Such a loner

I know this may seem like a cry for attention but it's not what I intend. I just need somewhere to moan & get some feedback. I've posted a similar thread before I was hurt by some of the people who were offensive. If you're going to be like that, don't post please. It just makes me feel even more crapper!

Basically, I'm going through one of these phases where I feel ever so lonely. I'm at Uni in my 2nd year & I've not made any close friends at all. I'm confident around people I know or act friendly towards me, but the majority of the time I feel that people just don't want to know me/don't care so I'm just..... shy. I've been like it all my life really. Through school I had the same problem only I had close friends to turn to & although it used to upset me, at least I had friends who could cheer me up. Now, I've moved to Uni & unfortnatly am only in brief contact with 3 of my friends back home. My best friend has moved on & I'm fed up of sending the occassional text only for her not to reply. I know people move on but it seems so harsh. So I feel like I've lost my only friends. I have a boyfriend who I live with & I feel like I am relying on him so much. Because I don't have any proper friends, we do everything together & as much as I love him, I'd like to have friends that I can go out with & have a laugh.

I literally feel like I have no friends. My housemate doesn't bother with me, she's either with her boyfriend or out with her mates who don't make me feel welcome. I am literally in all the time & it depresses me. I wanted to go shopping tonight but I have no one to go with & hate going on my own. It sucks.

So yeah, just wanted some advice really. I know the usual response is to join a society, but there are literally none that interest me in the slightest (my uni is a bit crap & only has a few going). I've tried the whole get to know people better & it hasn't worked. I just get that unwelcome vibe off them. I'm so jeleous of these people that have come to Uni & made loads of friends.

I know its me. I know I'm a loner. I hate it.

Reply 1

icedsilhouette

If you were at my Uni you could be my friend!

umm make a soc?

Dramatic Star

I know this may seem like a cry for attention but it's not what I intend. I just need somewhere to moan & get some feedback. I've posted a similar thread before I was hurt by some of the people who were offensive. If you're going to be like that, don't post please. It just makes me feel even more crapper!

Basically, I'm going through one of these phases where I feel ever so lonely. I'm at Uni in my 2nd year & I've not made any close friends at all. I'm confident around people I know or act friendly towards me, but the majority of the time I feel that people just don't want to know me/don't care so I'm just..... shy. I've been like it all my life really. Through school I had the same problem only I had close friends to turn to & although it used to upset me, at least I had friends who could cheer me up. Now, I've moved to Uni & unfortnatly am only in brief contact with 3 of my friends back home. My best friend has moved on & I'm fed up of sending the occassional text only for her not to reply. I know people move on but it seems so harsh. So I feel like I've lost my only friends. I have a boyfriend who I live with & I feel like I am relying on him so much. Because I don't have any proper friends, we do everything together & as much as I love him, I'd like to have friends that I can go out with & have a laugh.

I literally feel like I have no friends. My housemate doesn't bother with me, she's either with her boyfriend or out with her mates who don't make me feel welcome. I am literally in all the time & it depresses me. I wanted to go shopping tonight but I have no one to go with & hate going on my own. It sucks.

So yeah, just wanted some advice really. I know the usual response is to join a society, but there are literally none that interest me in the slightest (my uni is a bit crap & only has a few going). I've tried the whole get to know people better & it hasn't worked. I just get that unwelcome vibe off them. I'm so jeleous of these people that have come to Uni & made loads of friends.

I know its me. I know I'm a loner. I hate it.

Bless.

I'd take you out.

Reply 4

daytona0

Profesh

Bless.

I'd take you out.

Reply 5

Profesh

20

daytona0

Were your badinage as awesome as mine, you'd sense an obligation to those less fortunate.

Reply 6

elisabethbridge

1

Unfortunately I can't give you any good advice really, but I can totally understand you. I've been in the same sort of possition during the last five years or so (with the exception that I haven't attended uni yet). I'm familiar with not having close friends and no one to hang out with. I've also tried to get to know to people, but it's the unwelcome vibe that I always get... :frown:

It sounds cheesy, but you just have to believe in yourself and that one day you'll meet people who are genuinely interested in being your friends. I got a glimpse of what I could have in June when backpacking through Europe. I met loads of great people who were really friendly and I felt comfortable around them.

And I'm sure it's not just you. After all you've got a boyfriend so you must be an interesting and kind person :hugs:

.

Reply 7

Dramatic Star

OP

2

Thanks guys, really that was the type of 'advice' I was expecting.

elisabethbridge

Unfortunately I can't give you any good advice really, but I can totally understand you. I've been in the same sort of possition during the last five years or so (with the exception that I haven't attended uni yet). I'm familiar with not having close friends and no one to hang out with. I've also tried to get to know to people, but it's the unwelcome vibe that I always get... :frown:

It sounds cheesy, but you just have to believe in yourself and that one day you'll meet people who are genuinely interested in being your friends. I got a glimpse of what I could have in June when backpacking through Europe. I met loads of great people who were really friendly and I felt comfortable around them.

