that close then you'll move in together after uni, won't you? so why rush it?
student life doesn't nessissarily meanshagging and drinking. I'm torn between going to the uni my byfriend is at or the one i was originally planning to go to, because living with my boyf wold be great, but so would learning to live on my own. More dependace and so on - you know you're on your own. It's a hard decision. Make sure you're making it for the right reasons - not because of how he feels or you being afraid of telling him or dragging him away from family etc.
student life doesn't nessissarily meanshagging and drinking. I'm torn between going to the uni my byfriend is at or the one i was originally planning to go to, because living with my boyf wold be great, but so would learning to live on my own. More dependace and so on - you know you're on your own. It's a hard decision. Make sure you're making it for the right reasons - not because of how he feels or you being afraid of telling him or dragging him away from family etc.
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