Can someone check my essay, please?

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Cheng4
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Why did Indian joined the war?

On August 1914, 161,000 Indian soldiers fought against Germany in ww1, they were mainly fought in the western front (France). The Indian soldier joined ww1 due to several causes: duty, money, promotion and “Quota” system. In the early October, the soldier has landed, however shortly after they had landed they faced some fierce battle in Yapres : an average of 764 soldier per battalion, but by the early of november only 384 soldier were fit to battle.


Firstly, the soldier joined the war due to duty: duty to George V and duty to their country/ caste. The Indian soldier has a strong sense of duty to George V as he was the Emperor of India/ British Empire during WW1. Furthermore, there has been historical evidence to approve the sense of duty the Indian soldier has on George V- “may God grant long life to the generous-hearted sovereign who has deigned to think of his humblest soldiers!” The Indian soldier has also shown a sense of duty to their caste/ country by fighting bravely on the field as the quote “It is quite impossible that I should return alive. [But] don't be grieved at my death, because I shall die arms in hand, wearing the warrior's clothes. This is the most happy death that anyone can die.” suggests. The quote has not only show the sense of duty the Indian soldier has on their caste/ country, but it could also suggests a sense of duty to George V, because “happy death” could suggest the pride (for fighting for George V) the soldier has.

Secondly, the soldier joined the war due to money, because India was a poor (LEDC) country which also suggests the lack money the people own. Furthermore during world war has around The soldier earns around modest 11 rupees a month which was around 132 rupees a year. This may solve the financial problem that the soldier’s family may have.

Thirdly, the soldier joined the army for promotion as for pride or more sustainable income, because as the rank increases the more pride the soldier will have or the more sustainable income the soldier will own. This particular purpose of joining the war was predominantly for the soldier who had been served in the army longer.

Finally the soldiers were also forced to join the army due to “Quota” system in 1916, because Britain was in need for Western front. Therefore they adopted “Quota” system. At first Britain was thinking of adopting conscription, however as it was emergency, they adopted the “Quota” system- Indian officials were told to produce a given number of men from a particular district, or face losing their jobs. Moreover, the officials even use bribery and coercion to recruit soldiers.

In conclusion, the Indian soldiers joined the war due to: their duty to George V; money for living/ family; promotion (again relates to money) and the force from the “Quota” system. Predominantly, the Indian joined the army was for money: for living.
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turn-to-page394
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If this is for controlled assessment or something similar, it would be safer to take it down. Just saying....
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Cheng4
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(Original post by turn-to-page394)
If this is for controlled assessment or something similar, it would be safer to take it down. Just saying....
Ehh, but how could I improve it? and what grade do you think it is?
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