Don't know what to say.

19

I really wanna try and make some more friends, but i am quite shy with people i don't know and just never know what to say in conversation with new people. I'm fine with my friends and i tend to be ok if other people talk to me and they start the conversation, but if its up to me to join in and say things then i find it really difficult and often end up not really saying anything. What do people talk about in conversations with new people? How can i make it easier for me to make friends and contribute to conversations?
Also, i doubt people have noticed this but, alot of the time if i try to contribute to conversations they talk over me, i will start saying something and they will just cut in over me as if i'm not even there. Even my brest friends have done this a couple of times which is why i think they haven't noticed it. It really gets me down, cos it just makes me think, why do i even bother opening my mouth at all and then they go and ask me why i don't talk and keep telling me that i should get to know more people. Maybe i would if they gave me a chance.

Reply 1

andy_cole2

14

talk louder, think whaat you want to say is interesting and be more confident. do bother opening your mouth :p:

and giving a chance is really all about who talks loudest, anyone wil be heard if they talk above the rest.

Reply 2

hippieglitter

OP

19

That's the problem, my natural voice is not very loud and i struggle making it louder unless i really am required to (e.g. on stage).

Reply 3

deekinee

Maybe it's not to do with your confidence or voice level.

It's to do with intelligence and wisdom. You lack in them.

Reply 4

hippieglitter

OP

19

deekinee

Maybe it's not to do with your confidence or voice level.

It's to do with intelligence and wisdom. You lack in them.

If you can't think of anything helpful to say, don't say anything at all.

Reply 5

deekinee

hippieglitter

If you can't think of anything helpful to say, don't say anything at all.

If you don't know what to say then don't say anything at all.
I have been helpful. I have helped the OP to identify his problems.

Reply 6

alkaeda

3

deekinee

Maybe it's not to do with your confidence or voice level.

It's to do with intelligence and wisdom. You lack in them.

Reply 7

Elements

13

hippieglitter

I really wanna try and make some more friends, but i am quite shy with people i don't know and just never know what to say in conversation with new people. I'm fine with my friends and i tend to be ok if other people talk to me and they start the conversation, but if its up to me to join in and say things then i find it really difficult and often end up not really saying anything. What do people talk about in conversations with new people? How can i make it easier for me to make friends and contribute to conversations?
Also, i doubt people have noticed this but, alot of the time if i try to contribute to conversations they talk over me, i will start saying something and they will just cut in over me as if i'm not even there. Even my brest friends have done this a couple of times which is why i think they haven't noticed it. It really gets me down, cos it just makes me think, why do i even bother opening my mouth at all and then they go and ask me why i don't talk and keep telling me that i should get to know more people. Maybe i would if they gave me a chance.

! That sounds like me! :hugs:

Reply 8

Sezkin

11

To the OP: Think positive and force yourself to be more confident. Try talking to people without your friends around and maybe you'll have a chance to reveal your interesting personality :biggrin:

.

If you want to join in with people, say what you think! People like it when random things come out of your head rather than agreeing with what they say...etc. Good luck. :p:

Reply 9

hippieglitter

OP

19

deekinee

If you don't know what to say then don't say anything at all.
I have been helpful. I have helped the OP to identify his problems.

Firstly it's her, and you haven't helped me identify anything apart from the fact that i don't like you.

Reply 10

40550

2

hippieglitter

Firstly it's her, and you haven't helped me identify anything apart from the fact that i don't like you.

You go girl.

I don't think there is any easy way. You just have to get in there. Its not easy to be outgoing and chatty when you aren't used to it. Thats why you have to push yourself. If you wouldn't normally say something at such and such a point, make yourself say something.

As for things to talk about, go with the flow. Likelihood is somebodys got gossip they want to share, form an opinion about it and speak up. Just say what you think. Your opinion matters as much as everyone elses.

Reply 11

Eternity Forever

12

hippieglitter

I really wanna try and make some more friends, but i am quite shy with people i don't know and just never know what to say in conversation with new people. I'm fine with my friends and i tend to be ok if other people talk to me and they start the conversation, but if its up to me to join in and say things then i find it really difficult and often end up not really saying anything. What do people talk about in conversations with new people? How can i make it easier for me to make friends and contribute to conversations?
Also, i doubt people have noticed this but, alot of the time if i try to contribute to conversations they talk over me, i will start saying something and they will just cut in over me as if i'm not even there. Even my brest friends have done this a couple of times which is why i think they haven't noticed it. It really gets me down, cos it just makes me think, why do i even bother opening my mouth at all and then they go and ask me why i don't talk and keep telling me that i should get to know more people. Maybe i would if they gave me a chance.

