I don't find my boyfriend attractive at all. Keep leaving and him begging me back
I don't love my boyfriend and don't find him attractive sexually.
This is a three year relationship and we live together and have a 16 month old together.
I met him online at a time in my life when I was a bit lonely. I was waiting to start my masters so had no job, no money but did have a nice council flat which was my only positive.
I wanted to meet someone so when I went on our first date I tried to see past the fact I wasn't attracted to him and eventually we ended up dating. He was clearly mad about me from day one and loves me unconditionally. He's a great guy essentially but there are so many things I can't stand.
Educationally he is so different to me. He had no education and is In a rubbish job without any motivation to leave it. He doesn't like his job and it some of four he has had since I met him. He doesn't know what he wants in life. I am a highly motivated person. I am at uni, working hard to qualify in a career I love.
He can be lazy. He doesn't help that much around the house although he is quite good with our son.
He doesn't support me much financially. I am a student who has had to watch the pennies and move to a council house and buy everything for it whilst still studying and lookig after a baby. His parents are great and help but he hasn't financially helped much.
I find these characteristics so unattractive. But if I loved him I guess I wouldn't care about them. I know they are superficial.
i have left him before and he has convinced me to come back . I do it largely for my son who i don't want growing up without his dad at home. But I'm not happy. i don't think I would be happy as a single parent either at the moment with the stress I'm under.
But being single in the future doesn't bother me too much.
any advice?
This is a three year relationship and we live together and have a 16 month old together.
I met him online at a time in my life when I was a bit lonely. I was waiting to start my masters so had no job, no money but did have a nice council flat which was my only positive.
I wanted to meet someone so when I went on our first date I tried to see past the fact I wasn't attracted to him and eventually we ended up dating. He was clearly mad about me from day one and loves me unconditionally. He's a great guy essentially but there are so many things I can't stand.
Educationally he is so different to me. He had no education and is In a rubbish job without any motivation to leave it. He doesn't like his job and it some of four he has had since I met him. He doesn't know what he wants in life. I am a highly motivated person. I am at uni, working hard to qualify in a career I love.
He can be lazy. He doesn't help that much around the house although he is quite good with our son.
He doesn't support me much financially. I am a student who has had to watch the pennies and move to a council house and buy everything for it whilst still studying and lookig after a baby. His parents are great and help but he hasn't financially helped much.
I find these characteristics so unattractive. But if I loved him I guess I wouldn't care about them. I know they are superficial.
i have left him before and he has convinced me to come back . I do it largely for my son who i don't want growing up without his dad at home. But I'm not happy. i don't think I would be happy as a single parent either at the moment with the stress I'm under.
But being single in the future doesn't bother me too much.
any advice?
I am the same as you. I am also at uni studding hard to do better for myself and family. My mother is married to a lazy fat layabout.. don't get me wrong he works but that's about it. He never helps and if he does he makes a mess of everything because his hearts is not in in. so what to do.. you have to tell him its your way or the highway!!! he will make your life harder and time will not improve things.. Again from experience.
You want a man in your life to make things easier not harder. You want someone who supports you. At the end of the day you are a family and families stick together..
My partner and I share everything. I don't even need to ask. he is not perfect but will do anything to make me happy...
Sounds like you picked a right one. remember ( your way or the highway)
You want a man in your life to make things easier not harder. You want someone who supports you. At the end of the day you are a family and families stick together..
My partner and I share everything. I don't even need to ask. he is not perfect but will do anything to make me happy...
Sounds like you picked a right one. remember ( your way or the highway)
(edited 9 years ago)
Thanks Natasha for your reply I think we are just so different with regard to education, life goals, motivation etc. I can't see how it could work long term.
Here's my two cents.
Whilst I am sympathetic for your situation and can understand people not doing anything or much while you're working your ass off (pisses me off too
); I can't help but notice and point out that it was you who decided to have the relationship even though you weren't attracted to him and from what you say, you don't want to leave atm because you'll be alone? (sorry if I've misinterpreted that part).
It sounds like you need to put an end to things, for the both of you. You clearly can't go on in a loveless relationship, especially when you have a son as he'll notice as he is growing up and you both deserve better. You're clearly a strong person, just from what you're doing to achieve your goals, use some of that strength to have the future you want not only in your professional life, but also in your personal life.
If your partner is as you say he is with your son, he should, just as any man worth his salt, continue to do so even after you breakup. Therefore your son will still have him in his life as well as you, which is more than what most have.
