Are our expectations the biggest cause of unhappiness?

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scriberg
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People get upset if things didn't turn out in their favour, due to the expectations they put on them.
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turn-to-page394
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#deep
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lou 22
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Yep exactly that, kind of deep thinking .
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username927016
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I think a lot of it is down to (high) expectations yes. Therefore it follows that the perfect solution = always expect the worse then the only way is up right?
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Xin Xang
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I disagree.

Our expectations and our ambitions give us a sense of purpose in life.

Unhappiness comes from the regret you feel upon realising that your ambitions were made impossible because you simply did not work hard enough.
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scriberg
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(Original post by turn-to-page394)
#deep
(Original post by lou 22)
Yep exactly that, kind of deep thinking .
was just thinking about why im upset all the time, then it came to me

(could also be due to the fact i have no friends)
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Lularose83
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I definitely agree with this. For my prom last year I spent ages daydreaming about how good it would be, how nice everyone would be to one another etc and once it arrived, the excitement just disappeared and all my delusions were replaced with a stark sense of reality. I think that anticipation is better than the real thing.
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dogs4eva7
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I would say yes.

I don't ever have expectations purely because I have learnt from experience that it gets me upset if they aren't met. Even now, I forgetfully expect things but then end up disappointed sooo I try my best not to.
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scriberg
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(Original post by Xin Xang)
I disagree.

Our expectations and our ambitions give us a sense of purpose in life.

Unhappiness comes from the regret you feel upon realising that your ambitions were made impossible because you simply did not work hard enough.
but when something doesnt work in your favour, you more or less feel upset about it

this can also be said about relationships too, you have high expectations of your partner and if they cheat on you for example, you cant say that you didnt work hard enough
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Xin Xang
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(Original post by scriberg)
but when something doesnt work in your favour, you more or less feel upset about it

this can also be said about relationships too, you have high expectations of your partner and if they cheat on you for example, you cant say that you didnt work hard enough
Perhaps the unhappiness stems from an internal guilt for not doing more for the relationship.

Tbh whenever someone is cheated on for no good reason, and the person simply moves on, its because the person doesn't feel guilty for the dismantling of he relationship.
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lou 22
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(Original post by scriberg)
was just thinking about why im upset all the time, then it came to me

(could also be due to the fact i have no friends)
.

I will be your online friend, maybe depending on your location we could actually become friends.
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miser
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I think unhappiness is often caused by more mundane things like poor diet, lack of socialising, little exercise, stress, mundanity, etc. People like to attribute it to nobler things though.
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tabithacrazy
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I agree, the more you expect from someone/something, the more likely you are to be disappointed. This is why I try not to get my hopes up too much, because then I'll never be disappointed.
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scriberg
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(Original post by Xin Xang)
Perhaps the unhappiness stems from an internal guilt for not doing more for the relationship.

Tbh whenever someone is cheated on for no good reason, and the person simply moves on, its because the person doesn't feel guilty for the dismantling of he relationship.
how do people cheat, i cant even find one girl to kiss me let alone two
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scriberg
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(Original post by lou 22)
.

I will be your online friend, maybe depending on your location we could actually become friends.
#StrangerDanger

I'm from london wby
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scriberg
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(Original post by miser)
I think unhappiness is often caused by more mundane things like poor diet, lack of socialising, little exercise, stress, mundanity, etc. People like to attribute it to nobler things though.
but even if people want to change the way they live, they're more concerned about what they'll lose instead of what they gain
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Anonymous Coward
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Definitely a part of twhy we are unhappy. Also the increased self consciousness/awareness that develops.

The vast majority of young kids are 'happy'. The vast majority of them can't stop smiling at the mirror, or at every camera lens. Contrast that to how people react to mirrors and camera lenses a few years later.

Contrast how many young kids walk around with their heads bowed to the ground with the number of teenagers and grown adults who do so. When we're at school we can't wait to be grow up and be 'free'. The reality is that most people will never be as free (or at least 'carefree') as when they were young.

Feeling a constant pressure (that we all put on ourselves, but really doesn't exist or count for anything) to be 'acceptable' causes unhappiness for many people, whether they know it or not.
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moment of truth
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Interesting point of view. I would say this is pretty true in my opinion.
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scriberg
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(Original post by Anonymous Coward)
Definitely a part of twhy we are unhappy. Also the increased self consciousness/awareness that develops.

The vast majority of young kids are 'happy'. The vast majority of them can't stop smiling at the mirror, or at every camera lens. Contrast that to how people react to mirrors and camera lenses a few years later.

Contrast how many young kids walk around with their heads bowed to the ground to the number of adults who do so. When we're at school we can't wait to be grow up and be 'free'. The reality is that most people will never be as free (or at least 'carefree') as when they were young.
maybe having such huge expectations of being a grown up as a kid and then later on in life becoming disappointed is why adults feel unhappy
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carrotstar
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Quite simply, yes.
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