Feeling lonely and like something must be wrong with me

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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 5 years ago
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This is going to sound like a whiney post, which I suppose it is in a way. But here goes anyway: due to serious health issues, I'm currently in my twenties and a fresher at university. Because I got seriously ill in my teens, I spent many years quite isolated. As a result, I've never had a boyfriend, never had sex, have never even been kissed.

I managed to make quite a lot of friends at uni already, but most of them are either girls or way younger than me. I joined a lot of clubs and societies, but whenever I talk to guys they seem completely, utterly uninterested. They're friendly, but never more than that. I don't go clubbing because I really dislike it, and am not interested in meeting someone for a one night stand. A while ago I actually went on a blind date with someone; we talked, we laughed, I thought it was all going well, but at the end of the night he left without asking my number, without asking to get in touch again, and without even properly saying goodbye. I contacted him afterwards to say I had a good time, thinking I was being paranoid - if I felt the date had gone well, then surely his strange parting was a coincidence? But he never even replied.

However arrogant it might sound, I don't get this. While I'm not very confident about my looks I know I'm not that bad looking either, and people often compliment me on how outgoing/social and nice I am. So what is it that I'm doing wrong?? Why do I give off this vibe that makes guys want to be friends with me at most? I'm at the point now where it's actually making me quite depressed; this has been happening to me for my entire life, and apart from making me feel very lonely it's messing with my confidence.


So tl;dr: I'm in my twenties and have never had a boyfriend/had sex/kissed a guy. I'm very good at making friends with girls and occasionally guys, but they never ever seem interested in more. How can I figure out what I'm doing wrong? How do people meet others in a romantic/relationship context? What would you do if you'd only ever met with disinterest?


Thanks for reading my sap story. Advice would be very much appreciated.
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shawn_o1
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#2
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Don't think about it, of course. You're definitely not going to get far if your only aim of talking to guys is to be in a relationship with one of them. (It might actually make you worse off.) A lot of girls on here say they weren't thinking about having a relationship when suddenly, this guy comes along and makes them feel very :love:
They were probably doing what they do best, what makes them feel happy, when they met their respective person(s) that became their boyfriends. So you should probably do the same
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by shawn_o1)
Don't think about it, of course. You're definitely not going to get far if your only aim of talking to guys is to be in a relationship with one of them. (It might actually make you worse off.) A lot of girls on here say they weren't thinking about having a relationship when suddenly, this guy comes along and makes them feel very :love:
They were probably doing what they do best, what makes them feel happy, when they met their respective person(s) that became their boyfriends. So you should probably do the same
Thanks for replying

I realise from the way I phrased my post it sounds like I only talk to guys with a relationship in mind, but that's not the case; in fact, I'm friends with several guys I met because of mutual interests who I see as nothing more than friends. I also didn't join a bunch of societies just with the aim of meeting someone - I'm genuinely interested in everything I do.

On the other hand, I do have to admit that I have been rather preoccupied with meeting someone lately. I feel that if someone showed just the slightest bit of interest in me, it would be better; then I'd know there's nothing fundamentally wrong with me and I could relax more. I've been happily single for over 20 years, but lately I feel like I turned into some desperate creep - this is not who I am
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Tawi
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I think you need to start feeling good about yourself, regardless of who likes you or doesn't. I think everybody has a wonderful partner somewhere and we must be patient until we meet them. I too have never had a serious relationship.
My family and I moved to Africa late last year and I think I just met the most wonderful guy here.
Am glad I never got too desperate.
Love yourself first.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Tawi)
I think you need to start feeling good about yourself, regardless of who likes you or doesn't. I think everybody has a wonderful partner somewhere and we must be patient until we meet them. I too have never had a serious relationship.
My family and I moved to Africa late last year and I think I just met the most wonderful guy here.
Am glad I never got too desperate.
Love yourself first.

I actually used to be quit confident - it's only began wavering recently, after meeting lots of guys that I really liked who had 0 interest in me.

Really glad you found someone though
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Flying Cookie
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It's desperation, quite clearly. Anyone so worried about relationships inevitably gives off the anxious vibe that a potential relationship is a huge deal. People are ironically attracted to secure, independent others. I understand why you have had problems in this area, but they key is to work on yourself rather than expect a stranger to fill in your gaps.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Flying Cookie)
It's desperation, quite clearly. Anyone so worried about relationships inevitably gives off the anxious vibe that a potential relationship is a huge deal. People are ironically attracted to secure, independent others. I understand why you have had problems in this area, but they key is to work on yourself rather than expect a stranger to fill in your gaps.
Thanks for your reply. You're probably right - I used to be way more chill about this, I don't know what happened to me in the past months.
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averagenerdykid
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(Original post by Anonymous)
This is going to sound like a whiney post, which I suppose it is in a way. But here goes anyway: due to serious health issues, I'm currently in my twenties and a fresher at university. Because I got seriously ill in my teens, I spent many years quite isolated. As a result, I've never had a boyfriend, never had sex, have never even been kissed.

I managed to make quite a lot of friends at uni already, but most of them are either girls or way younger than me. I joined a lot of clubs and societies, but whenever I talk to guys they seem completely, utterly uninterested. They're friendly, but never more than that. I don't go clubbing because I really dislike it, and am not interested in meeting someone for a one night stand. A while ago I actually went on a blind date with someone; we talked, we laughed, I thought it was all going well, but at the end of the night he left without asking my number, without asking to get in touch again, and without even properly saying goodbye. I contacted him afterwards to say I had a good time, thinking I was being paranoid - if I felt the date had gone well, then surely his strange parting was a coincidence? But he never even replied.

However arrogant it might sound, I don't get this. While I'm not very confident about my looks I know I'm not that bad looking either, and people often compliment me on how outgoing/social and nice I am. So what is it that I'm doing wrong?? Why do I give off this vibe that makes guys want to be friends with me at most? I'm at the point now where it's actually making me quite depressed; this has been happening to me for my entire life, and apart from making me feel very lonely it's messing with my confidence.


So tl;dr: I'm in my twenties and have never had a boyfriend/had sex/kissed a guy. I'm very good at making friends with girls and occasionally guys, but they never ever seem interested in more. How can I figure out what I'm doing wrong? How do people meet others in a romantic/relationship context? What would you do if you'd only ever met with disinterest?


Thanks for reading my sap story. Advice would be very much appreciated.
Focus on having fun and making friends- if you make friends with lots of people it'll at least take the focus off the bad parts about being single and make you enjoy the good parts.
You're obviously not desperate since you're waiting for a nice guy and not just going to a club, so keep it cool and enjoy yourself- it'll happen!
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