Whilst I am sympathetic for your situation and can understand people not doing anything or much while you're working your ass off (pisses me off too
); I can't help but notice and point out that it was you who decided to have the relationship even though you weren't attracted to him and from what you say, you don't want to leave atm because you'll be alone? (sorry if I've misinterpreted that part). It sounds like you need to put an end to things, for the both of you. You clearly can't go on in a loveless relationship, especially when you have a son as he'll notice as he is growing up and you both deserve better. You're clearly a strong person, just from what you're doing to achieve your goals, use some of that strength to have the future you want not only in your professional life, but also in your personal life.
If your partner is as you say he is with your son, he should, just as any man worth his salt, continue to do so even after you breakup. Therefore your son will still have him in his life as well as you, which is more than what most have.
It will be hard to make that brake but as i have said, you want someone who works for the family. why be with someone you don't love.. you live once and why not make your life as happy as it can be... He may chance over time but maybe you need to brake up so he understands he need to grow up. I just can't see it. no love no relationship.... good luck
Original post by Anonymous
I don't love my boyfriend and don't find him attractive sexually.
This is a three year relationship and we live together and have a 16 month old together.
I met him online at a time in my life when I was a bit lonely. I was waiting to start my masters so had no job, no money but did have a nice council flat which was my only positive.
I wanted to meet someone so when I went on our first date I tried to see past the fact I wasn't attracted to him and eventually we ended up dating. He was clearly mad about me from day one and loves me unconditionally. He's a great guy essentially but there are so many things I can't stand.
Educationally he is so different to me. He had no education and is In a rubbish job without any motivation to leave it. He doesn't like his job and it some of four he has had since I met him. He doesn't know what he wants in life. I am a highly motivated person. I am at uni, working hard to qualify in a career I love.
He can be lazy. He doesn't help that much around the house although he is quite good with our son.
He doesn't support me much financially. I am a student who has had to watch the pennies and move to a council house and buy everything for it whilst still studying and lookig after a baby. His parents are great and help but he hasn't financially helped much.
I find these characteristics so unattractive. But if I loved him I guess I wouldn't care about them. I know they are superficial.
i have left him before and he has convinced me to come back . I do it largely for my son who i don't want growing up without his dad at home. But I'm not happy. i don't think I would be happy as a single parent either at the moment with the stress I'm under.
But being single in the future doesn't bother me too much.
any advice?
This is a three year relationship and we live together and have a 16 month old together.
I met him online at a time in my life when I was a bit lonely. I was waiting to start my masters so had no job, no money but did have a nice council flat which was my only positive.
I wanted to meet someone so when I went on our first date I tried to see past the fact I wasn't attracted to him and eventually we ended up dating. He was clearly mad about me from day one and loves me unconditionally. He's a great guy essentially but there are so many things I can't stand.
Educationally he is so different to me. He had no education and is In a rubbish job without any motivation to leave it. He doesn't like his job and it some of four he has had since I met him. He doesn't know what he wants in life. I am a highly motivated person. I am at uni, working hard to qualify in a career I love.
He can be lazy. He doesn't help that much around the house although he is quite good with our son.
He doesn't support me much financially. I am a student who has had to watch the pennies and move to a council house and buy everything for it whilst still studying and lookig after a baby. His parents are great and help but he hasn't financially helped much.
I find these characteristics so unattractive. But if I loved him I guess I wouldn't care about them. I know they are superficial.
i have left him before and he has convinced me to come back . I do it largely for my son who i don't want growing up without his dad at home. But I'm not happy. i don't think I would be happy as a single parent either at the moment with the stress I'm under.
But being single in the future doesn't bother me too much.
any advice?
Kind of sounds like rock-bottom. Your actions don't affect solely you since you have a son. From the perspective of the son, and as a guy who grew up in a single parent family I can tell you that it is very difficult in a different way. When my mum and dad broke up I was given the choice of which parent to pick to live with, and after that the lack of a strong male figure at home and the idea that I was 'the man of the house' derailed me and I attribute most of my imperfect behaviour down to the fact that my dad wasn't there to really enforce anything. My mum did the best she could, but having to juggle a job, social life and a child is ten times more difficult when you don't have anyone beside you.
Of course from your perspective, you need to be happy. That stuff happened to me when I was about 11, so it was fairly traumatizing having to go through seeing it crumble. You yourself need to straighten him up, get him motivated and outline things you expect if you want to have some pressure relieved from you. It sounds like you've got no fight in you, you need to have that to improve your quality of life. Talk to him about everything that is eating away at you, and get him to come to his senses and man up.
What makes me most upset above all is the fact that you weren't in love with him, but still had a baby. It may not have been your fault; you may firmly oppose abortion - but at the end of the day having sex with someone or dating someone who you don't love is counter-intuitive.
(edited 9 years ago)
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