english lit CA can someon3 read it and say ipif its A grade

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hksikh2000
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Hello, I have my CA next weekso hvebeenpractising my work but I wanted to seeif anyone could read it and tell me if its an A grade piece of work.this is only one paragraph and the practise queston is
Explorein how the relationship between macbeth and lady macbeth is presented in the play also linkto polankis version.

My response one paragraph
Furthermore, the relatonship is presented as weak due to the imbalance of affection between lady macbeth and macbeth. In act 1 scene 5 we see lady macbeth performing her soliloquy whjch is very important becajse it allows us to see thier truefeelings towards each other, it acts like a window almost. In the letter, lady macbeth is referred to " my dearest partner in greatness" by macbeth which shows the audience how much he loves her because by him classingher as his "Partner" is showing they are equals which goes against the usual relationship stereotype in the 1600's where men were were seen s superior to the women. This impacts the jacobeon audience because it may make them dislike macbeth because he insulting the power of men by being affectionmacbeth his "dearest love". This also links to shakesleares intentions because he may have wanted the audience to take a notice of how different the relationship is (compared to the typical couple) so they understand how important it is to the play. Macbeths reaction to lady macbeth is contradicted by hers to him because rather than greeting him in a similair tone to him e.g. my dearest partner she greets him with "great glamis, worthy cawdor" which shows the imbalance of affection because she is prioritising his power over the emotional connection a couple should share to have a strong relationship.Shakespearees effective use of the word "great" emphasises how differently lady macbeth and macbeth view each other as macbeth means they would share the "greatness" which will come but she mens the "great" power that is used to rule over others. However, as their relationship develops over the course of the play so does their affection towards each other because in Act 3 scene 2, macbeth calls lady macbeth "dearest chuck" which has changed from "love" or "partner in greatness". this shows as macbeth has gained more power hi view towards lady mcbeth has changed because he doesnt class her as highly as he did before. the word chuck also has connotations lf a chick which is delicate and weak creatue which could show how shakespeare wnts the audience to know how the power macbeth has, has changed his love and emotions.the relationship between them has become more formal over the course of the play as in act 5 scene 5, lady macbeth is referred to as "the queen" rather than what the modern day audience would expect to hear: your wife.this supports my interpretation that there was an imbalance of affection which then developed into very little "love" being shared between them which madea weak relationship. This is also supported by the polanskis version because in act 1 scene 5, which is the first time we se lady macbeth the first words she sahs are "hail the king that shalt be" which shows polanksi wants the audience to see how she is attracted to power not to love.

I will then carry on with other points ut this is just one of them. My exam board is ocr if this makes a difference
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sophie.howells
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Looks A Grade to me, try to include word level analysis, as this is A/A* Level.

''the word chuck also has connotations lf a chick which is delicate and weak creatue which could show how shakespeare wnts the audience to know how the power macbeth has, has changed his love and emotions.''

The part above is great, but always use quotation marks around a word from the text to show you are analysing the word for example around the 'chuck'. Also watch spellings/capital letters etc., I am sure you just typed this in a hurry.

Best of Luck, Sophie !!
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hksikh2000
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(Original post by sophie.howells)
Looks A Grade to me, try to include word level analysis, as this is A/A* Level.

''the word chuck also has connotations lf a chick which is delicate and weak creatue which could show how shakespeare wnts the audience to know how the power macbeth has, has changed his love and emotions.''

The part above is great, but always use quotation marks around a word from the text to show you are analysing the word for example around the 'chuck'. Also watch spellings/capital letters etc., I am sure you just typed this in a hurry.

Best of Luck, Sophie !!
Hi thanks so much for your feedba ck but whe I showed my tea her something like this he gave it a c+ which was very disappointing so could anyone give e imprvements and feel free to be harsh I just need toimprove it thanks
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sophie.howells
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(Original post by hksikh2000)
Hi thanks so much for your feedba ck but whe I showed my tea her something like this he gave it a c+ which was very disappointing so could anyone give e imprvements and feel free to be harsh I just need toimprove it thanks
Ok
1) Use a PEE format, where you give one short and punchy Point, then Evidence, use a short quote to back up your point, and then Explore, just analyse the quote and what it shows.
2) Word Level analysis is a must for an A Grade, so chose 1 word from your quote and write about what it shows in detail, give multiple interpretations if you can.
3) The icing on the cake would be sound level analysis. Are there any harsh plosive b and p sounds that reflect the violence in the novel ? Or soft and gentle sounds that show the gentle feelings one character has towards another? Or multiple 's' sounds (sibilance) could link to the snake in the garden of Eden, showing someone has an evil nature or wants to tempt someone else etc.
4) Talk about the techniques the author uses and say what effect they have on the reader (never really refer to yourself, i.e This makes ME feel sad, it is much better to say, This technique makes the reader feel (.....) for the character/about the setting etc.
5) In your introduction give an outline of the texts and briefly explain similarities and differences, never analyse words in the intro however.
6) In your conclusion summarise what you have said, I.e the relationship between Macbeth and ........ is .........., shown by the writers different techniques throughout the novel
7) In the part where you talk about the stereotypical society where men are superior to women, use the phrase a 'Patriarchal Society', this basically means men ruled, but examiners love that phrase haha
Hope this helps,
Sophie
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sophie.howells
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You could also try the PETER structuring, if you feel that this would work better for you
P- Point:
One sentence saying what the point you're trying to get across in this paragraph is (e.g The author x creates an air of tension in his poem y to make the reader feel suspicious about z character's intentions.)

