Fantasizing about girlfriend having sex with other lads

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Anonymous #1
#1
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#1
Ok people, i have a serious mental problem. I can't understand why this happens, but me and my girlfriend have been together 7 weeks now, but i just can't help it when i get into bed on my own, i fantasize about her 'doing it' with other lads, who are my mates, but i don't want this to happen i just can't help thinking about this.

I know you all think i'm wierd by this happening to me, and i don't want it to happen, so why does this happen? After i have 'finished' (if you get what i mean), i think back and think "no, why did i think of that?", and hate myself for it.

Also sometimes i get paranoid about her thinking around being my mates, i know i can trust her, but i asked her if she had seen a film, and she says "yeah, with *her cousin* and *his mate*", and for some reason i get paranoid, but then she told me she didn't really see the film, and after that i just felt stressed.

Please help me, i want to get rid of this fantasization.

Thanks so much.
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username47781
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#2
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I don't personally fantasise like that but from what i've heard it's not uncommon for many guys to think like this.
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[email protected]
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I've heard the same Carl. Don't worry mate, like we say it's not uncommon.
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Toy Soldier
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#4
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A sexual fantasy that you're not personally in??? I have never even considered that such a thing was possible. Might have to try that out.

So... like... where are you as it happens? Sitting in a chair watching? Or is it like watching on a screen? Or are you just an omnipresent 3rd party? I am intrigued.
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Chewwy
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#5
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(Original post by Anonymous)
then she told me she didn't really see the film
huh?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Toy Soldier)
A sexual fantasy that you're not personally in??? I have never even considered that such a thing was possible. Might have to try that out.

So... like... where are you as it happens? Sitting in a chair watching? Or is it like watching on a screen? Or are you just an omnipresent 3rd party? I am intrigued.
Just imagining it in my head at night in my bed. I actually find it quicker to orgasm thinking about this than thinking about myself. I don't want it to happen, when i think about it it sounds wierd, and hate myself for it.
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Anonymous #2
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It's just a thought/fantasy. My bf has told me quite openly that he fantasises about threesomes with himself, me and some of my friends, and all sorts. It doesn't bother me though, because it's not like he actually would do that, it's just a thought. It's like anal and guys - the thought is nice to them, probs cos it seems taboo, but most aren't fussed having tried it.
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ashy
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#8
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(Original post by Toy Soldier)
A sexual fantasy that you're not personally in??? I have never even considered that such a thing was possible. Might have to try that out.

So... like... where are you as it happens? Sitting in a chair watching? Or is it like watching on a screen? Or are you just an omnipresent 3rd party? I am intrigued.
lol congratulations, you just turned a guy who fantasises about other guys with his girlfriend into God. Nicely done!
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Mr. Fox
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#9
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#9
It can be difficult to fantasise perfectly (in a participatory sexual role) when you're unavoidably in a contradictory position. Imagining someone else with your girlfriend creates a completely separate, (to a certain extent) plausible scenario in which your participation as a third party would not conflict with your actual situation (alone, masturbating etc.). Judging from your reaction, I doubt the inclusion of your friends means anything beyond a factor in enhancing the reality of the situation. Therefore it's a bit like watching pornography with a voyeuristic frame of mind - your personal understanding of the participants (ie your girlfriend/mates) improving the satisfaction gained from it.

I personally find it difficult to envision my participation in real sex (I just can't convince myself suitably) so I can understand where you're coming from. It could just be that the thought of others having sex with your girlfriend excites you (not unusual) - and I've heard of otherwise committed couples actively seeking sex with others - reporting back to each other (or even arranging a foursome) for thrills. You don't have a 'serious mental problem'.
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Anonymous #3
#10
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That is very disturbing there is no use in beating around the bush mate, you have issues!!!
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Anonymous #4
#11
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He doesn't. I've done it, admittedly not thinking of my mates doing; just some generic male, pretty irrelevent anyway. I guess it's just the idea of your girl getting 'down and dirty' can be a turn on.
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Anonymous #5
#12
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#12
A lot of us have fantasies that we don't like but can't help thinking of.

It could be worse, you could be a paedophile. How disgusted must they be with themselves, eh?
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Dinendal Leralonde
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#13
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(Original post by Anonymous)
It's just a thought/fantasy. My bf has told me quite openly that he fantasises about threesomes with himself, me and some of my friends, and all sorts.
Yeah, but think about it for a sec. Threesomes with your friends is a whole lot different to fantasising about your partner sleeping with someone else. It's...disturbing. If it was a threesome fantasy, then that might be a little more normal, but it's not.
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Anonymous #3
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I just think you have a certain attraction to your mates, a simple answer maybe your bi.
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RobbieC
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#15
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#15
Perfectly normal to have a sexual fantasy that doesn't involve you...
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Sithius
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#16
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#16
This reminds me of the 'fantasize about terrorists' thread. :rolleyes:
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LadyEnglish
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#17
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#17
Are you jelaous of your friends looks? Or think your friends like your gf/your gf likes them? hmm or perhaps just imagining your gf having sex with any male turns you on. Perhaps when you're in the fantasy yourself you unconcsiouscly feel 'pressure to perform' :p: its a strange problem lol, but don't let it get in the way of your relationship x
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40550
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#18
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#18
Theres definitely some psychoanalysis behind this... but a fantasy is a fantasy. Nobody has to know. Plenty of people masturbate over something they would never admit to in company. And if you really wanna stop, find something else to turn you on
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Anonymous #1
#19
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#19
(Original post by LadyEnglish)
Are you jelaous of your friends looks? Or think your friends like your gf/your gf likes them? hmm or perhaps just imagining your gf having sex with any male turns you on. Perhaps when you're in the fantasy yourself you unconcsiouscly feel 'pressure to perform' :p: its a strange problem lol, but don't let it get in the way of your relationship x
Nah i'm not jealous about most of my friend's looks, one friend i fantasize about with my girlfriend is ginger and quite chubby, so definitely not jealous there.

One of my friends is quite good looking and sometimes i even fantasize about him with me, which i don't want either, because i know i'm not gay, i don't think im bisexual either. *Sigh* maybe i am bisexual after all. But i don't want to be.
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tomtheone
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#20
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#20
(Original post by Anonymous)
I just think you have a certain attraction to your mates, a simple answer maybe your bi.

Nah, I dont think it's that, there is not one mention of having an attraction to his mates in the fantasy. This is common for many guys, its the same sort of thing as to why some guys get turned on by wanting to be hit by whips and stuff. No-one can explain it is just a fantasy, and dont worry, theres nothing wrong with you, just that you have alternate fantasies to just sex. Also it doesn't matter if you keep it to your self.
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