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Being a mentor, being liked, or just being plain used!?
Why is it always me?!?!? 
Most girls I know, or have known, in uni, and every girl mate I've been fairly close to, have always "relied upon me" as a mentor to help them through the course. This is thanks to word spreading that I may be good at this or that and that I am reliable or whatever. It gets so boring, and if it wasn't for my intelligence, I may not be that close to x person. That proves that people are in it for just my intelligence. God sometimes I just hate being clever because from my experience everyone wants a piece of me! That and the fact that it makes the entire friendship boring and predictable. The usual activities are txts/messages on msn exchanged about uni work, arranging to meet up at a certain time, and revising together. Reaaally fun. Only once did I know a girl who would give something in return in that she invited me out to parties with her mates who I didn't know, but my bad luck meant those were cancelled.
Here is the latest situation. I am in the last year of uni, working on my dissertation, and I met a gal at the SU. I ask her what course she is studying, etc, and we get talking - about the books she needs, as I have them. So I sell her the books she wants. We talk on MSN, where not all of the conversation, if any of it, is based upon work. However, she seems to drop faint "signs", which are nothing solid. She says I have a nice name, and when I ask why it's a surprise, she says o just, she usually (or did) make conversation with me, would take an interest in the latest news (like I said that I ordered something, and she asks in uni straight away if it's arrived), is impressed with my skills at certain things*, seemed to hint to wanting to go out to a party when she was mentioning a graduating ceremony out of the blue and I said I need a party and she said when do you want to go and she let me know of one in uni (possible hint?), complimented my name, tells me to get things for her (which she could get herself, dunno why she told me), she asks a lot of questions (the last girl which did this arguably liked me), and tells me to watch her stuff when she has other mates around. Also, there is something about how she greets me over msn that has me intrigued.
All of that sounds positive, but the problem is, she is starting her university career and I'm finishing mine (first yr vs last yr), and my mate said she sees me as a source for help which is extremely likely and a big let down for me. I'm always told I'm clever, I'm in my last yr, it's the same story with any other girl mate, so I feel it will be like this with this girl. It would also explain how she wanted me to help her with work in private (which one of my friends said may have been a chance to spend time in private in me but who knows).
Does she like me? Or am I going to get used?
Most girls I know, or have known, in uni, and every girl mate I've been fairly close to, have always "relied upon me" as a mentor to help them through the course. This is thanks to word spreading that I may be good at this or that and that I am reliable or whatever. It gets so boring, and if it wasn't for my intelligence, I may not be that close to x person. That proves that people are in it for just my intelligence. God sometimes I just hate being clever because from my experience everyone wants a piece of me! That and the fact that it makes the entire friendship boring and predictable. The usual activities are txts/messages on msn exchanged about uni work, arranging to meet up at a certain time, and revising together. Reaaally fun. Only once did I know a girl who would give something in return in that she invited me out to parties with her mates who I didn't know, but my bad luck meant those were cancelled.
Here is the latest situation. I am in the last year of uni, working on my dissertation, and I met a gal at the SU. I ask her what course she is studying, etc, and we get talking - about the books she needs, as I have them. So I sell her the books she wants. We talk on MSN, where not all of the conversation, if any of it, is based upon work. However, she seems to drop faint "signs", which are nothing solid. She says I have a nice name, and when I ask why it's a surprise, she says o just, she usually (or did) make conversation with me, would take an interest in the latest news (like I said that I ordered something, and she asks in uni straight away if it's arrived), is impressed with my skills at certain things*, seemed to hint to wanting to go out to a party when she was mentioning a graduating ceremony out of the blue and I said I need a party and she said when do you want to go and she let me know of one in uni (possible hint?), complimented my name, tells me to get things for her (which she could get herself, dunno why she told me), she asks a lot of questions (the last girl which did this arguably liked me), and tells me to watch her stuff when she has other mates around. Also, there is something about how she greets me over msn that has me intrigued.
All of that sounds positive, but the problem is, she is starting her university career and I'm finishing mine (first yr vs last yr), and my mate said she sees me as a source for help which is extremely likely and a big let down for me. I'm always told I'm clever, I'm in my last yr, it's the same story with any other girl mate, so I feel it will be like this with this girl. It would also explain how she wanted me to help her with work in private (which one of my friends said may have been a chance to spend time in private in me but who knows).
Does she like me? Or am I going to get used?
Reply 1
why don't you stand up for yourself and stop doing other people's work for them?
It's obvious this girl likes you. Yes, as she is just starting and you are just finishing she may look to you from time to time for guidance but then wouldnt you do that if you were, say, starting a new job and one of your mates had worked there for four years?
Come on, it's natural to expect your friends to help you out on occasion, and you have to remember that you are free to ask your friends for things as often as they ask you. But you also have to remember the word "No" and stop helping people if you don't want to.
It might sound horrible and you might find it hard at first, but you can't choose to help someone and then get upset when they expect you to help/tell other people how much you helped.
Also, if you want to stop helping people out, stop using that to talk to them in the first place... instead of offering to sell books etc, ask them what they do for a hobby/where they hang out etc etc and take the focus off the fact that you are obviously a great wealth of knowledge, and available for help.
