How should I lose my virginity?

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Anonymous #1
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I suppose this comes across as a bit of a weird question to others, but I'm genuinely having this dilemma...
I'm 20 years old, female at uni, and a virgin- not for religious reasons, but simply because I've not met someone yet who I feel I like enough to bother having sex with. I'm not struggling to find it- I could have so easily gone home with guys I've kissed in clubs etc but one-night stands aren't really a thing I'm looking for just yet.

I always assumed that the first time I would have sex, it would be with a guy who I had feelings for enough that we could potentially have a relationship. However in the past 3-4 months or so, I've spoken to a few guys who I know from uni... I'm strongly attracted to them but I don't think I'd ever imagine us in a proper relationship. In other words, it's pretty much 95% lust. And we've admitted to it, and he wants sex, and to be honest, I really would love to have sex with him as well, but the only thing holding me back is thinking it's probably a bad idea to lose my virginity over lust rather than through actual feelings... I said no to him based on that, but then recently another guy I've spoken to said he feels that way as well and I'm finding it more difficult than ever to say no because I do really want him!
He doesn't know I'm a virgin- many people don't know this because I'm actually a very outgoing person and I do get a bit of attention when I go out, so people assume that's just happened for me already. To me, the concept of virginity isn't a big deal- I just know that I'll always remember the person who my first time will end up being with so I don't want to have to cringe too much.


tl:dr;
What would you do?
Would you turn down potentially mind-blowing sex with a guy you really fancy, because you're waiting to have sex with someone when you find a stable relationship instead?
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shawn_o1
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relationship first
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Aric_1998
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I admire you so much for this. I wish everyone viewed sex like you do. If I was you, I would get in a relationship and develop feelings first. That's what you want. Don't give your virginity up just because you feel that you need to do it. You will regret it later. If this guy you are talking to feels this way as well, try to develop a relationship with him. You never know what will happen. Good luck.


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LizzyD13
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Wait until you are in a relationship - what's to say it won't be with this guy anyway, you've got to get on well enough to speak honestly with each other.
if you're in a relationship, the emotional attachment will probably make the sex better.
either way it's your choice, but don't let anyone make it for you, it's clear losing your virginity means a lot to you, so think things through.
hope this helps x
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ByronicHero
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I don't think losing your virginity matters a great deal really. If you want to have sex with one (or two) of them then do it, and if you want to wait then wait. Nobody here can tell you what you should do as everyone has different values and motivations.

To answer your questions:

1) I would have sex with one of them, probably.
2) No.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Aric_1998)
I admire you so much for this. I wish everyone viewed sex like you do. If I was you, I would get in a relationship and develop feelings first. That's what you want. Don't give your virginity up just because you feel that you need to do it. You will regret it later. If this guy you are talking to feels this way as well, try to develop a relationship with him. You never know what will happen. Good luck.


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(Original post by LizzyD13)
Wait until you are in a relationship - what's to say it won't be with this guy anyway, you've got to get on well enough to speak honestly with each other.
if you're in a relationship, the emotional attachment will probably make the sex better.
either way it's your choice, but don't let anyone make it for you, it's clear losing your virginity means a lot to you, so think things through.
hope this helps x
It's not that I feel like I have to- I can easily say no - it's just that I do really want it with these guys and really, the concept of "virginity" is a bit outdated nowadays.... So I'm just confused as to what I should do
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Tootles
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I suppose this comes across as a bit of a weird question to others, but I'm genuinely having this dilemma...
I'm 20 years old, female at uni, and a virgin- not for religious reasons, but simply because I've not met someone yet who I feel I like enough to bother having sex with. I'm not struggling to find it- I could have so easily gone home with guys I've kissed in clubs etc but one-night stands aren't really a thing I'm looking for just yet.

