kissed someone else while drunk, did I cheat? Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
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#1
Hi there

So I have been seeing a boy for a about 2 months, although I have only met him once, the rest of the time we talk on WhatsApp... On Saturday night I went to a drink up, where I met my old friends from secondary school. I do not remember kissing one of them, but he said we did and I feel awful! I was black out drunk and I have no recollection of kissing him.

Me and this boy have only been 'official' a few days, I really like him and know for a FACT I would never have kissed that boy if I'd of been sober, I'm not even attracted to him and I have never done this before! I have considered telling my boyfriend but I KNOW he will end it and I know I won't do it again! I hate blacking out and I simply can't handle alcohol, plus I have started to find God again recently after losing faith for a while.

Should I keep quiet and sin no more.
Or come clean and lose this boy?

Please help.
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Sabertooth
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#2
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#2
Yes you cheated. Next time learn to limit alcohol if you can't control yourself after drinking.
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Jennywbu
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#3
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It was just a kiss, don't beat yourself up about it!

Think about it like this, the guy who you kissed took advantage of the fact you were drunk! Not saying you're not in the wrong, because you are, but it didn't mean anything to you so why let one mistake ruin the whole thing?

Like you said, you know alcohol is bad and you can't handle it, so don't drink as much!

Forget about this, and never do it again!
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Chief Wiggum
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Yeah, I'd say that's cheating.

It's up to you if you tell him or not. If you know for a fact he'll dump you, then I guess it's more logical from your point-of-view to keep quiet about it, although it's not really fair on your bf.
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puddingbot
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If you're officially with this guy then yes I think you cheated. It's up to you whether you tell him, he probably does deserve to know on the whole. Anyway the guilt might gnaw at you (or not if you can make up excuses about it ha). I'm not sure it's a good sign if you already kissed someone else after a few days though
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Josb
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#6
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He raped you as you couldn't consent, you can throw him in jail.
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Chief Wiggum
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#7
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(Original post by Jennywbu)
It was just a kiss, don't beat yourself up about it!

Think about it like this, the guy who you kissed took advantage of the fact you were drunk! Not saying you're not in the wrong, because you are, but it didn't mean anything to you so why let one mistake ruin the whole thing?

Like you said, you know alcohol is bad and you can't handle it, so don't drink as much!

Forget about this, and never do it again!
****ing lol.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Baby Milo)
1) If you're only seeing them no you did not cheat
2) You should be more concerned that you drank irresponsibly, blacked out and put yourself in a vulnerable position
3) Wise up in the future, don't get so drunk and there's no reason to tell him at all

Also, don't claim you would have never kissed him sober. You got drunk, whilst intoxicated you made that decision. There are plenty of women who also falsely accuse men of raping them because they wake up and regret it believing they'd have never slept with that guy if they were sober. Act more responsibly and grow up.
I am very concerned with my drinking if I am honest, I know I can't handle my drink, and even though I don't drink often to that extent, I need to learn to realise when I have had enough, so I don't put myself in that position again or simply do not drink.

Also, I know I wouldn't have kissed him if I was sober because he has fancied me since we were kids and I have NEVER even been remotely attracted to him, it was a complete shock to me that I kissed him, but I'd never wrongly accuse someone of rape! That stuff can mess up a persons whole life!

I am definitely going to moderate my drinking.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Josb)
He raped you as you couldn't consent, you can throw him in jail.
kissing is not rape
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Anonymous #1
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All I want to know is why everything has to be taken so personally.

Why must everything have a deeper meaning, and have to result is such chaos?

I'm not trying to make excuses for myself, I know what I did was wrong but I don't even know him well enough to even be with him, but I am too scared to ask if we can wait a while.

I feel like I am not ready for a relationship if I kissed someone else. But also, I don't remember making the decision to kiss this boy, nor would I have even known about it if he didn't tell me the next day! I feel awful but I don't think this makes me a bad person, nor should I let it ruin something which could be good...

