I'm male and 20 years old and I think I may have an porn addiction .I have never been in a relationship hence I've never had sex.
I was violently bullied in my teenager years(literally from 11 years old to 17 years old which has led me to become depressed.My social life and interacting with gurls suffered. Im am a loner and not by choice I desperately push myself out of my confortzone to make friends but it doesn't seem to work.I have just lost energy to do things or get things done.
I hardly speak to girls or anyone.Within the last few months of University I watch porn nearly everyday .It seems that I masturbate too often sometimes 3 or 4 times a day.
I have also got sexually attracted(in my head) to my cousin sister who is 16(She doesnt know this) and I'm 20 for some reason.I have masturbated thinking about her.(Its so messed up)I've tried to stop thinking about her and it just creeps up that I want to have sex with my cousin sister which is so wrong in the head.She is a child FFS.
I have tried by not thinking about her when watching porn sometimes it works on and off.
But in general I watch porn to often that its taken over my life.Because of being bullied in the past the things that used to be hobbies of mine now seem useless and worthless I end up daydreaming and pacing up and down my room.Then end up watching porn because I am bored.I have also treid to see how long I cant watch porn for,my head is messed up.
What can I do to stop this because this is my life and potentially dangerous.
Sorry to hrear about your addiction, if you need help try going to your GP or talk to someone so you can let it out, in the meantime try excercising like doing pushups or by dumbbells doing something that takes your mind off being sexually excited will help you
Whoever sent those rude messages should be ashamed of yourselves and grow up. So insensitive. Probably careless thinking. This is a serious issue and anonymous you need help and support for this. I know what you're going through and sadly through the bullying at school watching porn has become an outlet to get away from reality and give you comfort... But its a false comfort, when you watch it you feel great pleasure but I bet straight after you feel ashamed and bad about yourself. This is natural. Porn has become an outlet to make you feel better, not for sexual desire but for comfort. Our society certainly doesn't help matters, porn isn't healthy for anyone and its almost advertised as the done thing but it has such negative effects. I wonder, do you know your cousins sister, interact with her? If she's nice and kind to you, I'd imagine this attraction is due to having attention from someone and that feeling has confused your mind into thinking its a sexual desire. Saying that she is 16 and the way girls dress these days you'd think they were older, don't make the mistake of ever having sex with someone underage, gets you into a lot of trouble and produces huge feelings of guilt and shame which would make your porn addiction worse in any case. You truly need professional help with this, it won't just disappear, a councillor would help, discuss your bullying at school and how you feel its led to your porn addiction and they will help you deal with the emotional scars it has given you and to learn to let go and move on. The thing is most bullies do it because they are bullied themselves, usually from their home situation and they decide to bully people that they can easily victimise. Sounds like you were very vulnerable and very sensitive at school and unable to stick up for yourself. It shouldnt be taken personally but sadly being sensitive you do. But be glad you weren't the bully, shame for them and in any case they will have issues about it. You're probably struggling to make friends because by pushing yourself out of your comfort zone you will be displaying an awkwardness in your body language which people perceive to be someone not wanting to interact, people don't realise its because you actually struggle to interact and want to make friends. I think you should go to a group, whichever hobby you are interested in usually, and openly say you want to make friends but you're not very good at it. Be brave. You'll be surprised at people who show an interest. And any one that laughs is an immature and sad human being. Again don't take it personally, people don't tend to do these things deliberately to upset, most people think they're laughing and joking is harmless. They don't think about the impact it has on someone sensitive with a low self confidence. Confide in people about the bullying at school and how it's effected your self esteem. You shouldn't just pour your heart out to new acquaintances and discuss all your issues with porn etc, that's what a councillor is for but when you find a friend you know you can trust then in time you will be able to talk to them. Do you have a close family member to confide in? Or a teacher or someone you work with you can talk to? Being open and honest helps and it should reduce your desire to watch porn. It will take time but with the right help you can be happy and have the friends you deserve and eventually a relationship. I feel that this is more than just a porn addiction, its a desire to feel pleasure through sexual activity because of feeling unhappy and needing fulfillment, you may have a sex addiction and I would suggest going to an SAA group, its extremely helpful and you're surrounded by people in a similar situation and with the same feelings as you. To have people around you that understand is a big help. You've got to be strong and brave and whatever happens, believe in yourself. You are the initiator, if you want to be happy, then take the leap and get the support you need. If I can help you in any way then do not hesitate to contact me.