E- Evidence: A quote to back up your point (can be introduced with 'this is shown through the quote "x")
T- Technique: State what literary technique/structural technique is being used in this quote ("x" which uses pathetic fallacy.)
E- Explanation: Explain how this technique and quote support your point; explore the author's intentions, the plot of whatever you're looking at, context if it's Shakespearean for example, the general effects of it.
R- Reader: Explain the effects of the quote/technique on the reader; how it makes them feel, how it changes their view of a character, whether they're empathetic etc.
The last two parts should be the largest section of the paragraph and can be combined.
Sophie
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hksikh2000
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(Original post by sophie.howells)
Ok
1) Use a PEE format, where you give one short and punchy Point, then Evidence, use a short quote to back up your point, and then Explore, just analyse the quote and what it shows.
2) Word Level analysis is a must for an A Grade, so chose 1 word from your quote and write about what it shows in detail, give multiple interpretations if you can.
3) The icing on the cake would be sound level analysis. Are there any harsh plosive b and p sounds that reflect the violence in the novel ? Or soft and gentle sounds that show the gentle feelings one character has towards another? Or multiple 's' sounds (sibilance) could link to the snake in the garden of Eden, showing someone has an evil nature or wants to tempt someone else etc.
4) Talk about the techniques the author uses and say what effect they have on the reader (never really refer to yourself, i.e This makes ME feel sad, it is much better to say, This technique makes the reader feel (.....) for the character/about the setting etc.
5) In your introduction give an outline of the texts and briefly explain similarities and differences, never analyse words in the intro however.
6) In your conclusion summarise what you have said, I.e the relationship between Macbeth and ........ is .........., shown by the writers different techniques throughout the novel
7) In the part where you talk about the stereotypical society where men are superior to women, use the phrase a 'Patriarchal Society', this basically means men ruled, but examiners love that phrase haha
Hope this helps,
Sophie
Thanks so much x
I dont get why my teacher gives me such q lower grade than you? Also to secure my grade I should include a sound analysis, is it possible you could give me an example to do my analysis if its not too much trouble. Thanks. Also are you sure there is nothing else to include anything at all to make it better. I appreciate your hepl as I was so worried as all I get in english lit is c and low b's
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sophie.howells
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I would say it is a low A, but I'm not a marker, so just gone by what I thought :/
What other quotes are you using and I could try give a sound analysis for you?
Sophie
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hksikh2000
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(Original post by sophie.howells)
I would say it is a low A, but I'm not a marker, so just gone by what I thought :/
What other quotes are you using and I could try give a sound analysis for you?
Sophie
Hi so I will go over ehat im gona do and u can see if you can help. So I hve 2 main points that 1 th elatonship is weak and 2 it was t the start a loving relationship but the power ruins them. . This is one of my interpretation for weak and I have 2 more, so the are 3 for this one points. The other 2 basically are he manipulates him into doing thiigs and that there is tension. For the secon point, that the elationhip is always love but thier ambition for power ruins it and leads to death.

Do you think I should do another seperate point on how the elationship develops or just keep it ith showing ho the relationship is weak. Thanks. Would this be enough to get an A
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jamesg2
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(Original post by hksikh2000)
Hi thanks so much for your feedba ck but whe I showed my tea her something like this he gave it a c+ which was very disappointing so could anyone give e imprvements and feel free to be harsh I just need toimprove it thanks
I am sorry to rain on your parade but, if anything, your teacher is being over generous. Two fellow students suggested formal structures you could follow - for me either one would be fine. By following either of these structures you demonstrate both the logic and structure of your argument as well as your understanding of the play, the question and how you intend to answer it.

I assume you were in a hurry to gain a response from your fellow students and so were not careful as you might normally would be with your spelling, grammar and sentence structure. What you provided for us to read was close to unreadable.

In response 8 you reply "So I hve 2 main points that 1 th elatonship is weak and 2 it was t the start a loving relationship but the power ruins them."

