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Help me to stop liking him...

I've been really good friends with a guy at university and recently I've started to like him a bit more than a friend. The only problem is that I am not ready for a relationship at all and I'm certain that he really likes another girl (who is a lot closer to his age - there's a 9 year gap between us). It also presents a problem because I can't help but feel a strong resentment and jealously towards this other girl - who has been nothing but lovely to me and hasn't done anything wrong. In any other circumstance we would probably be amazing friends...

This crush is really bringing me down and making me feel ill sometimes just thinking about it - it hurts way too much :frown: I don't want to tell him because I don't want to lose my friendship at all with him and I don't want things to become weird between us.

Is there any way I can quash this crush once and for all and just go back to seeing him as a friend? It's really upsetting...

P.s. I do want to just stress that I'm not ready for a relationship and don't want to just take my chances by telling him. I have far too many other personal issues going on without my life being complicated by unwanted feelings. My friendship is far more valuable to me than a crush. Please help, it's really stressing me out!
Reply 1
Imagine him getting really fat
Stop liking him!
Honestly, it'll be hard. There's no quick solution 'to 'squash this crush once and for all'. As time goes by, you'll have to make yourself busy with other things like your studies, and convince yourself that it's 'just a crush'. :redface:
In my opinion I don't think you should tell him at all.. things will just get more complicated. If you're close with him then maybe start to detach yourself a bit, eg: only let him text you first or avoid meeting up with him/being with him in general when it's just you two. This may be hard but it'll help you see that you're cool without him. Try and focus on the other good friendships you have; at least until this passes.

It's quite probable that you've idealised him - you've focused on his good qualities which have clouded over his bad characteristics. It's called 'the halo effect.' Maybe think of things about him which your not so keen on and that could help deter you. I myself am going through something kind of similar in which a guy I like is obviously wrong for me and kinda a jerk, and yet I still find him attractive but don't want to. I've found not leading him on (aka flirting) and not making him feel like he's any more special than any other guy is helpful (sounds harsh but might work). Your situation sounds quite different but still relatable.

Also, you need to have reigns on your mind. If you're imagining what it would be like with him or having fantasies or whatever then this is NOT HELPFUL at all. Whenever you start thinking about him try and distract yourself or at least don't encourage those thoughts.

PS: is there any girly friends or someone close you could talk to about it? this would be ideal so you feel less trapped, sometimes just saying stuff aloud helps you see them clearer and not as much of a big deal. Another thing, are you the older one or the younger one between you?
Hope this helps in any way, just remember it will pass, try not to worry :smile:
Reply 5
Original post by Bethany247
In my opinion I don't think you should tell him at all.. things will just get more complicated. If you're close with him then maybe start to detach yourself a bit, eg: only let him text you first or avoid meeting up with him/being with him in general when it's just you two. This may be hard but it'll help you see that you're cool without him. Try and focus on the other good friendships you have; at least until this passes.

It's quite probable that you've idealised him - you've focused on his good qualities which have clouded over his bad characteristics. It's called 'the halo effect.' Maybe think of things about him which your not so keen on and that could help deter you. I myself am going through something kind of similar in which a guy I like is obviously wrong for me and kinda a jerk, and yet I still find him attractive but don't want to. I've found not leading him on (aka flirting) and not making him feel like he's any more special than any other guy is helpful (sounds harsh but might work). Your situation sounds quite different but still relatable.

Also, you need to have reigns on your mind. If you're imagining what it would be like with him or having fantasies or whatever then this is NOT HELPFUL at all. Whenever you start thinking about him try and distract yourself or at least don't encourage those thoughts.

PS: is there any girly friends or someone close you could talk to about it? this would be ideal so you feel less trapped, sometimes just saying stuff aloud helps you see them clearer and not as much of a big deal. Another thing, are you the older one or the younger one between you?
Hope this helps in any way, just remember it will pass, try not to worry :smile:


It's a bit tricky because he never texts me to arrange anything so if I contact him less and less, I worry that he won't bother contacting me at all - he has hundreds of other friends :/ I really don't want to lose my friendship but annoyingly he never goes out of his way to contact me...

I'm the younger one - he's 30 and I'm 21 but we are on the same course at Uni. He knows that there is someone I really like at Uni but he is absolutely clueless that it's him.

I'm hoping it will pass soon but the thought of him with the other girl is killing me :frown:

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