strong feelings for ex

basically i broke up with my ex because we didn't have a choice- believe me its complicated and we were both really upset about it. I have seen him a couple of times and when we are together its like we are a couple again but i know that we won't be together again. Recently, just as i was starting to get over him he told me that he had been in an accident and since then i worry about him because he said he had to have surgery. He also recently told me that he still loves me and cares for me. I don't know what I'm goin to do because now i love him so much and want to be with him again but he won't be able to have a relationship again till may. We txted till 3am the other night and we have had some fun whenever we meet, do you think there's any hope that we will get back together again in may? I just want to be with him so much and he has told me things that he neva wanted to admit and now i miss him sooooo much.
Any advice would be great

Reply 1

username47781

Why are you waiting till may to get back together if you want him back now and he wants you what's stopping you now.

Reply 2

FadedJade

We can't answer you without knowing why you cant be together now.

Reply 3

apricot

he's trying to get into cambridge uni and he goes to a private school where he does some other sort of exams which are harder than A levels. his parents also don't want him to have any distractions and i wasn't too popular with them wen we were goin out lol. i don't know if he wants the same thing he just says that he loves me

Reply 4

username47781

Well surely he is old enough to make his own decisions now.

Reply 5

apricot

i wasnt even allowed to sleep the night! The only time i did was wen his parents n sis were away....neway back to the main question lol. he said it was a hard decision n our last nite as a couple was really hard especially wen he started crying

Reply 6

scribble_girl

Lots of parents aren't keen on having people stay the night, I'm year 13 but asking my parents to have someone stay is the unthinkable =///

Cambridge and relationships aren't necessarily exclusive, and whilst it helps having parental approval, it's not essential, especially if you're older & they can't physically stop you.
I say that you could get back together, but you have to be understanding and accept that if he's driven, work comes first.
It could work out, you sound really committed.. you need to have an adult conversation about your feelings, and how it would work, practically. If you care about each other, you can find a way to make it work.
Best of luck x

Reply 7

FadedJade

yeah, ifhe's at private school he's probably doing IB, which is broader but not necessarily harder than Alevels, but thats irrelevant. Don't think anything of not being able to stay the night, I'd been with my bf over a year and he still wasnt allowed to stay. I'm nearly 20 and I'm only just allowed a boy to stay over now!

Not only is between now and May a long time, its also utterly ridiculous. At Cambridge we do actually have some sort of social life and quite a lot of us manage relationships on top of work and all the rest of it. The workload is also significantly higher than it was at school. Does this mean he wont be allowed to have a social life when he's at uni either? You need to talk to him and find out what he wants. Work is just an excuse, there's no reason whatsoever why he cant work hard and have a girlfriend. He can't use his parents as an excuse, he's a big boy now and can make his own decisions. Seriously, he needs to decide what he wants. Its gonna be a lot harder if you get back together in May and he's going to be going off to uni.

Reply 8

apricot

im goin to uni as well but we were only together for a short time and he seems to be under a lot of pressure at the moment. mayb he is jus using it as an excuse but i don't know how to tell him and i jus dont want to be in tht situation where he doesnt feel the same way i know theres only one way to find out. we sneaked out at 1am to see each other and we txted till 3am on another night, im hoping these are signs that he still feels the same way but i just cnt read guys minds

Reply 9

Jennybean

It may be that he is using the exams/parents as an excuse but equally this could be really hard for him and if he is to be believed, and still wants you, then surely you two being apart is going to be more of a distraction and a cause of stress in his life than being a couple? Woo long sentence. If you want this to be an adult relationship and to make things work then you need to stop fooling around when you see him and texting into the night. Instead sit down in a quiet, neutral environment such as over coffee and have a proper talk about your feelings for each other and the next practical step forward. There are always going to be circumstances which threaten relationships and his parents/exams at this stage may well just be the beginning. What about if he gets into Cambridge? He'll have plenty of work there. And the natural progression will be a top career, which will also be stressful and a drain on his time. Part of growing up is learning to balance your life and work out solutions to problems within your relationships, rather than looking for quick fixes such as "we'll get back together in May". I hope you sort things out :smile:

Reply 10

username47781

He could geniunely have pressure from his parents.

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

Sounds to me like you both feel like you still want something!!!!! You should tell him to the way ya feel yourself as he has and carry on from there!!! its up to him though really to decide what he wants to do, if you live far away you could catch trains and meet up on weekends and stuff. OK yeah he might have to put in more effort for oxbridge but he has to have a life outside school work. he may even be unhappy because he cant see you as much as he'd like, and this might distract him from his work. Im at uni and i have a gf myself, but we still make it work, we know how we both feel and meet up every 2 or so weeks. Is going great so far and we have no problems at all. May is an awful long time to wait to be honest, if you wait that long i dont think it will work, you will talk to eachother less and less and gradually grow apart. You may meet someone else yes, but they will never be the same person as them who you are with now. Its up to you both really to decide what you want!!!!!

Reply 12

apricot

he told me that he would try and see me wenever he could n he lives only 10mins away from me but he gets stressed easily n if he didn't keep fallin asleep at stupid times thn mayb we cud hv a chance. he said that he wudnt b a gd bf cos we wudnt b able to see each other a lot and that is the only reason we broke up. i remember we i was at his place once wen we were still together, we had driven up together to see oxford uni n he eventually fell asleep at home so i stayed in his room and his mum was shouting at him that he should be revising. tbh i don't think we are goin to get bk together no matter how much i want it because he hasn't hinted nething.

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