I always assumed that the first time I would have sex, it would be with a guy who I had feelings for enough that we could potentially have a relationship. However in the past 3-4 months or so, I've spoken to a few guys who I know from uni... I'm strongly attracted to them but I don't think I'd ever imagine us in a proper relationship. In other words, it's pretty much 95% lust. And we've admitted to it, and he wants sex, and to be honest, I really would love to have sex with him as well, but the only thing holding me back is thinking it's probably a bad idea to lose my virginity over lust rather than through actual feelings... I said no to him based on that, but then recently another guy I've spoken to said he feels that way as well and I'm finding it more difficult than ever to say no because I do really want him!
He doesn't know I'm a virgin- many people don't know this because I'm actually a very outgoing person and I do get a bit of attention when I go out, so people assume that's just happened for me already. To me, the concept of virginity isn't a big deal- I just know that I'll always remember the person who my first time will end up being with so I don't want to have to cringe too much.


tl:dr;
What would you do?
Would you turn down potentially mind-blowing sex with a guy you really fancy, because you're waiting to have sex with someone when you find a stable relationship instead?
Yes.

Also maybe search for what you next want to post. This exact question is asked at least twice a week.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Tootles)
Yes.

Also maybe search for what you next want to post. This exact question is asked at least twice a week.
What's your reasoning behind this?
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Tootles
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(Original post by Anonymous)
What's your reasoning behind this?
Will be better emotionally. The first one is very important and you want to not be made to feel stupid when you grow attached.
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Zarek
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Follow your lusty instincts. Why not?
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ParadiseFound
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Who's to say just because you waited its going to make you feel better about yourself ?

Without sounding negative here most relationships don't last long anyway, so the age old belief that waiting for the right person will somehow fortify a relationship is a baseless assumption.

Totally up to you though.
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TenOfThem
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It won't be great - no one has a great first time

Optimum situation = being in some sort of relationship with the person so that there is a level of affection and concern

Nothing wrong with casual sex, imo, but losing your virginity in the way you suggest would cause some people regret

Your post suggests that you would consider this "first time" important so - you need to decide if the risk of it being both a physical and emotional disappointment will be worth it
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Maid Marian
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If you had casual sex with that guy, are you likely to get emotionally attached? Because if so, then don't do it.
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Mankytoes
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(Original post by Maid Marian)
If you had casual sex with that guy, are you likely to get emotionally attached? Because if so, then don't
do it.
Spot on. Some people can separate emotional attachment from sex, they usually enjoy casual sex, some people can't, they usually don't.

From your language, OP, it sounds like you probably would enjoy it, and you feel a little pressured to get a boyfriend first, you've been told that's the "correct" way to do it.

What's maybe more important is that you trust the guy, that he'll know what he's doing, not be too rough or anything.
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noobynoo
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In Sweden I hear they get laid first and worry about relationships after. It's the Viking way.
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xylas
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(Original post by Anonymous)
It's not that I feel like I have to- I can easily say no - it's just that I do really want it with these guys and really, the concept of "virginity" is a bit outdated nowadays.... So I'm just confused as to what I should do
This is a very simple everyday dilemma, it is not somehow extremely important just because the subject is sex.

You just have to balance your desire to have sex with your desire to remain a virgin.
Pros of having sex? many Cons? could get pregnant, STIs
Pros of remaining a virgin? some Cons? less sexual experience, become less desirable with age

People usually enter relationships first to remove the cons of having sex.
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xylas
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(Original post by CirclesAreRound)
Virginity is always going to be "one of those things" that everyone has very strong views about. I lost my virginity to my at the time girlfriend a few years back, it was nerve wracking and I kept wondering whether "Is she the right person?"
I loathe the concept of male virginity. It is not the same. There is nothing to 'lose'...
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reallydontknow
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(Original post by xylas)
I loathe the concept of male virginity. It is not the same. There is nothing to 'lose'...
Sexist.

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xylas
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(Original post by reallydontknow)
Sexist.
It would be sexist to equate male virginity with female virginity.
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xylas
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(Original post by CirclesAreRound)
Nothing to lose?

Virginity for me was giving a part of me to someone else, it was about letting someone know me intimately. I "lost" that singularity and that was that.
What part of you did you give to someone else?

What do you mean by 'singularity'? If you mean being single, no you can get that back whenever you want.
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