What do you think of this descriptive essay starting paragraph of mine? Grade it. Watch

Pinkpearl14
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IntegralSergal
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After reading this paragraph, I would absolutely grade it as a solid A. Your descriptions of the firework display were very strong. My favorite part of the paragraph was your "paint palette" description, which really painted the scene quite well (no pun intended).

However, if you specified and described the exact colors of display rather than using the broad term, and emphasized the beauty of the colors during the scene, I think, in my opinion, the paragraph would be even more outstanding than it already is...but it's not a big problem at all, just a consideration.

In all, the paragraph is fantastic!
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Pinkpearl14
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(Original post by IntegralSergal)
After reading this paragraph, I would absolutely grade it as a solid A. Your descriptions of the firework display were very strong. My favorite part of the paragraph was your "paint palette" description, which really painted the scene quite well (no pun intended).

However, if you specified and described the exact colors of display rather than using the broad term, and emphasized the beauty of the colors during the scene, I think, in my opinion, the paragraph would be even more outstanding than it already is...but it's not a big problem at all, just a consideration.

In all, the paragraph is fantastic!
Hiya thank you so much for your lovely comments and advice. Please have a look at the additional paragraph I added keeping your advice in mind.
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IntegralSergal
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(Original post by Pinkpearl14)
Hiya thank you so much for your lovely comments and advice. Please have a look at the additional paragraph I added keeping your advice in mind.
You're very welcome!

Your second paragraph is, by all means, an imagery-lover's dream! The descriptions you provided in the additional paragraph really accentuated the radiance of the scene in an almost poetic manner. I'm actually really impressed by your additional paragraph, and by all means can I see that you incorporated my consideration very strongly.

Thank you for taking my consideration, and the only advice I could possibly give is to keep at it! I couldn't write it any better! Impressive work. :clap2:
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Placeboo123
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(Original post by Pinkpearl14)
Describe a scene at a firework display
Dancing above in the sky were bright sparks of colours which illuminated the dark, black sky. The night was filled with loud and colourful explosions of flickering ignite in the atmosphere. It was like a dance of colours above us. It seemed as if the sun was shining bright at night and we had a “sunny night” instead of “sunny day!” The glimmering sparks of fire looked as vivid as a shelf full of food colours. I could smell gunpowder tickling my nose and the strong dust hugging my face from all that blazing hot air. Brightening the black sky, the stunning, multi-coloured streaks of light glittered the darkness like a paint palette being poured in crackling fire. Glints were reaching up high like a colourful kangaroo hopping for food available above its height. Massive star-shaped twinkles whizzed around and around as multiple explosions of flames happened together in the sky. The shining lines of colour fought with each other as they pushed one another to be the centre of attention amongst the screaming crowds who carefully stared into the spectacular beauty of the bright flashes restlessly searching for the most fine-looking fiery flame. Flared in the sky were the flamboyant stripes of hot....roaring and sizzlinghue releasing scorching smoke as the cool air slapped the calming fire-material. Wavy bands of colours whirled into the sky as fast as a rocket. Up, up, up and up they went reflecting luminosity all around the dark scene. It was like a thousand light bulbs lighting up a 15-storey building all at once when the lights had gone off together in every single section of the building.

The neon ostentatious orange and yellow fire-like flamy splash of fluorescent thin threads exitingly bursted in the sky as if disco lights were rotating rather pirouetting from the top of the planet. It seemed like a curvy rainbow had changed shape into broad and bright spiky stars and twirled erraticly. Many of them harmoniously exploded in a ear-splitting yet a unique flowing sound as if they were frizzling intoxicatingly. Emerald green, sapphire blue, tourmaline pink, amethyst purple and red garnet flashed in the clear black background in a smooth slideshow-like display ,continuously featuring a dash of all these electrifying colours which were twisting like a whole paint pallete being mixed then splattered together to create a improvised piece of art on one gigantic canvas. The gleams of radiant colours were as captivating and scintillating as the iridescent gemstone, ammolite. I could capture the glossy beam of magma orange relecting one last time as it swiftly flashed in my eyes before fading sneakily into the coal-black sky.

Please grade from A* - G
No copying. Do not copy.
It's gr8 m8, i r8 8/8.
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Scott Knaggs
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Copied lol. Soz
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Scott Knaggs
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(Original post by Scott Knaggs)
Copied lol. Soz
Got a problem with that, email me
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sdnbsdksdjka
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this is absolutely shockingly ****. The use of a thesaurus makes it untrue toward your writing talents. I have never read something so dreadful
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