Boyfriends touching feels like I'm being tormented/mauled.
I'm going out with an older man and I do have feelings for him and care but all the touching that he does irritates me and makes me feel 'smothered'. With me not having many relationships I don't know what is typical and what isn't or whether he is more touchy feely than usual. For example if I stay at his we will cuddle etc (not had sex yet tried it and it hurt so I'm seeing go about it) and his hand will wonder down my panties which I suppose is normal in a relationship. I've pulled away several times but he gets upset, he ended it once as he said I wasn't relaxed around him. I pulled away as it tickles and I find it irritating like it doesn't do anything for me.
I will cuddle him and we hold each other tight which is nice but then when I'm trying to sleep he will end up on my side of the bed with one leg over my body and his penis poking into my side. His hand will wonder down my panties and he will be squeezing my bum. It just makes me feel smothered and physically irritates me as I'm used to being on my own in a single bed lol. I can't sleep if someone is doing this all night. I end up telling him to move over to his side and then I will put my arm round him so that he doesn't feel 'pushed away'. Then in the morning he will do the same again with his hands on my breasts pulling my nipples which for some reason annoys me even more.
I know a major part of the problem is me being on the frigid side but why does this irritate me so much? Are most guys like this or do some 'leave you alone' a bit more.
As I said I'm not saying there's anything wrong with his behaviour just that it irritates me and feels like I'm being 'tormented/mauled' even though it's probably normal behaviour in a relationship. It shouldn't be irritating me sleeping with him though, I've told him I have a low sex drive he knows and he keeps thinking I'm pushing him away.
I guess you are wondering what it is I want then, I suppose I don't mind the touching now and again in bits but nowhere near as much as he does.
Just wanted opinions on why it irritates me am I just destined to be single? Or do some men not touch as much as him?
I will cuddle him and we hold each other tight which is nice but then when I'm trying to sleep he will end up on my side of the bed with one leg over my body and his penis poking into my side. His hand will wonder down my panties and he will be squeezing my bum. It just makes me feel smothered and physically irritates me as I'm used to being on my own in a single bed lol. I can't sleep if someone is doing this all night. I end up telling him to move over to his side and then I will put my arm round him so that he doesn't feel 'pushed away'. Then in the morning he will do the same again with his hands on my breasts pulling my nipples which for some reason annoys me even more.
I know a major part of the problem is me being on the frigid side but why does this irritate me so much? Are most guys like this or do some 'leave you alone' a bit more.
As I said I'm not saying there's anything wrong with his behaviour just that it irritates me and feels like I'm being 'tormented/mauled' even though it's probably normal behaviour in a relationship. It shouldn't be irritating me sleeping with him though, I've told him I have a low sex drive he knows and he keeps thinking I'm pushing him away.
I guess you are wondering what it is I want then, I suppose I don't mind the touching now and again in bits but nowhere near as much as he does.
Just wanted opinions on why it irritates me am I just destined to be single? Or do some men not touch as much as him?
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In my opinion, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do- there is no such thing as being frigid. Consent is essential for all sexual activity, so he should not be touching you whilst you're asleep and can't decide and express what you want. It is not normal to want to have sexual activity with someone who is not enjoying it or able to communicate with you, so he needs to know it is not right.
I think that you need to communicate how what he does makes you feel, and make it clear that you don't like it. It is okay to not be turned on by something. If he cares about you the same way you do about him, he will respect this and listen to you.
Do you feel like you can tell him what you've said here?
I think that you need to communicate how what he does makes you feel, and make it clear that you don't like it. It is okay to not be turned on by something. If he cares about you the same way you do about him, he will respect this and listen to you.
Do you feel like you can tell him what you've said here?
(edited 9 years ago)
That's exactly what I love, sounds perfect. 
Maybe you're just not a touchyfeely person? 
Maybe you're just not a touchyfeely person? Original post by Anonymous
I'm going out with an older man
What ages are we talking about here?
You are not comfortable, you are not into it. Perhaps you are not ready, perhaps you like him but you are not attracted to him? You need to ask yourself those questions and really figure out what puts you off. Only you will really know. Personally I hate being touched while I sleep, it makes me deeply uncomfortable and violated. I've gotten used to my partner wrapping himself around me when we sleep, he's just that way.
Here is my advice: communicate. You are a big girl. Speak to him.
Here is my advice: communicate. You are a big girl. Speak to him.
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
I'm going out with an older man and I do have feelings for him and care but all the touching that he does irritates me and makes me feel 'smothered'. With me not having many relationships I don't know what is typical and what isn't or whether he is more touchy feely than usual. For example if I stay at his we will cuddle etc (not had sex yet tried it and it hurt so I'm seeing go about it) and his hand will wonder down my panties which I suppose is normal in a relationship. I've pulled away several times but he gets upset, he ended it once as he said I wasn't relaxed around him. I pulled away as it tickles and I find it irritating like it doesn't do anything for me.