I don't even know why I started this thread, in an effort to find a false sense of validation from strangers, while I'm hiding behind a computer screen and anon. I know what I did was wrong, but I also know that everyone makes mistakes.
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Jennywbu
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#11
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(Original post by Chief Wiggum)
****ing lol.
Its true, when someone is that drunk, people take advantage, I don't mean sexually but OP said she wouldn't have kissed this guy if she had been sober, meaning this guy knows it and took an opportunity to while she was roaring drunk.

OP you need to sort your drinking out, don't feel so bad over a kiss that meant nothing, and if you feel like you're not ready, talk to him or tell him the truth, if its meant to be he will understand.
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EnolaGay
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#12
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It's cheating. I don't know if you would loose him but its better to be honest.
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mojojojo101
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#13
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I wouldn't say its cheating but that's personal opinion. IMO though, no one with Hal an ounce of sense should dump someone after that.

You got drunk, made a mistake, big deal.
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scotttb
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(Original post by Jennywbu)
It was just a kiss, don't beat yourself up about it!

Think about it like this, the guy who you kissed took advantage of the fact you were drunk! Not saying you're not in the wrong, because you are, but it didn't mean anything to you so why let one mistake ruin the whole thing?

Like you said, you know alcohol is bad and you can't handle it, so don't drink as much!

Forget about this, and never do it again!
Ffs stop encouraging her self pity party. You have no idea if he took advantage of her. He could have been even more drunk, or she could just be using the "dont remember it" excuse to try to make herself feel less guilty.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by scotttb)
Ffs stop encouraging her self pity party. You have no idea if he took advantage of her. He could have been even more drunk, or she could just be using the "dont remember it" excuse to try to make herself feel less guilty.
I honestly do not remember kissing him, which is why I am questioning it so much... If I was sober and remember making the decision to kiss the fella, then I would understand. But its the fact I do not remember and am not in any way attracted to the boy I kissed, and would not have kissed him had I have been sober...

I am aware what I did was wrong, I don't feel sorry for myself. You are right, I dont know how drunk he was but he remembered us kissing, whereas I do not!
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scotttb
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(Original post by Anonymous)

I am aware what I did was wrong!
You mean what this guy claims you did?
Has anyone besides him verified to you that it actually happened?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by scotttb)
You mean what this guy claims you did?
Has anyone besides him verified to you that it actually happened?
Nope everyone was drunk
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ParadiseFound
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I honestly do not remember kissing him, which is why I am questioning it so much... If I was sober and remember making the decision to kiss the fella, then I would understand. But its the fact I do not remember and am not in any way attracted to the boy I kissed, and would not have kissed him had I have been sober...

I am aware what I did was wrong, I don't feel sorry for myself. You are right, I dont know how drunk he was but he remembered us kissing, whereas I do not!
You probably don't remember much else from the night either, alcohol tendds to do that. This doesn't mean that you didn't do it.

Kissing is a two way thing, if you didn't reciprocate the guys feelings you would have probably had closed your mouth and made a scene. It doesn't sound like you did this.

Just because you have cognitive shortcomings/ you arent attracted to him(quite wierd how you have to repeat that so many times) it doesn't mean you didn't consent at the time and the fault doesn't lie with the guy.
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OliveStalker
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#19
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TS, just do the decent thing and tell your boyfriend the truth. Tell him that this guy claims that the two of you kissed when you were drunk, but you have no memory of it and you are not at all attracted to him. Emphasise that you have no idea if the kiss really happened or not, but that you wanted him to hear it from you before he heard it from someone else. Then apologise profusely to him for putting yourself in a situation like that and promise that it won't happen again. Allow him to be angry with you for awhile - he has every right to. If he really cares about you, he will most likely forgive you. If he decides to end the relationship, you can take comfort in the fact that you acted like a decent person by taking responsibility for your actions.
If you don't tell him and he ever finds out that you drank like a pig, cheated on him and then hid it from him, he will certainly dump you and you will feel like trash.

My personal opinion is that it is absolutely vile to drink to the point where anybody - even someone you don't remotely fancy - can just slobber all over you. Aren't you disturbed by this at all, beyond the possibility that you cheated? What if something worse had happened to you? It easily could have been rape instead of just a kiss. That kind of drinking shows a complete lack of self-respect and self-control. If I were you, I wouldn't just cut down on my drinking. I would be so upset that I would quit drinking altogether.
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