The Student Room Group

It was only one incident

When I was 10 (girl) I was assaulted by a neighbour because I accidentally bumped into his child in play. She wasn't hurt just cried a little and got up. I don't know what was wrong with him maybe he was stressed with work or something but his reaction was really extreme considering I was 10 and what I did was completely accidental. He gripped my clothes under my neck and shouted in my face that I was a stupid little cow. What I did was completely accidental and it was obvious to the other kids who witnessed, they said so. But no other adults were present.

After that I didn't want to go out of the house and I'd hide whenever I saw him. He noticed and started trying to seek me out to apologise. I found this scary. And one time when I was sat on a wall in the street with one of my friends he asked what we were just talking about as he drove up because it was obvious I was saying something about him.

On the day when the actual incident happened I was balling my eyes out crying afterwards. I ran to my parents to tell them what happened with one of the other children. My dad was friends with the guy so he didn't do anything just had a mild chat with him. He just left it. And for years I felt like it was so unjust, like he just got away with it.

In our street we're probably the least well off and it's quite a middle class area. I already felt pretty conscious before that happened but afterwards my confidence dropped even lower.

Now I'm an adult I still live with my parents and I recently found out he cheated on his wife and he's left the street and found another woman and he's wealthy, he always has been. This is ridiculous I know it shouldn't affect me at all because it was so long ago but it just makes me feel like I should have reported him or done something more than just hide out in the house all depressed. Because now he's won and I'm crippled and messed up from life and still poor and depressed.

Just wanted to vent. Thanks x
Hi

Traumatic things that happen to us as a child can have a long lasting impact on us as adults. It sounds like what happened was a total accident and not your fault at all and this man really over-reacted. Whether he was stressed or not or whether that was a typical reaction for him is irrelevant. Adults should not behave that way to a child and being abusive is always a choice. I can understand why that encounter was really scary for you.

It must have been hard to be brave and tell your parents and to feel nothing really happened. That sense of an unjust outcome is also upsetting and makes it hard to move on from the incident.

Try not to link this incident with other things in your life like economic status. I know it's hard that he has now behaved badly again by having an affair and the fact that he is wealthy reinforces the idea that he has not paid for what he did but these things are not linked. Just because he is wealthy, he may not be happy.

Try to focus on what you do have and what you can look forward to in your life. You can choose the direction your life takes from here. It may be that you will benefit from some counselling to be able to let go of what happened.

I hope talking about it has helped a little bit at least,
take care
Jo

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