It's obvious this girl likes you. Yes, as she is just starting and you are just finishing she may look to you from time to time for guidance but then wouldnt you do that if you were, say, starting a new job and one of your mates had worked there for four years?
Come on, it's natural to expect your friends to help you out on occasion, and you have to remember that you are free to ask your friends for things as often as they ask you. But you also have to remember the word "No" and stop helping people if you don't want to.
It might sound horrible and you might find it hard at first, but you can't choose to help someone and then get upset when they expect you to help/tell other people how much you helped.
Also, if you want to stop helping people out, stop using that to talk to them in the first place... instead of offering to sell books etc, ask them what they do for a hobby/where they hang out etc etc and take the focus off the fact that you are obviously a great wealth of knowledge, and available for help.
Reply 2
who knows mate, I am the same in that I'm good at my course and I do find myself helping some girls...lads are normally too proud to ask for help, but girls who are serious about doing well in their degree will gravitate naturally towards someone who gives off an air of knowing what they are doing.
All I will say is the golden rule for providing help is you're doing it because you genuinely want to help a person rather than a way to buy time and attention from them because you fancy them. If I felt I was being used I'd soon sack my study-girls off.
All I will say is the golden rule for providing help is you're doing it because you genuinely want to help a person rather than a way to buy time and attention from them because you fancy them. If I felt I was being used I'd soon sack my study-girls off.
Reply 3
ooh get you! lol kidding. I think you've answered many of your own questions there already. It's really good of you to be so helpful to others, though I'm guessing you don't get much help in return for your efforts? Knowledge is a wonderful thing to share but it is a shame when people blatantly go and use people. I'm not saying that this is the case, maybe she's just very grateful that you're helping her out and her paying you compliments, is her way of saying thank you.
You're not unhappy about the way you are are you?
You're not unhappy about the way you are are you?
Reply 4
sorry, that sounds a little harsher than i meant it to. But I just think you have allowed yourself to be walked over far too much!
Ps I have been in your situation - I did my flatmate's degree (same as mine, but i got all her notes, taught her all the stuff for exams, let her "use my essays as a basis for hers") for 2 years before i got wise to it and said no.
We are no longer friends and she failed her 3rd year but at the end of the day that's her problem not mine... she couldn't hack the course, didn't know her stuff and therefore didn't deserve the degree she would have got had i continued helping her.
Ps I have been in your situation - I did my flatmate's degree (same as mine, but i got all her notes, taught her all the stuff for exams, let her "use my essays as a basis for hers") for 2 years before i got wise to it and said no.
We are no longer friends and she failed her 3rd year but at the end of the day that's her problem not mine... she couldn't hack the course, didn't know her stuff and therefore didn't deserve the degree she would have got had i continued helping her.
Reply 5
I put the asterisk in my first post and that was meant to be to say that her pathway is similar to mine, so I have no essays to give her nor can I help her with her future ambition/career choice. However, her 1sty r is the same as mine and in some areas I am very strong.
I didn't really say to her that I'm very clever, rather she asked me what I got for my A levels/first year, and what I am aiming to get and where I want to work. From that she made her own opinions, and given my previous grades, her opinion would always be the same as everyone else's. Also, I try to stay as a closed book unless I'm really good mates with someone but my friends let my friends know that I'm reliable/efficient etc (well my uni mates that I've worked with at A level tell my uni mates from other colleges that). In business, once you have an image, it is easy to kill it, but not in my case.
I don't really need help from other mates with uni stuff, as I have enough books to read and software to play with so I teach myself.
On the other hand, I actually do want to help this girl as it means time alone (even if nothing interesting will happen there), and it makes uni a bit more interesting then the usual "go to lecture play pool come home" days I have. It'll be more interesting as she is new and does at least come across as fun and sociable (in the SU every now and then, other girls I know don't mix). By helping her alone, at least I can get to know her better and away from all the noise - nothing wrong with that. She does repay the favour in her own way. I do also help other girls who I'm not attracted to - but they do approach me, and the help is not often. So yes I'm confused and full of double standards!
And there is nothing rude in this thread! Just straight up honesty and things in black and white, which I don't feel I have with this girl - or any other girl I've known, lol. I actually wanted to talk to people who state things in black and white.
I didn't really say to her that I'm very clever, rather she asked me what I got for my A levels/first year, and what I am aiming to get and where I want to work. From that she made her own opinions, and given my previous grades, her opinion would always be the same as everyone else's. Also, I try to stay as a closed book unless I'm really good mates with someone but my friends let my friends know that I'm reliable/efficient etc (well my uni mates that I've worked with at A level tell my uni mates from other colleges that). In business, once you have an image, it is easy to kill it, but not in my case.
I don't really need help from other mates with uni stuff, as I have enough books to read and software to play with so I teach myself.
On the other hand, I actually do want to help this girl as it means time alone (even if nothing interesting will happen there), and it makes uni a bit more interesting then the usual "go to lecture play pool come home" days I have. It'll be more interesting as she is new and does at least come across as fun and sociable (in the SU every now and then, other girls I know don't mix). By helping her alone, at least I can get to know her better and away from all the noise - nothing wrong with that. She does repay the favour in her own way. I do also help other girls who I'm not attracted to - but they do approach me, and the help is not often. So yes I'm confused and full of double standards!
