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Would you stay with a partner if they spat at you?

My boyfriend spat at me during a drunken row - I was sober and not happy with the amount he had drunk . He spat at me and threw his phone at me too. He was very apologetic later and we made up but friends say I should see this as a red flag for the future and get the hell out. He does enjoy a drink , can't complain about that but doesn't always know when to stop. Any thoughts ?

Reply 1

CherryWine

14

Have you told him how disgusted you are with his behaviour? If he gets away with this and you just blame it on his drunkenness then the next time he's drunk he'll probably use it as an excuse to behave appallingly again. This is definitely a red flag and chances are he'll only get worse. You don't treat somebody you love like that, sorry :frown:

Reply 2

Ezisola

17

Violent drunk. Almost certainly likely to reoccur.

Either:

1. Put up with it
2. Leave him
3. Encourage him to drink less

Reply 3

Rum Ham

20

We can all act like a knob when we drink but tbh, its no excuse, especially for being violent to someone. I would be livid if my partner done this. I would be more angry at the fact he threw his phone at me than spitting at me as that could have seriously hurt but spitting on someone is still gross and horrible.

Only you can decide what to do in this situation. Yes, there is a chance it was just an once off and he will have learned his lesson and will either cut down on drinking or will behave himself when drinking but more often than not, its a slippery slope and things like this tend to happen again and again especially if he feels he got away with it this time.

Reply 4

CherryWine

14

Original post by Spock's Socks

We can all act like a knob when we drink but tbh, its no excuse, especially for being violent to someone. I would be livid if my partner done this. I would be more angry at the fact he threw his phone at me than spitting at me as that could have seriously hurt but spitting on someone is still gross and horrible.

Only you can decide what to do in this situation. Yes, there is a chance it was just an once off and he will have learned his lesson and will either cut down on drinking or will behave himself when drinking but more often than not, its a slippery slope and things like this tend to happen again and again especially if he feels he got away with it this time.

I think the spitting is worse than the phone throwing tbh, it's shows complete lack of respect and even disgust for someone.... The someone in this case being his "loved one".

Reply 5

Rum Ham

20

Original post by CherryWine

I think the spitting is worse than the phone throwing tbh, it's shows complete lack of respect and even disgust for someone.... The someone in this case being his "loved one".

Each to their own. The fact he acted like this at all shows he has little respect for his partner. Both the phone throwing and spitting show that. I don't think a relationship can survive without respect. We all act like pricks to those we love sometimes but I personally don't think there's ever a reason to throw something at someone or spit, which is pretty degrading tbh and drinking certainly isn't an excuse.

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Reply 6

awkwardshortguy

20

You should have put him in an arm bar there and then to be quite honest. Youtube Ronda Rousey if you do not yet know how to apply said hold.

Spoiler

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 7

username360639

14

Spitting at someone in general is filthy. You're in a relationship with the dude, he'll get really drunk again and do the same thing. Tell him to not drink much if he can't handle his orange juice.

Reply 8

Vondas

2

Tell him how this made you feel. Try to establish if he's sincerely sorry. If it's a one off, you can let it slide. But if it happens again...well, you know where the hills are, put your running shoes on and off you go. If his drinking persists, if he continues to get drunk and lose control, then again, time to run away.

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Reply 9

xoxAngel_Kxox

21

So, now you both know how he reacts when he was drunk. If a partner did that to me sober, I wouldn't put up with it. However, alcohol takes a certain amount of our self control away, and often we don't know how much until it's too late. So if I were in this situation, I would give him the option to rectify the situation - i.e. don't get so drunk that he ends up acting like this. Everyone can make a mistake, but if it happens again there's no excuse, and I wouldn't stand for it.

Reply 10

GreenOut

16

Everyone makes mistakes, and most people are more prone to them after having their inhibitions dissolved by alcohol. He has apologised unreservedly from what I understand, now it's up to you whether you want to forgive him or not. If he is really into you, then the best thing is to tell him calmly and politely how you felt, why it was wrong and that make it clear that you can't tolerate that kind of behaviour in the future. It will make him value you more and realise that he has to keep on his toes to keep you, men like that.

Reply 11

Jessica12c4

2

I had this happen to me a few times. My ex whom I just cut off would get drunk and lose control. And because I love him I gave him way too many chances. We spoke seriously about it and I threatened I would leave if it happened again. Few Months went by without it happening and then last week an argument over chocolates made him spit in my face. I punched him in the mouth and kicked him out my house. He hasn't heard from me since. And he will no longer see or hear from me. It wasn't ok the first time and I should've left him after he revealed who he was initially. I had to seriously pray and realize I do not deserve that treatment and ask myself why I even allowed that in the first place. When you figure out who you are and love yourself it won't be an issue of whether or not to leave him. He's calling me as I write this and he will never get a call back. Good riddance. I'll patiently wait for the King God has for me. I pray you do the right thing. Love yourself. Goodluck.

Reply 12

Andi7651

Original post by Jessica12c4

I had this happen to me a few times. My ex whom I just cut off would get drunk and lose control. And because I love him I gave him way too many chances. We spoke seriously about it and I threatened I would leave if it happened again. Few Months went by without it happening and then last week an argument over chocolates made him spit in my face. I punched him in the mouth and kicked him out my house. He hasn't heard from me since. And he will no longer see or hear from me. It wasn't ok the first time and I should've left him after he revealed who he was initially. I had to seriously pray and realize I do not deserve that treatment and ask myself why I even allowed that in the first place. When you figure out who you are and love yourself it won't be an issue of whether or not to leave him. He's calling me as I write this and he will never get a call back. Good riddance. I'll patiently wait for the King God has for me. I pray you do the right thing. Love yourself. Goodluck.

Did you stay gone? How did you get the strength to leave ?

Would you stay with a partner if they spat at you?

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