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Having a terrible time at University

First year at Uni. I'm having a crap time. I don't really know anyone, the people on my floor are totally not my kind of people at all and I seem to spend most of my time in my room. I'm spectacularly quiet and shy, so meeting people is really hard. On top of that, I'm really struggling with the work.

I'm not sure what to do in order to meet people. I don't feel I have enough confidence to turn up to random places like societies, and people seem to end up in cliques very quickly and don't seem to be open or friendly. I don't really have any interests like sport (I'm too geekified), and I think I come across as pretentious rather than friendly.

I'm worried that I'm going to spend the rest of my year on my own and not be able to find anywhere to live next year. :frown:

Reply 1

naivesincerity

2

I sympathise with the stress of it. Not easy to deal with at all. I'd try and meet some people other places who may not be like the one you have so far. Then maybe you'll feel better about the work and stuff. Persevere with that and you should scrape through, you don't have to get stunning marks, just get through it

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

Well, hopefully I'll be able to catchup over Christmas... Finding it really hard to concentrate, but meh.

The most annoying thing is when I do talk to people, all they do talk about is what they've been doing (mainly going out and getting drunk at various places). I can hardly relate and reply back, as I haven't.

Reply 3

bone-machine

9

dont worry about not finding anywhere to live next year...if worst comes to worst, what happens is that people who have hosues are often left with needing to fill up a room ie one of their people drops out, or second years who have people going away on year outs and want to keep theri hosues ..so they advertise /look for a housemate...and they are very likely to prefer a quiet person..so dont worry about that angle of things because there are always back ups.

as for feeling lonely....uni is very cliquey...im not sure why it is really. but i would suggest just plucking up a bit of courage and going to a society...does your uni do 'give it a go' things?...ie days that societies have where anyone can go along for minimal cost try somthing new out...you should target societies that would involve interaction with other people..ie dance might not be good because thats quite individual....just give it another try....

good luck and remember even though it doesnt seem it, its early days yet..i was sort of in your position last year...but then i went on a field trip organised by my course around xmas and met all my good friends properly there....so theres another hint..any field trips are definitely worht the money!!

Reply 4

Rooftopcowboy

12

im having issues with my housemates, in that we arnt similar people...which is an awful situation...as none of them are 'bad' people as such, just not my kind of people anymore. They all want to do research and postgrad studies etc etc, whereas i see my degree merely as a peice of paper to get good job with..and would rather be out having fun.

so im stuck here trying to be 'freinds' but its becoming more annoying as the days go by, and im honestly only here to finish my degree now...the social side of things has just about died a death (my housemates work constantly, and have got more and more yuppie about work as the year has progressed, to an extent that they hardly stop to eat or have fun anymore)

so (tries to give advice to the o/p!) maybe you could ask to move flats/rooms, one of my current housemates hated her first term in halls because of who she was living with, but managed to get a move over christmas to another flat and the rest of the year was great. So maybe ask uni if this is an option.

Reply 5

naivesincerity

2

bone-machine

.uni is very cliquey...im not sure why it is really.

'cos people are still very immature at that age.

Reply 6

Tomber

13

Rooftopcowboy

im having issues with my housemates, in that we arnt similar people...which is an awful situation...as none of them are 'bad' people as such, just not my kind of people anymore. They all want to do research and postgrad studies etc etc, whereas i see my degree merely as a peice of paper to get good job with..and would rather be out having fun.

so im stuck here trying to be 'freinds' but its becoming more annoying as the days go by, and im honestly only here to finish my degree now...the social side of things has just about died a death (my housemates work constantly, and have got more and more yuppie about work as the year has progressed, to an extent that they hardly stop to eat or have fun anymore)

so (tries to give advice to the o/p!) maybe you could ask to move flats/rooms, one of my current housemates hated her first term in halls because of who she was living with, but managed to get a move over christmas to another flat and the rest of the year was great. So maybe ask uni if this is an option.

^^ I wish my housemates were like that too : (

Reply 7

wackysparkle

14

what about people in your course? - does your course offer group work? thats the time to make the friends. Or, you could just sit at the lecture hall, then talk to the person sitting next to you, but since your shy, you could just sit down next to some one random and make a comment: ugh not her again, she's soo boring! -- that ususally works- gets a convo started up

Reply 8

Llama Face!

it's hard, and i admit, there is a stage that you've left it too long and people are already comfortable in their own groups. but still, everyone always wants to meet new people and have new friends. so if you have a communual area, like a kitchen or something, go sit there and just make yourself known, and talk every now and then. your flatmates prob just think you're shy, or have your own friends, and will be pleasantly surprised if you start talking to them, even if it is just basic conversation. and then if they're planning on going out, they'll be more inclined to invite you. and although you may notlike the whole alcoholic side of a student's life, you do have to put aside your judgements and go out. You dont have to drink, just dont judge your friends for drinking, because that won't make you popular. and when you go out, you're fairly likely to see people off your course, and you'll have stuff to talk about in class, and you'll also have stuff to talk about with your flat.

and people always talk about themselves, and their lives, prob because they know nothing about you, and therefore don't know what to talk about, so their nights out with each other prob seem like good conversations, because you both know the people involved.

Just keep making an effort, i know it's hard,because you're shy, but it's university, people are just people, and there are people out there like you, you've just got to socialise with others until you find them. don't give up!

Reply 9

Crimson Black

13

If you go to a London uni, I'm gonna be in a house where I'll need two (potentially three) more flatmates next year (they're off on their year abroad). So, if necessary, PM me. :smile:

Bit early to be thinking about that though.

Reply 10

Sithius

16

naivesincerity

'cos people are still very immature at that age.

That doesn't stop people telling me uni students are mature and how easy it is to make friends for who you are blah blah blah :/

;D

Having a terrible time at University

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