And I'm sure it's not just you. After all you've got a boyfriend so you must be an interesting and kind person :hugs:

.

Thanks

I find it hard to make friends & the ones I have made have drifted away. It's been like this all my life so sorry for being not very optimistic, but its gonna be hard to change. I've got a placement year next year which will be an opportunity to make new friends I guess, so I have that to look forward to. xx

Reply 8

mrjos

Dramatic Star

Thanks

I find it hard to make friends & the ones I have made have drifted away. It's been like this all my life so sorry for being not very optimistic, but its gonna be hard to change. I've got a placement year next year which will be an opportunity to make new friends I guess, so I have that to look forward to. xx

Placement year sounds like an awesome way to meet new Friends. I'm a loner too and I've always found that new experiences and places bring out something different in me (I'd like to say the best, but I'd be lying) and help me find new and (sometimes) interesting people to be around.

In the mean-time I think the only thing you can do, is try for some smaller new experiences, are there any pubs/bars/clubs that you'd be comfortable trying locally? If there are, try them, you may find some nice locals there.

Don't be worried about leaning on your boyfriend either, spending time with someone who you care for and cares for you is probably the best thing you can do with your time. Have you socialised with his friends much? Or the partners/family of his friends? I've found that can be an amazing way to meet people in the past.

Do you have any hobbies btw? I've found that when I've been without people in my life for a while, that a pass time has managed to keep me in a positive mood and given me some sort of feeling of achievement (especially in craft related hobbies).

If you're not working at the moment, perhaps you could have a walk around locally and ask about work. At worst you'll get to chat to some new people, you can even say 'Hi!' to them again whenever you walk past their shops (especially true for smaller ones) and perhaps initiate conversations on a more regular basis that way. I've had one or two relationships develop in that sort of fashion.

It's been said before (and is very cliché), but nothing in life worth having comes easy, and it's true for a good friendship, you might have to work at hundreds of potential friendships to get a collection of good, close ones. You come across as a nice person and I'd be confident in saying, with patience, you'll find some new friendships.

Reply 9

lasttoiletroll

ahh you sound like me, living with my boyfriend, - i socialise with my boyfriends friends though, was lucky enough to be living with nice people in my first year and am living with one of them now (and her boyfriends always round so thats one extra person), and met my boyf through another ex housemate (this ex housemates livin next door). haven't made any friends of my own though, and i doubt i will. get worried about leaning on my boyfriend too much but hes started doing it too. also have drifted from my best friend whos got herself a new one. bit scary, especially when i think about the future and potential lonliness.
your placement year sounds like a great opportunity to meet people and make friends though or at least work on your friend making technique :smile:

Reply 10

andrewjh009

2

I am actually in my final year at UOD (Business Management) and can relate to what you have posted, i talk to my flatmates in halls but its more on an aquaintance basis since they are international students and have their own friends that they have met previously, the language barriers make things difficult too.

Contact time on the final year is quite low so its not often i see the people i chat to on the course.

Not many students seem to do placements here but the few people i know that have done them have been very pleased with them.

I did join the Hockey and Rowing clubs this year which have been quite good and its a good way to meet new people, i wouldn't worry about not being good at sports etc because they have different skill levels/teams etc and its more a social thing really. I didn't wont to join clubs etc at first here as i wanted to make friends through my course and living accomodation initially, but the clubs seem to be soley populated by uk students meaning it is easier to socialise and the common interest and team emphasis helps, the boozing games can be a little boring but its better than staying in i have found.

I think with you still being a seccond year, you perhaps have more time to gel with your coursemates, i know of a few people who lived with their original halls of residence friends in year 2 as it was kind of an easy option but as they got to know their coursemates more they moved in with them for final year. I think on more generic courses like business and marketing it is harder to find people you have a great deal in common with.

In some ways i feel i have drawn the short straw, especially since its unlikely i will pick up any numbers from people in halls yet again this year, (i spend most weekends at home generally) but i have to appreciate i could be more forward in my conversation skills, as a recurring theme is that i'm often the 'quiet' one, but i think finishing the course will give me some confidence that i didn't really have when i first came to uni.

Its sometimes too easy to become preocupied with what others are doing at uni and feel like you arn't doing enough etc, you have to live for yourself and find the right balance, alone time and social time, perhaps like me you find social situations a little difficult especially if some of the others have known eachother a while / become more estabished etc, it will usually pass after a few months of knowing the person (the right persons for you), you have to see these unwelcoming people as insignificant, plenty of other people will want to know you.

Good luck :smile:

Reply 11

whitetiger09

hmmm... thats a difficult situation cos youre not a loner by choice. so.. well.. i have no idea what to suggest. Sorry mate..

Such a loner

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