I will cuddle him and we hold each other tight which is nice but then when I'm trying to sleep he will end up on my side of the bed with one leg over my body and his penis poking into my side. His hand will wonder down my panties and he will be squeezing my bum. It just makes me feel smothered and physically irritates me as I'm used to being on my own in a single bed lol. I can't sleep if someone is doing this all night. I end up telling him to move over to his side and then I will put my arm round him so that he doesn't feel 'pushed away'. Then in the morning he will do the same again with his hands on my breasts pulling my nipples which for some reason annoys me even more.
I know a major part of the problem is me being on the frigid side but why does this irritate me so much? Are most guys like this or do some 'leave you alone' a bit more.
As I said I'm not saying there's anything wrong with his behaviour just that it irritates me and feels like I'm being 'tormented/mauled' even though it's probably normal behaviour in a relationship. It shouldn't be irritating me sleeping with him though, I've told him I have a low sex drive he knows and he keeps thinking I'm pushing him away.
I guess you are wondering what it is I want then, I suppose I don't mind the touching now and again in bits but nowhere near as much as he does.
Just wanted opinions on why it irritates me am I just destined to be single? Or do some men not touch as much as him?
I will cuddle him and we hold each other tight which is nice but then when I'm trying to sleep he will end up on my side of the bed with one leg over my body and his penis poking into my side. His hand will wonder down my panties and he will be squeezing my bum. It just makes me feel smothered and physically irritates me as I'm used to being on my own in a single bed lol. I can't sleep if someone is doing this all night. I end up telling him to move over to his side and then I will put my arm round him so that he doesn't feel 'pushed away'. Then in the morning he will do the same again with his hands on my breasts pulling my nipples which for some reason annoys me even more.
I know a major part of the problem is me being on the frigid side but why does this irritate me so much? Are most guys like this or do some 'leave you alone' a bit more.
As I said I'm not saying there's anything wrong with his behaviour just that it irritates me and feels like I'm being 'tormented/mauled' even though it's probably normal behaviour in a relationship. It shouldn't be irritating me sleeping with him though, I've told him I have a low sex drive he knows and he keeps thinking I'm pushing him away.
I guess you are wondering what it is I want then, I suppose I don't mind the touching now and again in bits but nowhere near as much as he does.
Just wanted opinions on why it irritates me am I just destined to be single? Or do some men not touch as much as him?
Onmygod, I HATE it when guys pull on your nipples "casually" even though they're sensitive and it usually hurts/is irritating.
I consider myself extremely touchy feely - when I'm with someone I like I am forever touching them in some way, and I am all about spooning at night - but that all sounds way too much. It's not the touching but the sort of touching he is doing - how the eff are you meant to sleep when he has a heavy leg resting on you?? And touching you in sexual places when you're trying to sleep? I would really hate that.
Either way, there are tons of people who prefer more space, so you're not in any way abnormal. Tell him firmly to respect your choices, or you simply won't stay over anymore. It sounds like you don't enjoy sleeping in the same bed as him anyway ...
One more thing to add - the only time I'm not touchy feely in a relationship is when I am not really into the other person. Then I hate it. I'm not at all saying this is why you don't like it, as it's perfectly normal to prefer space, but it is something to consider.
Original post by Maid Marian
That's exactly what I love, sounds perfect. Maybe you're just not a touchyfeely person?
Maybe you're just not a touchyfeely person? Lmao, you want an old man's stubby fingers wandering down your panties?!
(edited 9 years ago)
My ex was a little like that, very touchy feely but I loved his touch a lot! It's probably just you, it seems you're not comfortable around him. I suggest you sit down with him and discuss this with him, it seems like he doesn't quite understand how you're feeling as you keep physically pushing him away.
Original post by Plantagenet Crown
Lmao, you want an old man's stubby fingers wondering down your panties?!
She said an OLDER man, not an 'old man', can't you read
If you don't want to be touched then he can't and should not touch you. Make it clear that you don't want to be touched.
Original post by Plantagenet Crown
No need to get so defensive, have you got something against touchy old men? 
You literally just missed the perfect opportunity to say 'don't get touchy'.
Communication is key. Tell him that all the touching makes you feel uncomfortable. If he loves you/cares about you and respects you, then he'll stop. If he doesn't.. Leave him. It's like he's sexually assaulting you if he knows you don't want it but he still does it, and you shouldn't have a relationship with a person like that.