I know what you mean. I am a bit like that too. Just be nice and friendly to those that deserve it, you don't have to be a loud mouth to prove that you can take part in a conversation. If they are cutting in whilst you're trying to speak then they are just idiots, don't feel down about it. Also, try to find people that you can have a mature conversation with (they are more likely to listen to you) :smile:

Reply 12

hannah_dru

2

hippieglitter

I really wanna try and make some more friends, but i am quite shy with people i don't know and just never know what to say in conversation with new people. I'm fine with my friends and i tend to be ok if other people talk to me and they start the conversation, but if its up to me to join in and say things then i find it really difficult and often end up not really saying anything. What do people talk about in conversations with new people? How can i make it easier for me to make friends and contribute to conversations?

That happens to me as well. I found I've gotten better, because I just talk about anything.

Reply 13

Princess_Peach

the usual: weather, tv, clothes, sex.

Reply 14

deekinee

alkaeda

Nice to know I'm still have a sense of humour.

Reply 15

deekinee

hippieglitter

Firstly it's her, and you haven't helped me identify anything apart from the fact that i don't like you.

You are still in denial. I have helped you.

You are not able to start conversations not because your voice is too quiet or you are shy, but because you have not intelligent.

Increase your intelligence so you have a larger variety of things to talk about.

Everyone hates me because I strip them of their deluded thoughts and I show them the truth to life and offer them a solution. They prefer living in denial so they choose to be right and hate me instead of progressing.

Reply 16

Longshoredrift80

10

deekinee

You are not able to start conversations not because your voice is too quiet or you are shy, but because you have not intelligent.
The irony.

Reply 17

spoonboy

I'm also quite rubbish at small talk especially in a group it's basically because I have nothing to say. Even if everyone else is talking about something I know all about, I actually can't think of anything relevant to add. Or I can think of something to say but I don't bother because I don't think it's important. Anyway I do have a couple of tips that may or may not be useful.

hippieglitter

I really wanna try and make some more friends, but i am quite shy with people i don't know and just never know what to say in conversation with new people. I'm fine with my friends and i tend to be ok if other people talk to me and they start the conversation, but if its up to me to join in and say things then i find it really difficult and often end up not really saying anything.

In one-on-one conversations you need to find something you have in common to discuss, or have some actual reason for talking to each other. Work is an obvious topic but it may make you look kind of boring. Also, one thing you could do is just remember a previous conversation you had with someone else, and just repeat what they said to a new person. Yes it's a bit daft but at least you are talking.

hippieglitter

Also, i doubt people have noticed this but, alot of the time if i try to contribute to conversations they talk over me, i will start saying something and they will just cut in over me as if i'm not even there. Even my brest friends have done this a couple of times which is why i think they haven't noticed it.

Make sure you start your sentences loudly. Don't say the first couple of words quietly and then get louder. Perhaps you could clear your throat before you speak.

If someone cuts you off, you could start a yelling war, trying to talk over them and see who eventually backs down (you or them). That could make you look stupid especially if you loose.

Alternatively you could try to split your group conversation into two separate conversations. The trick to doing this is to immediately gain eye contact with anyone who might have been listening to you before you were cut off. Once you have got eye contact you can continue your sentence, pretending you were directing it at them the whole time!

Reply 18

College Guy 1987

2

JonathanH

The irony.

Best comment I've seen for a while!

To the OP: I know it's over cliched, but just be yourself, and friends will gravitate towards you. (or at least, like-minded people)

Reply 19

spoonboy

darkfairy

This is the kind of stuff I was referring to :p:

Yes. One time I was midway through a sentence, and the person I was talking to actually just left (I dunno why - maybe they didn't realise I was talking...?). Anyway I actually turned around 180 degrees and finished the sentence with the person behind me. I couldn't believe I pulled that off. That's how I learned that trick.

Don't know what to say.

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