And there is nothing rude in this thread! Just straight up honesty and things in black and white, which I don't feel I have with this girl - or any other girl I've known, lol. I actually wanted to talk to people who state things in black and white.
Reply 6
Anonymous
Why is it always me?!?!?
Most girls I know, or have known, in uni, and every girl mate I've been fairly close to, have always "relied upon me" as a mentor to help them through the course. This is thanks to word spreading that I may be good at this or that and that I am reliable or whatever. It gets so boring, and if it wasn't for my intelligence, I may not be that close to x person. That proves that people are in it for just my intelligence. God sometimes I just hate being clever because from my experience everyone wants a piece of me! That and the fact that it makes the entire friendship boring and predictable. The usual activities are txts/messages on msn exchanged about uni work, arranging to meet up at a certain time, and revising together. Reaaally fun. Only once did I know a girl who would give something in return in that she invited me out to parties with her mates who I didn't know, but my bad luck meant those were cancelled.
Here is the latest situation. I am in the last year of uni, working on my dissertation, and I met a gal at the SU. I ask her what course she is studying, etc, and we get talking - about the books she needs, as I have them. So I sell her the books she wants. We talk on MSN, where not all of the conversation, if any of it, is based upon work. However, she seems to drop faint "signs", which are nothing solid. She says I have a nice name, and when I ask why it's a surprise, she says o just, she usually (or did) make conversation with me, would take an interest in the latest news (like I said that I ordered something, and she asks in uni straight away if it's arrived), is impressed with my skills at certain things*, seemed to hint to wanting to go out to a party when she was mentioning a graduating ceremony out of the blue and I said I need a party and she said when do you want to go and she let me know of one in uni (possible hint?), complimented my name, tells me to get things for her (which she could get herself, dunno why she told me), she asks a lot of questions (the last girl which did this arguably liked me), and tells me to watch her stuff when she has other mates around. Also, there is something about how she greets me over msn that has me intrigued.
All of that sounds positive, but the problem is, she is starting her university career and I'm finishing mine (first yr vs last yr), and my mate said she sees me as a source for help which is extremely likely and a big let down for me. I'm always told I'm clever, I'm in my last yr, it's the same story with any other girl mate, so I feel it will be like this with this girl. It would also explain how she wanted me to help her with work in private (which one of my friends said may have been a chance to spend time in private in me but who knows).
Does she like me? Or am I going to get used?
Most girls I know, or have known, in uni, and every girl mate I've been fairly close to, have always "relied upon me" as a mentor to help them through the course. This is thanks to word spreading that I may be good at this or that and that I am reliable or whatever. It gets so boring, and if it wasn't for my intelligence, I may not be that close to x person. That proves that people are in it for just my intelligence. God sometimes I just hate being clever because from my experience everyone wants a piece of me! That and the fact that it makes the entire friendship boring and predictable. The usual activities are txts/messages on msn exchanged about uni work, arranging to meet up at a certain time, and revising together. Reaaally fun. Only once did I know a girl who would give something in return in that she invited me out to parties with her mates who I didn't know, but my bad luck meant those were cancelled.
Here is the latest situation. I am in the last year of uni, working on my dissertation, and I met a gal at the SU. I ask her what course she is studying, etc, and we get talking - about the books she needs, as I have them. So I sell her the books she wants. We talk on MSN, where not all of the conversation, if any of it, is based upon work. However, she seems to drop faint "signs", which are nothing solid. She says I have a nice name, and when I ask why it's a surprise, she says o just, she usually (or did) make conversation with me, would take an interest in the latest news (like I said that I ordered something, and she asks in uni straight away if it's arrived), is impressed with my skills at certain things*, seemed to hint to wanting to go out to a party when she was mentioning a graduating ceremony out of the blue and I said I need a party and she said when do you want to go and she let me know of one in uni (possible hint?), complimented my name, tells me to get things for her (which she could get herself, dunno why she told me), she asks a lot of questions (the last girl which did this arguably liked me), and tells me to watch her stuff when she has other mates around. Also, there is something about how she greets me over msn that has me intrigued.
All of that sounds positive, but the problem is, she is starting her university career and I'm finishing mine (first yr vs last yr), and my mate said she sees me as a source for help which is extremely likely and a big let down for me. I'm always told I'm clever, I'm in my last yr, it's the same story with any other girl mate, so I feel it will be like this with this girl. It would also explain how she wanted me to help her with work in private (which one of my friends said may have been a chance to spend time in private in me but who knows).
Does she like me? Or am I going to get used?
I didn't read that post in it's entirety, but I can gauge from the replies what the problem is. May I implement the concept of 'pussy payments'...
Reply 7
16
I help people too sometimes when I can - the point is you help them understand so they can apply it to analogous cases - and actually be able to use the stuff - any idiot can copy.
Thats whats great about teaching - you empower, you are not a slave.
Thats whats great about teaching - you empower, you are not a slave.
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