Should I tell my mum?

My sister is 18 and has started uni in England (we live in southern Ireland). My mum had loads of probs with her when she was still at school with sneaking out, lying and just being deceitful. She hoped my sis would grow up at uni. Well I was reading her bebo page and it turns out she came home to Ireland at the weekend to see her friends/go out, without saying a thing to my mum. My mum even rang her at the weekend and she pretended she was still in England. Part of me thinks, she's 18 and its her business but I know I could never be so sneaky. I would have told my mum the truth. I don't know whether to ignore it or tell my mum. I hate the fact that my sister is such a liar. To make it even worse my mum has given her money for uni and she spent it flying home. This is money I needed for books since my loan is a pittance, and she gave it to my sister, so I am really annoyed because of that as well.
I know if I tell my mum she would be upset at my sister not wanting to see her, and just seeing her friends, and she would be really annoyed. She has no idea how much of a liar my sister really is. So that makes me not want to tell her. But I talk to my mum a lot on the phone and I'm going to find it difficult when she talks about my sis coping so well in England. what should i do?

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Reply 1

username47781

Yes i would tell her what your sister has done.

Reply 2

ashy

Reply 3

Dimez

Speak to your sister to rectify her bad ways. Naturally, easier said than done (especially if you're the younger sibling).

Reply 4

emsy88

why were you on her bebo page? I would confront her about it and then maybe tell your mum. I am not sure if she has been decietful, unthoughtful yes, selfish yes. She is 18 and there may be a legitimate reason why she didnt want to or didnt see your family. Ask her before you do anything to 'rock the boat' so to speak.

Reply 5

Danny the Geezer

All you can do is try to speak with her and if that doesn't work tell your mum.

Reply 6

emsy88

oh and I know its hard but try not to get too annoyed when you do it either :p:

Reply 7

Juno

What do you want to achieve by telling your mum?

Reply 8

dyslexic_banana

I don't honestly see any reason to tell your mum; I mean, she doesn't have to see her family, when returning to Ireland. It's not as if she's broken any laws, or hurt anyone, so why cause her and your mum grief?

Reply 9

shinyhappy

I'd confront your sister, and tell her to stop spending so much of your mums money on flying without even coming to see her. Tell her if she does it again, you'll tell your mum, which will hopefully stop her, or at least make her feel a little guilty. I wouldn't tell your mum this time, it will only hurt her.

Reply 10

mc_hamster

Tell her, that is what siblings are for to get the other one in trouble.

But seriously, my sister has not been quite truthful in a lot of aspects recently and previously. I informed my mum about her drinking habits etc and it helped to an extent.

Reply 11

L i b

It's a bit thoughtless, but your sister's private life has nothing to do with her parents unless she wants to make it so.

Reply 12

la fille danse

Who is it that you want to hurt: your mum or your sister?

If the former, then tell her.

Reply 13

melonman

i wouldnt do it as it will only upset your mum. speak to your sister about it because she needs to realise what she did was wrong, and that she cant go around behaving in this way. if you tell your mum, the rift between them will grow and as much as you may hate your sister whilst you are young, she might be there for you in future and you never know, you may start to get along really well. i've realised that with my sisters as we have gotten older, and its not something i personally would ever want to be without
hope it goes well though
xXx

Reply 14

squigaletta

Difficult situation, I say talk to your sister, and tell your sister that you are considering telling your mum. To the people who say the sister has a right to do what she likes...I agree but not when she's doing it with other people's money.

Reply 15

Anonymous #1

I found out about her sneaking out and partying as well, and I told my mum about that. I was worried about my sister because she was coming home at 5am with people who had also been partying, and we have such a high rate of road fatalies here among teenagers. A girl from our school died recently while sneaking out to go to a party - her parents thought she was at home in bed when they got the news she had been killed. It annoys me that my mum seems to think my sister is so perfect because she gets good grades and stuff, when she is lying and deceitful, but thats not why I told her. I just worry about my sister because she is so immature and I am afraid of the situations she gets herself into.

I do get on well with my sister in general but she also hides all this stuff from me because she's knows she's in the wrong and that I might mention it to my mum or brother. I just feel so so sorry for my mum, she lives for us and does her best for us all the time, and it's not even like she's that strict that we have no alternative to go behind her back. I've gone ahead and done stuff my mum didn't agree with, but I've always had the guts to be upfront and honest about it. I think it's a horrible character trait to be sneaky, it's so cowardly. Now I'm worried about my mum finding out and asking me if I knew - I'd either have to admit I did, and hurt her, or lie, which I hate doing. Because I've always been so honest and reliable (I'm the oldest) my mum doesn't see that my sister isn't the same. Because my sister is the youngest my mum thinks she is so innocent and naive, she has NO idea what she gets up to.

I suppose I'll talk to my sister about it and let her know I'm not pleased. I don't think it will solve anything - she'll probably just make her Bebo page private but at least that way I won't be in the position of knowing her stupid secrets (we have Bebo friends in common and occasionally I have a look at her profile - she knows I'm on Bebo and still has her profile public)

Reply 16

foxiroxi

Leave her Bebo page open on the computer for your mum to nosey at :smile:

Reply 17

Anonymous #1

I DID once think about leaving her Bebo page open, but my mum would probably die of shock. When I found out about her behavior, I gave my mum a SUPER edited version, leaving out the worst stuff and she was still shocked and appalled. My sister appears to be such a 'goody two shoes', like she told my mum she didn't drink - why would you even do that? My mum knew I was drinking from 16 and she was fine about it. She's like Jekyll and Hyde. I know all teenagers lie to their parents a bit or 'forget' to tell them stuff, but I just think my sister is downright deceitful. She creates this fake persona or something when really she's bitchy, nasty (I've heard her talking about me to her friends about stuff I've done at home, I'd never do that), dishonest etc. I always kind of knew she was like that because she stole stuff from shops when she was really young and had no qualms about it. It's like she's missing a conscience and decency - it really worries me. Oh well, I can't really change what she's like. If she doesn't feel guilty on her own there is no point in me trying to make her, really?

Reply 18

Azzle

I'd have a word with your sister. Just say you dont think it's fair on your mum, cos it obv costs a lot to send her to uni and i think you said you're at uni aswell. Just say to her that you think she should be a bit more sensitive to money related issues and things. Perhaps suggest that if she flies back over again, she should pop in for a brew unanounced or somethin to make your mum happy.

but if it carries on, i really think you should tell your mum. Not like,if it's still goin on in a month's time. Give it say 6 months or somethin. It's likely to hurt her A LOT, but it's wasting her money really if she's going out all the time and the likes.

Reply 19

Anonymous #2

Telling her will make it worse. Just tell your sister instead the reason for this is that your sister has been in trouble in the past and she never learnt from the discipline then, if anything it could of made her worse so telling your mum will stress her out and your sister and wont acheive anything. Maybe she'll listen to you instead but try and come across as if you're on your sister's side otherwise she wont listen to you.

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