abusive family don't know where to go or what to do.

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 5 years ago
#1
Ever since I've been young I've always had a really bad relationship with my mother, she has always emotionally and physically abused me because she's a psycho and she always pumps my dads head up against me. I don;t know why but she has always hated me and treated me badly. They are controlling my life and I just want to get away I can't take it anymore. I never said anything to anyone because I don't want any legal action taking against them because I have young siblings. I've just had a enough I really can't take it anymore. They constantly put me down and I have a boyfriend but they won't let me see him, they don't let me see my friends and I work part time as well as go to college, my mum makes me do everything at home and its really affecting me at college. I had to do a third year as I got bad grades due to working a lot and due to the emotional and physical violence they put me through. Instead of revising I just felt depressed and ended up failing so I am having to do a third year which I am also finding difficult because of the **** I get at home.

I was waiting until university to just leave home and never come back and focus on my life, but I really can't take it anymore. I have a car its registered on my name, the insurance is on my name they have taken it away from me so I can't go out. My mum drives it and uses it as she likes just to deliberately show me that she has control over me. I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone last night and she took my phone away from me and now she won't give it back. I pay for my contract so she has no right to take it but she's doing it, to just get to me. I have blocked the number and reported it as stolen because I don;t want her going through it or using it. I pay my food and all my expenses they just treat me like a servant at home. My mum has turned my dad against me and she lies and makes stuff up to make him hate.

I asked her to give me my phone back because its got all my personal stuff on it and its my phone, but she doesn't want me talking to anyone. I feel trapped like some sort of prisoner. Now they are both even saying that they won't let me go to uni and I' have to do as they say. I just can't take it anymore I need to get out of here.

My question is i'm 19 so can I legally move out and can they steal my car if its registered in my name? Also about my phone is there anyway she can get into it without knowing my password. It's got all my personal details on it like online banking, I don't want her to go on it because she'll steal all my money. I have just been through so much in my life at home with them and its enough. I physically don't have the strength inside me to live like this anymore. Please cans someone give me advice on what to do and where to turn to? How do I get my car back so I can leave. Should I get the police involved? i'm scared
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Prince of Mind
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#2
Report 5 years ago
#2
I would say that if the situation is as you described it then do get the police involved. I understand that you're looking out for your siblings but one day it might be them which gets treated poorly by your parents.
And no they can't take your phone or car legally.
I hope you find the solution to your problem.
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Killerpenguin15
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#3
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They have no legal right to take your car or phone. Also seeing as you are 19 years old you don't have to listen to your parent either, so they are in no position to control whether you can see your boyfriend or go to university or not.

I would wait another couple of weeks, if the current situation continues or worsens then I would consider taking matters to the police.
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chiligrinder95
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If you aren't exaggerating then phone the police. Make sure you have your I'D and paperwork for the car and insurance. Try record evidence of their abuse. If what you said is true then these people do not love you. Get them arrested. Can anyone else attest to their abuse? Make sure you get your car keys and and phone and go complete college. Stay in emergency accommodation if you have to. Social services will look after your siblings. You can check up on them. If either of your parents pursue get a restraining order or use self defence as if they were strangers. These nasty people should not be considered your parents.
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M0nkey Thunder
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Just reading that comment made me shiver; I'm totally sympathetic of your awful situation. To help, this is what I'd do.
What would I suggest? Get the police involved. As Prince of Mind had previously said, your younger siblings may go through the same issues that you're attempting to handle if you don't involve the Police.
Your Parents are affecting your education to an extreme extent; as you're at a legal age, you should do whatever you need to do for you and your siblings to lead a better life.
Additionally, since your Mum seems, from what I have read, to be the initiator of all of this conflict- with your Dad being manipulated by her- why don't you try to engage in a conversation with him? I'm not sure how close your relationship is with him, but maybe try and tell him what you feel and how it's affecting you negatively. However, I'd only advise this option if you're close relationally to your Dad and think he would side with you. Otherwise, get the police involved.

All the best; I hope your situation changes for the better of you and your siblings!

Amin
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Anonymous #2
#6
Report 5 years ago
#6
I'm really to sorry to hear about this - I have had to deal with a similar situation . This situation is highly abusive and will only get worse. I understand you have younger siblings but you have to realise that your staying in a rapidly worsening situation won't help them one bit and could end very badly for you. I would suggest calling the national Domestic Violence helpline (it's free) when/if you are able to:

http://www.nationaldomesticviolenceh...-violence.aspx

I recommend that you go to your local CAB for legal advice on housing/getting your car back etc. Is there any way you can move out? Do you have trusted friends (your boyfriend perhaps?) you can stay with in an emergency, or enough money to stay at a hostel or something (usually £10-20 per night) till you get support? Do you have access to a bank account they can't access, card, your passport etc.? You should be entitled to Housing Benefit and possibly support through college. Also, is there a counsellor or similar you can talk to at your college? Even a teacher you can go to for advice?

