got a real problem, please help

i met this girl and shes great, but i cannot pursue anything with her because im studying to be a dr, furthermore, i realise in future (if i was woman i wouldent want husband who works 90+ hrs a week and rarely sees her) i have few good friends but i raraely spend any time with them because i have to study so much, in the future my studies will be transferred to work and i will be working long hours...

all i wanted in my life was a challenge and to have a family

i dont want lots and lots of money , i dont want to be the best doctor etc etc i just want the challenge of surgery but a happy life in terms of a w ife, kids and friends:

why am i feeling like this? when i started they never told me this?
ive blocked it out over last year but not its grating on me?
i dont want to choose medicine or life!!!!!!!
help please someone

Reply 1

Princess_Peach

You want to have it all. Which is simply impossible. You must prtioratise. What is your top priority?

Reply 2

flatliner1

OP

prioritise?

cant i have a career and a family ?

Reply 3

Eblis_O'_Shaughnessy

5

I can't believe you didn't take this into consideration before studying to become a doctor.

I hope you're not this complacent and careless with your thoughts in the operating theatre one day.

EDIT: And you can't honestly believe that all doctors are bachelors?

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

flatliner1

prioritise?

cant i have a career and a family ?

Hun, of course you can. think how many drs have families :smile:

Yuo can chose things like part time work etc, take time out. You don't have to make a definite choice. I want to be a dr but having a husband and children is very important to me.

Reply 5

flatliner1

OP

i did realise this , trust me i wont make mistakes in theatre, but why should i not be entitled to a family life, hobbies?

Reply 6

Saffie

11

flatliner1

i met this girl and shes great, but i cannot pursue anything with her because im studying to be a dr,

rubbish.
what year are you in??

you must be studying too much if you cant make time to go out with someone.

you dont have to choose life or medicine, thats ridiculous.

Reply 7

Saffie

11

Princess_Peach

You want to have it all. Which is simply impossible. You must prtioratise. What is your top priority?

wtf?
utter rubbish

Reply 8

Lost_Cause

7

Of course you can have a career as a doctor and have a family!!!
As a prospective medical student ive done my research, and i know several doctors who have families. One of them is even top of his field and still managed to have a happy family life with 4 children, so it can definitely done. Ok, so you cant spend as much time as a full time parent with your family, but my parents arent doctors and i dont see them a lot of the time, im pretty sure ive turned out fine!!! Also it makes the time you do spend with them eve better because you are able to appreciate it more.

You said you wanted the challenge of surgery, and so this is one of the many challenges you will face. Its not all about which scapel to use or planning a complex operation, there are the physical and emotional challenges too. By already reaching medical school you've done so well, dont give it up whatever you do!!!

Reply 9

Eblis_O'_Shaughnessy

5

flatliner1

i did realise this , trust me i wont make mistakes in theatre, but why should i not be entitled to a family life, hobbies?

The first problem is that you seem to think you will never make mistakes.

The second problem is that you've even asking the question of whether or not you're entitled to a family life and hobbies. If you had already thought about this before deciding on your career path then this wouldn't be something you are suddenly thinking about now.

Reply 10

munchkin18

all the medics i was at uni with have a great social life, despite the heavy workload. my ex-housemate is in her 4th year and in a very serious relationship. she has career aspirations, naturally, but family is important to her too. i know you have to work hard, but if you want something enough then you make the time for it.

Reply 11

flatliner1

OP

hey guys thanks for the replys

im lost on this post tho

The second problem is that you've even asking the question of whether or not you're entitled to a family life and hobbies. If you had already thought about this before deciding on your career path then this wouldn't be something you are suddenly thinking about now.

does this mean i should have realised before my medical degree that i was never going to be able to have a balance in my life?

Reply 12

Unregistered

Of course you can, I know a final year med student who has just got married and held down a relationship for 4 years. Its all about balance and a degree of understanding from our partner. In all fairness, you did know it was not going to be a walk in the park? You can't be with your partner 24/7, but you can certainlyhave that relationship and career.

Reply 13

matt@internet

12

Isn't it dangerous to make anyone, especially people in the services like doctors, work 90+ hours a week? I'm sure you wouldn't work that many. I certainly wouldn't want a doctor who's been working 90+ hours a week working on me. They'd be knackeredand stressedand more liable to make mistakes.

Reply 14

Saffie

11

matt@internet

Isn't it dangerous to make anyone, especially people in the services like doctors, work 90+ hours a week? I'm sure you wouldn't work that many. I certainly wouldn't want a doctor who's been working 90+ hours a week working on me. They'd be knackeredand stressedand more liable to make mistakes.

i'm pretty sure it's 56 hours max by law.

http://www.bmj.com/cgi/content/full/323/7324/1266

Reply 15

Saffie

11

this is not a real problem and as a prospective doctor, how the hell are you not intelligent enough to see that?!!!

Reply 16

flatliner1

OP

look guys thanks for post but i wonder if anyone can expand upon this :

You want to have it all. Which is simply impossible. You must prtioratise. What is your top priority?

you know i never thought baout it, i just always thought i wanted to do the things i wanted and i would be able to do them, i want to challenge myself both within medicine and academically in maths and physics, i want a fmaily:

how do i apply the concept of prioritys to this?

do i need to, can i do it all?

Reply 17

FoeGeddaBowDeet

flatliner1

look guys thanks for post but i wonder if anyone can expand upon this :

you know i never thought baout it, i just always thought i wanted to do the things i wanted and i would be able to do them, i want to challenge myself both within medicine and academically in maths and physics, i want a fmaily:

how do i apply the concept of prioritys to this?

do i need to, can i do it all?

you don't need to, that was **** advice. A good bit of time management and maybe sometimes a little compromise will mean you can do everything you want.

Reply 18

flatliner1

OP

cheers henvy

Reply 19

ABeautifulMind

6

Hey lets not be so harsh on the guy.
I understand what you mean. Don't worry. Part time work or just time off work altogether. Thats what you should do. Also, see how things go with this girl. You obviously care about her, if you are considering the fact you would not be able to spend much time with her. :smile:

Good luck !
Let us know how things go :biggrin:

got a real problem, please help

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