"I dont want a relationship with anyone" Polite excuse or genuine reason?

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 6 years ago
#1
I recently told a guy I liked him. He acted very shocked and wasnt sure why I liked him, then proceeded to tell me that he had no interest in being in a relationship with anyone anytime soon due to various reasons. He then apologised for having to tell me this and wished me well. (he was very nice about it).

Is this just a polite excuse for saying he was not interested in me personally, or do you reckon it could be genuine? I read online that its 98% of the time an excuse, but I am quite unsure about this one because as far as I am aware, he doesnt seem to have had a girlfriend at all.
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amydonnan
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Well, I can't speak for him, but I know when I say it I usually mean it. Although it's been an excuse after a few people who just haven't taken no for an answer, which is unbelievably awkward. I'd say if he was as nice about it as he was, he was probably genuine.
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superwolf
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I've said that before and genuinely meant it. Took my friend with benefits years before I decided that I did want one with him after all.
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thecatwithnohat
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I've used it as an excuse, but I'm a girl so who knows.

I say 'anyone' so that the person doesn't take it personally, as in I'm not smacking them off to be with someone else.

With the guy, if he's never had no girlfriend, there's no certain answer. He may simply be uninterested (as in only sees you as a friend) or is just not looking for a relationship at all.
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Protégé
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I'd say it genuinely.
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Maker
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Its just an excuse in 99% of cases.
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Anonymous #2
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I've meant it genuinely. I was hurt so badly in my last relationship and so much happened, that I just feel I need to be 'ok' again before I can be with someone else.
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EllainKahlo
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I had said it for years and meant it, and it isn't very nice when people assume you're lying because you can't get a partner. He could very well be telling the truth, or maybe just isn't interested in you. Both are likely.
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lisamb
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It can be pretty painful to hear, so I would hope anyone who says it genuinely means it. I've met a fair few people who've said it to friends of mine and then not long after gotten into relationships. Sometimes it's just another way of saying "I don't want a relationship with just anyone" which has been how I've felt in the past. I find the best thing is to take what they've said as it is, we all have a knack for reading into things too much and letting it affect our self esteem. I hope you're okay anon.
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denteddental
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When I was single, I'd use it as an excuse.
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Anonymous #1
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Thanks for your opinions everyone. I'm not sure what to make of it really because most people who have rejected me have simply told me they're not interested in me/don't see me in that way. I haven't had anyone say this before. But I guess everyone is different.
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SquareBrackets
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100%
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BusyBee91
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I think it could be genuine.
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lolaaks
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anyone means just that

if it was '..right now' that would mean you.
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LolaLowe
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It could be genuine.

It could be that he absolutely is not looking for someone, but if next week he meets someone that just bowls him over he could be ready for a relationship right then. Dont take it personally, if he tells you he is not looking to be with anyone then it could easily be 100% true, and yet at the same time be just that you personally dont do it for him.

At the end of the day he doesnt need to justify his reasons to turn you down, but I'm glad he was nice about it. Please dont spend time analysing it, there really is no benefit in it.
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djgdfjgjfhg
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I think it's half and half, for me it's always been genuine, that I didn't want to be in a relationship/ didn't have time for the dramas, but equally I think if you were crazy in love and really wanted to be with that one person - they were really special in other words - nothing else would matter (other commitments in your life like school, work, other relationships). But I think the person would have to be really important for you to be able to put them above other stresses you could have in your life at that time.

So generally I don't think it's an excuse - I think 90% of the time people say it because they want to be single, on their own, but also that the person they're saying it to is not that special one, not the one for them.

I've been on both ends of this so have a lot of feelings about it - when I got my heart properly broken that was what he told me, that he wanted to be single, and I was 100% convinced it was an excuse, but then when I dumped someone after a year because I had way too many other commitments (uni, careers) and those had to be higher on my priority list at that time, it really really hurt me to end that relationship too, but it wasn't fair to have a boyfriend who I couldn't treat right - maybe your guy is thinking that too on some level?
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Octohedral
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Everyone has a right to reject someone - there's nothing worse than being in a relationship you don't want. Unfortunately, it's very, very hard to do, because you genuinely don't want to hurt the other person.

If they say 'no', unfortunately they mean 'no' - if they meant 'perhaps later', believe me they would say that. It doesn't mean it could never happen - if you went away, got really fit and interesting, and started dressing really well (assuming you didn't already), there's a chance they could change their mind, but you should never count on it, or invest too much time in someone who has said no.

I'm sorry to hear it. Rejection hurts. However, they haven't done anything wrong, it's just unfortunate that you didn't both feel a connection.

And yes, it could still be genuine. Assume it is, because no good will come of challenging it.

If you want constructive feedback (e.g. you're overweight / I don't have the same interests), you can ask. If someone asked me, I would respect them enough to give it to them, but if you do that you have to be absolutely willing to hear the truth.
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miser
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I think it's an excuse. If the right person comes along then you're not going to want to stay single. As much as people say to themselves they don't want a relationship, it's predicated on not falling in love with someone.
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e aí rapaz
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(Original post by miser)
I think it's an excuse. If the right person comes along then you're not going to want to stay single. As much as people say to themselves they don't want a relationship, it's predicated on not falling in love with someone.
This. The answer to the OP is that it's both.

Lots of people don't want a relationship with anyone, until they meet someone they want a relationship with.
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dogs4eva7
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I've said it genuinely but then couple of months down the line I was in a relationship. It took me by surprise too.
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