I find it difficult to see the relationship as "weak." It is a very strong relationship that is blown apart for a number of reasons. I agree with your point that, initially, it was a loving relationship but the idea that power ruins the relationship maybe a little difficult to prove.

I will give you two points to think about.
(a) Why does Macbeth see the dagger? My answer is that he never wanted to murder Duncan. He was happy to be King, but he was frightened at the thought of murdering Duncan and being found out. Proof. When he meets the witches he decides that he does not need to murder Duncan fate will take care of it for him. In the meeting with lady Macbeth when she strenuously tries to get him to agree to the murder he dodges the question and says they will talk about it later. During the banquet he provides for Duncan he informs Lady Macbeth that he will not murder the king. Within 20 lines in an astonishing sequences of speeches she bullies him and gets him to change his mind. Those 20 odd lines are the pinnacle of the power and force of this character. It is an astonishing moment and the demonstration of her power is that it only 20 lines to get him to change his mind. It is worth looking at just how she gets him to change his mind. The breakdown of Macbeth before and during the murder scene is the consequence of a man who has been forced to do something he really does not want to do.

There is a difference between a man who wants to be King - as Macbeth certainly does - and a man who is also not prepared to murder to become king.

(b) Why does Lady Macbeth go mad? Aside from the banquet scene there is only one other scene when they are together after the murder. In Act 3 Sc 2 - the first scene we see them after the murder - look at what she says. There is a very interesting observation - and very unlike Lady Macbeth and a very, very interesting question that she asks him. Up to and during the murder Lady Macbeth is a powerhouse. In Act 1 sc 5 she is well aware of Macbeth's failings and weaknesses so why did she not carry out the murder herself? What happens in Act 2 Sc 2 after she is forced to go up to the bedroom and take back the dagger. The impact of what she saw in that bedroom can be traced in everything she says in her sleepwalking scene. You can track back virtually every single thing she says in that scene to the murders and their aftereffects. What she says in the sleepwalking scene tells you why she has changed in the way she has. And why she has changed is all about her relationship with her husband.

These are very complex characters and are not easily defined.
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hksikh2000
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(Original post by jamesg2)
I am sorry to rain on your parade but, if anything, your teacher is being over generous. Two fellow students suggested formal structures you could follow - for me either one would be fine. By following either of these structures you demonstrate both the logic and structure of your argument as well as your understanding of the play, the question and how you intend to answer it.

I assume you were in a hurry to gain a response from your fellow students and so were not careful as you might normally would be with your spelling, grammar and sentence structure. What you provided for us to read was close to unreadable.

In response 8 you reply "So I hve 2 main points that 1 th elatonship is weak and 2 it was t the start a loving relationship but the power ruins them."

I find it difficult to see the relationship as "weak." It is a very strong relationship that is blown apart for a number of reasons. I agree with your point that, initially, it was a loving relationship but the idea that power ruins the relationship maybe a little difficult to prove.

I will give you two points to think about.
(a) Why does Macbeth see the dagger? My answer is that he never wanted to murder Duncan. He was happy to be King, but he was frightened at the thought of murdering Duncan and being found out. Proof. When he meets the witches he decides that he does not need to murder Duncan fate will take care of it for him. In the meeting with lady Macbeth when she strenuously tries to get him to agree to the murder he dodges the question and says they will talk about it later. During the banquet he provides for Duncan he informs Lady Macbeth that he will not murder the king. Within 20 lines in an astonishing sequences of speeches she bullies him and gets him to change his mind. Those 20 odd lines are the pinnacle of the power and force of this character. It is an astonishing moment and the demonstration of her power is that it only 20 lines to get him to change his mind. It is worth looking at just how she gets him to change his mind. The breakdown of Macbeth before and during the murder scene is the consequence of a man who has been forced to do something he really does not want to do.

There is a difference between a man who wants to be King - as Macbeth certainly does - and a man who is also not prepared to murder to become king.

(b) Why does Lady Macbeth go mad? Aside from the banquet scene there is only one other scene when they are together after the murder. In Act 3 Sc 2 - the first scene we see them after the murder - look at what she says. There is a very interesting observation - and very unlike Lady Macbeth and a very, very interesting question that she asks him. Up to and during the murder Lady Macbeth is a powerhouse. In Act 1 sc 5 she is well aware of Macbeth's failings and weaknesses so why did she not carry out the murder herself? What happens in Act 2 Sc 2 after she is forced to go up to the bedroom and take back the dagger. The impact of what she saw in that bedroom can be traced in everything she says in her sleepwalking scene. You can track back virtually every single thing she says in that scene to the murders and their aftereffects. What she says in the sleepwalking scene tells you why she has changed in the way she has. And why she has changed is all about her relationship with her husband.

