I feel I am destined to be alone forever.

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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 6 years ago
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23, female.

I received a fair bit of male attention in secondary school, but this was ignored for the most part as I wasn't interested in relationships and the thought of 'losing my innocence' scared me.

Once I started going to university, I had particularly high hopes for a meaningful relationship. But nothing. Nothing at all. Whilst all my friends were constantly getting in and out relationships, I was left in the stagnant, forever alone zone. This greatly reduced my confidence in both myself and in men. This fact grew into bitter loneliness and later, depression. I hated my university and final-year was the point where I crashed and burned. Due to doing well in second-year, I managed to get a high 2.1, marginally missing out on a first. This upset me hugely as I felt my time at this particular university was a complete waste.

After overcoming depression, things started to pick up. I got a retail job which kept me busy, I got involved in local theatre, I did a lot of voluntary work, I picked up additional hobbies (such as politics, languages, music, etc). I got offered really great internships and now I'm working as an Intern at a well-known magazine company. With all this, I hoped to meet somebody but nothing again.

I've applied to do my master's at Cambridge and I hope to meet somebody there, possibly to make up for lost times. But this seems naive - what if I don't?

I've tried online dating but it's been hopeless for a number of reasons - a guy dumped me after date 2 (despite talking with me everyday for a month) because there was 'no spark' :confused:

I really don't know what's wrong with me. Or maybe I've been unlucky? I'm told I'm attractive, I'm smart, I have a lot of interests and I have a bent sense of humour. But getting a guy I'm attracted to (and vice versa) who respects me and who I share common interests with seems like too much to ask?

Hence I feel I'm probably just destined to be forever alone.

Is there advice anyone here could muster for me?
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shawn_o1
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Be kind, friendly, polite, accepting of others' problems.
Never have a sense of entitlement, and never demand anything from anyone.

()
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Yeah dude
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Did you know only 10% of the population will be alone which, if my calculations are correct! will be only 3 people born in the same year as you, in your country, therefore meaning you have a higher chance of getting hit by a flying waffle (with somebody doing a techno waffle frisbee vine) than being alone forever

You have nothing to worry about, especially when you're that young


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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Yeah dude)
Did you know only 10% of the population will be alone which, if my calculations are correct! will be only 3 people born in the same year as you, in your country, therefore meaning you have a higher chance of getting hit by a flying waffle (with somebody doing a techno waffle frisbee vine) than being alone forever

You have nothing to worry about, especially when you're that young


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Where did you get that figure from? 10% is still a lot and maybe I'm in it.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by shawn_o1)
Be kind, friendly, polite, accepting of others' problems.
Never have a sense of entitlement, and never demand anything from anyone.

()
I'd like to think I try to be as much as possible.
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shawn_o1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'd like to think I try to be as much as possible.
Maintain that standard, do what you do best (currently) and never state that you're looking for a partner.
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Yeah dude
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Where did you get that figure from? 10% is still a lot and maybe I'm in it.
I made it up but STILL you ain't the 10 percent BOI/gurl
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Yeah dude
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(Original post by macromicro)
Not to further crush the OP's spirits, but how would that statistic ever be measured? People's personal relationships are not recorded, aside from marriage, and there are around 700k births per year in the UK so how did you arrive at the figure of 3 alone? None of what you said can be accurate, though I agree she is young and worrying unnecessarily.

Anyway, OP, your problem - and it's a very common one - is that you're fixating on and looking for relationships too much. That's what caused you to become depressed during final year and you are most likely still suffering from a hangover of that. What you have currently been doing - the volunteering, the work, the internship, the masters - this is all the solution and needs to be continued with more focus. Your goal in life should first be selfish. By this I mean everyone ought to focus on self-improvement and achievement of fundamental goals before worrying about relationships. How can you possibly be in a relationship when you are so clearly unhappy in yourself? You seem to think (and correct me if I'm wrong here) that relationships define who you are and are essentially the be all and end all, as evidenced by your depression and drop in self-worth at university, which is ludicrous. No one has gone down in history for having a relationship! Focus on what you want to achieve in life and a relationship will find you along the way. You sound very ambitious and intelligent and interesting - these are characteristics you develop through focusing on your self and this is what attracts people. The most attractive quality you can have is ambition in my opinion. People who are going places tend to turn heads.
To be honest I doubt there are many people in the history of anything that has lived that hasn't had the opportunity atleast to be with somebody, it's all about seizing the chance
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Icebaker
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Yeah same here, forever alone. No one has ever been interested in me. Same age as you but still struggling at uni, I was able not to let it affect me too much but last year things just got completely out of control. Uni is miserable, I'm hoping to come out the other side and graduate so I can finally start working. I'm hoping that when I start working, I'll be too busy to think about how lonely and sad i am. Just have to accept it and get on with life. TSR ain't gonna help you. No one can help you. You have to go through it yourself, don't let it affect you too much and just take it a day at a time. There's no advice to give you. For whatever reason, some people are just meant to be alone forever. Just have to accept it. Hold your hands up and resign to the fact.

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crozibear96
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You're only 23. You have your whole life ahead of you (cliché, I know, I'm sorry). The right guy will come along eventually. Just stop waiting for him because, remember (another cliché here, I'm so sorry), a watched pot never boils. Stop waiting and be happy, and he'll turn up when you'll least expect it.
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pamelagiggs
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Just go on with your life while waiting for your dream partner, he would definitely come but you also need to expose ypurself by joining charitable causes and putting yourself out there. Don't fall into the desperation trap and you would be fine. I believe you deserve the very best!
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