"I dont want a relationship with anyone" Polite excuse or genuine reason?Watch
Is this just a polite excuse for saying he was not interested in me personally, or do you reckon it could be genuine? I read online that its 98% of the time an excuse, but I am quite unsure about this one because as far as I am aware, he doesnt seem to have had a girlfriend at all.
I say 'anyone' so that the person doesn't take it personally, as in I'm not smacking them off to be with someone else.
With the guy, if he's never had no girlfriend, there's no certain answer. He may simply be uninterested (as in only sees you as a friend) or is just not looking for a relationship at all.
if it was '..right now' that would mean you.
It could be that he absolutely is not looking for someone, but if next week he meets someone that just bowls him over he could be ready for a relationship right then. Dont take it personally, if he tells you he is not looking to be with anyone then it could easily be 100% true, and yet at the same time be just that you personally dont do it for him.
At the end of the day he doesnt need to justify his reasons to turn you down, but I'm glad he was nice about it. Please dont spend time analysing it, there really is no benefit in it.
So generally I don't think it's an excuse - I think 90% of the time people say it because they want to be single, on their own, but also that the person they're saying it to is not that special one, not the one for them.
I've been on both ends of this so have a lot of feelings about it - when I got my heart properly broken that was what he told me, that he wanted to be single, and I was 100% convinced it was an excuse, but then when I dumped someone after a year because I had way too many other commitments (uni, careers) and those had to be higher on my priority list at that time, it really really hurt me to end that relationship too, but it wasn't fair to have a boyfriend who I couldn't treat right - maybe your guy is thinking that too on some level?
If they say 'no', unfortunately they mean 'no' - if they meant 'perhaps later', believe me they would say that. It doesn't mean it could never happen - if you went away, got really fit and interesting, and started dressing really well (assuming you didn't already), there's a chance they could change their mind, but you should never count on it, or invest too much time in someone who has said no.
I'm sorry to hear it. Rejection hurts. However, they haven't done anything wrong, it's just unfortunate that you didn't both feel a connection.
And yes, it could still be genuine. Assume it is, because no good will come of challenging it.
If you want constructive feedback (e.g. you're overweight / I don't have the same interests), you can ask. If someone asked me, I would respect them enough to give it to them, but if you do that you have to be absolutely willing to hear the truth.
I think it's an excuse. If the right person comes along then you're not going to want to stay single. As much as people say to themselves they don't want a relationship, it's predicated on not falling in love with someone.
Lots of people don't want a relationship with anyone, until they meet someone they want a relationship with.