Original post by Anonymous
I pulled away as it tickles
But in all seriousness if you don't want him to be touching you like that and he knows, then that's unconsented and ****ed up...
Original post by Anonymous
I'm going out with an older man and I do have feelings for him and care but all the touching that he does irritates me and makes me feel 'smothered'. With me not having many relationships I don't know what is typical and what isn't or whether he is more touchy feely than usual. For example if I stay at his we will cuddle etc (not had sex yet tried it and it hurt so I'm seeing go about it) and his hand will wonder down my panties which I suppose is normal in a relationship. I've pulled away several times but he gets upset, he ended it once as he said I wasn't relaxed around him. I pulled away as it tickles and I find it irritating like it doesn't do anything for me.
I will cuddle him and we hold each other tight which is nice but then when I'm trying to sleep he will end up on my side of the bed with one leg over my body and his penis poking into my side. His hand will wonder down my panties and he will be squeezing my bum. It just makes me feel smothered and physically irritates me as I'm used to being on my own in a single bed lol. I can't sleep if someone is doing this all night. I end up telling him to move over to his side and then I will put my arm round him so that he doesn't feel 'pushed away'. Then in the morning he will do the same again with his hands on my breasts pulling my nipples which for some reason annoys me even more.
I know a major part of the problem is me being on the frigid side but why does this irritate me so much? Are most guys like this or do some 'leave you alone' a bit more.
As I said I'm not saying there's anything wrong with his behaviour just that it irritates me and feels like I'm being 'tormented/mauled' even though it's probably normal behaviour in a relationship. It shouldn't be irritating me sleeping with him though, I've told him I have a low sex drive he knows and he keeps thinking I'm pushing him away.
I guess you are wondering what it is I want then, I suppose I don't mind the touching now and again in bits but nowhere near as much as he does.
Just wanted opinions on why it irritates me am I just destined to be single? Or do some men not touch as much as him?
I will cuddle him and we hold each other tight which is nice but then when I'm trying to sleep he will end up on my side of the bed with one leg over my body and his penis poking into my side. His hand will wonder down my panties and he will be squeezing my bum. It just makes me feel smothered and physically irritates me as I'm used to being on my own in a single bed lol. I can't sleep if someone is doing this all night. I end up telling him to move over to his side and then I will put my arm round him so that he doesn't feel 'pushed away'. Then in the morning he will do the same again with his hands on my breasts pulling my nipples which for some reason annoys me even more.
I know a major part of the problem is me being on the frigid side but why does this irritate me so much? Are most guys like this or do some 'leave you alone' a bit more.
As I said I'm not saying there's anything wrong with his behaviour just that it irritates me and feels like I'm being 'tormented/mauled' even though it's probably normal behaviour in a relationship. It shouldn't be irritating me sleeping with him though, I've told him I have a low sex drive he knows and he keeps thinking I'm pushing him away.
I guess you are wondering what it is I want then, I suppose I don't mind the touching now and again in bits but nowhere near as much as he does.
Just wanted opinions on why it irritates me am I just destined to be single? Or do some men not touch as much as him?
Either you're erring towards the asexual end of the spectrum as regards orientation, or you're not physically attracted to your partner. One way or another, you should probably stop leading him on, since you clearly aren't compatible.
Why do people feel the need to ask how old he is? Some of us love older men No big deal. They have things that young men don't.
No big deal. They have things that young men don't.Original post by porn induced coma
Why do people feel the need to ask how old he is? Some of us love older men No big deal. They have things that young men don't.
No big deal. They have things that young men don't.A limp cock and a fat wallet. Ideal really.
Original post by crozibear96
Communication is key. Tell him that all the touching makes you feel uncomfortable. If he loves you/cares about you and respects you, then he'll stop. If he doesn't.. Leave him. It's like he's sexually assaulting you if he knows you don't want it but he still does it, and you shouldn't have a relationship with a person like that.
He isn't "sexually assaulting" her; he's trying to initiate foreplay and to partake in physical intimacy while failing to comprehend his girlfriend's seeming indifference to both; presumably because their communication up to this point has been entirely passive-aggressive and, despite being (ostensibly) the more experienced party, his reaction is to sulk like a teenager rather than trying to impart the benefit of that experience.
Consequently, she has no idea that this relationship is a complete and utter waste of time.
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by Tom_Ford
A limp cock and a fat wallet. Ideal really.
I was thinking more along the lines of maturity, thanks for proving my point though.
Original post by porn induced coma
I was thinking more along the lines of maturity, thanks for proving my point though.
The biggest fallacy is when immature girls think they are being mature by being with an older man. And nada, don't think I can take someone with the username 'porn induced coma' seriously in a lecture about maturity.
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