http://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/

I would use the next time you're at college to do some research: call the national Domestic Violence helpline when you're sure they're not around (ask about womens' refuges too, there is a chance you could stay there), make a plan for leaving (you are going to need some stuff like money if your boyfriend can't put you up, probably best to have some spare cash anyway - could you email him btw if they've taken your phone?, your passport etc. would be a good idea too), and leave when you know they're not around. Even just sneak your essentials out of the house the next time you're going to college and then either move to a refuge or with a friend/your boyfriend (or in a hostel if you've had enough, I go backpacking a lot and they're actually OK places, and anywhere's better than an abusive family).

In the worst situation please don't hesitate to call the police.

Hope this helps x
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mhunt97
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#7
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Ever since I've been young I've always had a really bad relationship with my mother, she has always emotionally and physically abused me because she's a psycho and she always pumps my dads head up against me. I don;t know why but she has always hated me and treated me badly. They are controlling my life and I just want to get away I can't take it anymore. I never said anything to anyone because I don't want any legal action taking against them because I have young siblings. I've just had a enough I really can't take it anymore. They constantly put me down and I have a boyfriend but they won't let me see him, they don't let me see my friends and I work part time as well as go to college, my mum makes me do everything at home and its really affecting me at college. I had to do a third year as I got bad grades due to working a lot and due to the emotional and physical violence they put me through. Instead of revising I just felt depressed and ended up failing so I am having to do a third year which I am also finding difficult because of the **** I get at home.

I was waiting until university to just leave home and never come back and focus on my life, but I really can't take it anymore. I have a car its registered on my name, the insurance is on my name they have taken it away from me so I can't go out. My mum drives it and uses it as she likes just to deliberately show me that she has control over me. I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone last night and she took my phone away from me and now she won't give it back. I pay for my contract so she has no right to take it but she's doing it, to just get to me. I have blocked the number and reported it as stolen because I don;t want her going through it or using it. I pay my food and all my expenses they just treat me like a servant at home. My mum has turned my dad against me and she lies and makes stuff up to make him hate.

I asked her to give me my phone back because its got all my personal stuff on it and its my phone, but she doesn't want me talking to anyone. I feel trapped like some sort of prisoner. Now they are both even saying that they won't let me go to uni and I' have to do as they say. I just can't take it anymore I need to get out of here.

My question is i'm 19 so can I legally move out and can they steal my car if its registered in my name? Also about my phone is there anyway she can get into it without knowing my password. It's got all my personal details on it like online banking, I don't want her to go on it because she'll steal all my money. I have just been through so much in my life at home with them and its enough. I physically don't have the strength inside me to live like this anymore. Please cans someone give me advice on what to do and where to turn to? How do I get my car back so I can leave. Should I get the police involved? i'm scared
From what you are saying it sounds like you are in genuine danger, I know that you do not want to call the police but it is not your fault if they were not treating you like this then you wouldn't need to. Do anything you can to get out of there, they have no right to physicaly abuse you and since you are 19 they have no legal right over you what so ever. The sooner you get out the better things will be.
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TorpidPhil
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#8
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Oh my God your scenario sounds rough.

Makes me feel like I'm living in utopia.

I hope you get through it just fine. Good luck.
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Caver
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#9
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#9
Hi, i've been through similar; other than I didn't know the behavior at home was unacceptable until I saw my friends with their parents and their relationships at home. I took police action despite that I was so afraid and scared of what this person would do, I still done it. It did get worse for a few days, sleepless nights and all that stuff however, everything is fine now. Feel free to PM me
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tsroli65
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#10
Report 7 months ago
#10
I am living in an exact samesituation, except the fact that I have no dad. everything else is the same. i get constant threats and abuse from both my mum and sister and i feel like i cant escape. I kept talking to my friend about this and i didnt even know its domestic violence until she told me. this shows that they have brainwashed me to the point of me being afraid to leave them because they made me think thry love me and try to do everything for me However, my friend told me that this is domestic abuse and i should get help asap. I am swallowing all their ****s for the last decade and now I got to thr point of looking for rooms so i can get out of here. I am still scared to tell thrm that I am moving because I know they will blame me for leaving them in a bad situation as they cannot pay for the flat since I pay for most things. I am also scared to call the police because im not sure they would do anything and even if they do, I dont know what my sister and mum would do with me.

my point is that if you are really feeling trapped, try to get help from a close friend, go to their house until you stand on your feet financially, emotionally etc and leave that ****hole.

i saw this is a 5 year old post but its not easy to escape from this situation so if you are still there, this is my advice

good luck
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