These are very complex characters and are not easily defined.
Hello yeah I was in a rush, so my response is not a high grade but what exact improvements would you make to mine to make that one paragraph a high grade. Also I feel confident with my 2 points because I can justify them, for example the relationship is weak due to imbalance of affection, full of doubt, manipulation and she demasculates him. I believe this shows how the relationship is weak so please please could you help me craft or improve my response because I really want an A and my target is that.
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Gingerbread101
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(Original post by sophie.howells)
You could also try the PETER structuring, if you feel that this would work better for you
P- Point:
One sentence saying what the point you're trying to get across in this paragraph is (e.g The author x creates an air of tension in his poem y to make the reader feel suspicious about z character's intentions.)

E- Evidence: A quote to back up your point (can be introduced with 'this is shown through the quote "x")
T- Technique: State what literary technique/structural technique is being used in this quote ("x" which uses pathetic fallacy.)
E- Explanation: Explain how this technique and quote support your point; explore the author's intentions, the plot of whatever you're looking at, context if it's Shakespearean for example, the general effects of it.
R- Reader: Explain the effects of the quote/technique on the reader; how it makes them feel, how it changes their view of a character, whether they're empathetic etc.
The last two parts should be the largest section of the paragraph and can be combined.
Sophie
Hmm, looks familiar :holmes:
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hksikh2000
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(Original post by Gingerbread101)
Hmm, looks familiar :holmes:
What grade do you think it is?
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Gingerbread101
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(Original post by hksikh2000)
What grade do you think it is?
Although I wasn't on OCR and haven't studied Macbeth so can't really comment on your actual points, from my general knowledge of exams I'd say a B or possibly A depending on the examiner.
A lot of your phrasing isn't very sophisticated (for one thing, never say 'e.g.' in your coursework!), and you don't refer to any language techniques, which greatly limits your analysis. Your points are detailed and nicely linked to context, but it's brought down by not mentioning techniques, which should really be the key part of your analysis.

Hope this helps
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Muttley79
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You must not post this online .... anyone could copy it!
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jamesg2
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Can someone post the marking criteria for this kind of task by OCR.

I would have marked this example paragraph a fail. However Gingerbread 101 suggests it could be either a B or A.

I don't understand how that paragraph merits such a grade. I am not arguing, I just don't know what the criteria is that might make that paragraph merit an A or B.

Thanks
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Gingerbread101
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(Original post by jamesg2)
Can someone post the marking criteria for this kind of task by OCR.

I would have marked this example paragraph a fail. However Gingerbread 101 suggests it could be either a B or A.

I don't understand how that paragraph merits such a grade. I am not arguing, I just don't know what the criteria is that might make that paragraph merit an A or B.

Thanks
I'm not sure about OCR's grades, I'd definitely say more B material than A, but being at an A* for my entire GCSE I'm not the best to judge lower grades.

http://www.ocr.org.uk/Images/140108-...ember-2013.pdf The band descriptors are pages 22 onwards
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Gingerbread101
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From looking at the descriptors, they commonly refer to 'textual detail'. As far as I can tell, this can refer to quotes as well as structure, form and language. By not commenting on the language techniques, you're missing out a part of almost every descriptor, however I'm not sure how it would be weighted if you display characteristics of other bands
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jamesg2
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Thank you that is very helpful. Going by 3.5 section 3 there is a lot in Grade F that would apply here. However there is also something in Grade C. It may be me, after all I am new to OCR, but I see nothing in A that applies. In addition 3.6 makes clear that the quality of literacy is gradable and does affect final outcome.

What I would say, and I do assist students who ask me, this is not an a situation that cannot be improved. There is loads of time to improve and this is a forum where fellow students are eager to assist.
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hksikh2000
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(Original post by Gingerbread101)
From looking at the descriptors, they commonly refer to 'textual detail'. As far as I can tell, this can refer to quotes as well as structure, form and language. By not commenting on the language techniques, you're missing out a part of almost every descriptor, however I'm not sure how it would be weighted if you display characteristics of other bands
hi what do you mean by language techniques i thought i just had to comment on the specific word. also what can i say about structure and form for the relationship between macbeth and lady macbeth?
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hksikh2000
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(Original post by jamesg2)
Thank you that is very helpful. Going by 3.5 section 3 there is a lot in Grade F that would apply here. However there is also something in Grade C. It may be me, after all I am new to OCR, but I see nothing in A that applies. In addition 3.6 makes clear that the quality of literacy is gradable and does affect final outcome.

What I would say, and I do assist students who ask me, this is not an a situation that cannot be improved. There is loads of time to improve and this is a forum where fellow students are eager to assist.
Why cant it be improved?
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