I don't respect my dad. What should I do?

Anonymous #1
Report Thread starter 6 years ago
I really need your advice on this matter guys. So, bear with me.

Me and my sisters never have a good relationship with my dad but my brothers are OK with him. He is a man with good job but has obnoxious personality and behaviour, he also treats others (his friends, relatives, etc) better than his family. I never see him as 'leader' of the family because he hardly supports us financially and morally, causing my mom & sisters to handle the house in both aspect.

He's negative- minded and can easily bad- mouth his daughters (especially) if we do things that he doesn't like and treats my mom like maid. He always looks down on & hates his female colleagues and this probably spreads to our house. He also thinks that he is always right and would refuse to hear further explanations and follows his own judgement, thus, it's difficult to have discussion with him.

I also think that he is the cause to our family's financial problems, he used to have a handsome salary but due to his expenditure and loans, he's debt- laden and would pressure my siblings to take loans as well. Hence, some of us are also struggling financially.

He is also bad- tempered and would turn the house upside down if he's fuming but he never laid his hands on us (he used to do that 20 years ago on my older siblings). Basically, we have been hurt many many times with his actions and decisions but you can not ever cut blood ties, that is immoral to me.

I often question why my mom chose my dad because she once told me about this guy that liked her in college, well, that's life. He always disappoints us but I still have the strong belief to always respect my parents because they are the root of blessings in life.

Our relationship is beyond repair and he has lost my respect/ love but I still need him because I am starting my degree in UK this year. The best I can do is to minimise our interactions everyday, the house is big enough so I can still avoid him.

So, I want to ask you guys.. HOW should I treat him despite all of the things that he has done? Thank you.
Badges: 16
Report 6 years ago
Well, you treat him as you would treat any other human being - with good humour and respect. You are aware of the stress he is under financially and this no doubt affects the way he behaves. He may well have lots of other problems which you don't see. People rarely share everything with their children wanting to both protect the children and have some privacy. Your mother may well understand what has gone on in the family in all sorts of ways, much better than you.

You can't expect your father to be the sole leader of the family. This puts too much stress on one person. Every member of a family has responsibility to help it and make it work.

If you are starting your degree in the UK soon then you will be far away from the daily stresses in the family. If you will be supported financially here by your parents, you will of course be grateful for this. You may be able to get a part time job so that you are not such a financial burden on your parents? Perhaps if your father is having difficulties you could offer to help the family when you qualify? My mother, for example, supported her widowed father and several siblings once she was qualified as a teacher. This is what family members do.
Anonymous #2
Report 1 month ago
Hi I wonder where this person is now. Have you got your degree?

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